Wrapper: Nicaraguan
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 6 x 50 Toro
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $12.79
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
If a reviewer refuses to tell you how long his cigars have rested prior to smoking, you should discard any thoughts they have on a cigar. What are they hiding. One of the most important things a smoker seeks advice on, and needs, is how long they need to let their cigars rest for optimum output. Do reviewers have superpower palates. Do they think they have superpower palates. I’m tired of reading reviews that reveal all a cigar has to offer…two, three, four weeks…or 6 months, after receipt. Maybe just days. Who knows. They won’t say. I’ve been smoking cigars for more than half a century. I require my cigars to spend some sleepy time in my humidor before they are at their peak. Am I fucking special. Am I a retard. Probably.
Where was I. Oh right. Reviewing the Farce Nicaragua. I have no idea how long I allowed the cigar to rest naked. Disregard this review.
The stick is a medium weight. The wind cries Mary. My PerfecDraw has sought asylum in Guatemala. I get a Western Union telegram asking I vouch for the tiny succubus. I ask God to guide me. Nobody home. I will try later. The PD remains the same.
Weak start. I peruse reviews. Creamy, chocolate, spice, and nuts. Wow. I guess I’m in for an unexpected treat. And it got high scores. Maybe we should come together.
The burn is exceptional. That will get the cigar an automatic 96 or better now. Kidding.
Strength begins at a pleasant medium. Did I mention that since this is Saturday morning, this is basically a throwaway review. Yep. Don’t expect much. I’m cruisin…
You ask why I leave out question marks. Do I know.
As much as I dislike giving any catalog brand cigar a wave or a nod, the cigar ain’t bad. Do I go back and edit out the sarcastic smart-ass shit. Nope. Where are the question marks.
I have had my share of suspicious minds when it comes to Matt Booth. The man is certainly a hero. But as a blender, he is scattershot. Most of his cigars are crapola. But he cranks them out and cranks keep buying them because most are cheap. When the word ‘Fumas’ is next to your name on a cigar bundle, sell out doesn’t begin to cover it.
Black pepper is strong. Too strong. It is overwhelming the subtle notes of creaminess, chocolate, nuts, and baking spices. It is out of balance. Either extended humi time will cure this, or it won’t. If only I knew how long I allowed my sticks to rest. If only.
A sudden buttery note appears that might save the day. Vanilla ice cream. But savory v. sweet is leaning towards indistinct. It is early. Only an inch burned. 25 minutes. The burn is slow. Good construction. And I love the char line. Something Hannibal Lecter would say.
Still, Booth depends on the kindness of strangers when he blends. A lot of cigar manufacturers do the same. The tobacco farmer is the real hero. I’m sure we can all agree on that.
Ted Nugent. Crazy fucker. Love his music. Scared of the man.
I had a weird dream about Tippi Hedren (‘The Birds’). I worked for her husband in the late 80’s. A company called Bartec. Structural shop. She tasked me, the other project manager, and the purchasing agent to find a way to power up a mid-60’s desk radio that Alfred Hitchcock gave her. He was trying to get into her pants as she told it. The battery inside the fucker was the size of a car battery. We failed. We took two days and ignored our duties to please the broad. She never thanked us for trying. She is now 93.
The cigar is OK. 2” in. I have no idea what other reviewers are raving about. Maybe surprised that a Room 101 is smokeable. Dunno.
“Last night I crushed your face.” Nugent lyrics.
Same notes of cream, black pepper, chocolate, tired espresso, nuts…earth, wind and leather. That’s it. The missing component is richness. I use that word to death. It is either that or I expound endlessly, and you will fall asleep. Which you probably already do when you read me. I don’t take it personal.
I have a hard core group of loved ones that read me. I wish I could open comments. But assholes fuck that up for everyone.
Are you experienced. If so, Room 101 barely sees the inside of your humidors.
The halfway point. I’m waiting. No AHA moment. Linear. Not a bad linear, but linear.
If this was an $8 stick…but it’s not. $13.00. The fucking nerve. I have the Farce Maduro waiting for words from me. I give up. Unless Mr. Booth puts out something of substance, I’m done. It is all so expected. Never a surprise. Just run of the mill. And now puts his wares in the price region of really good cigars. Ha.
Black Betty. Bam-ba-lam.
Another tour. In the back of a limo, Sonja showed us her new vagina lips that were surgically trimmed. It was nice. A charming touch was pruning her pubes into the shape of a heart and dying them red. Who doesn’t love love.
Buttery and creamy. The spiciness of the black pepper is a Christmas adornment the cigar could do without. I’m comfortably numb.
Met Pink Floyd on tour at a midnight buffet somewhere in England. Very nice guys. Their limos were bigger than our limos. But Sonja had the nicest vagina.
I slide the band off like a used rubber. Much cleaner.
Strength is medium/full. Black pepper. But nicotine is low.
Is the cigar complex. A little. Is it rich. A scoche. Is it in balance. Not really.
The second half is better. It feels like it wants to explode like a pearl necklace. But takes a stutter step and is creamed. So close.
I just got it. Cigar manufacturers won’t talk to me because I fucking curse. That, and I’m an asshole.
Nothing screams pleasure like that first cigar of the day. I feel terrible when I waste that opportunity.
I hate it when Word tries to correct my curse words. What a fucking pain.
With a third to go, I throw in the tampon. A $13 cigar doesn’t get to be just OK. Impress me.
You can buy this cigar and other Room 101 blends from three of my sponsors: Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code ‘katman’), Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’), and Cigar Page.
RATING: 88
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Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS
