Wrapper: Nicaraguan Corojo ‘99
Binder: Nicaraguan Corojo ‘99
Filler: Nicaraguan Corojo ’99, Criollo ‘98
Size: 6 x 44 Lonsdale
Strength: Medium
Price: 2018: $8.00. 2023: $10.00 but can be had cheaper…a lot cheaper.
So many years. So much confusion. I’m talking about my reviews.
Here I go again. Bringing you a gem of a cigar for a criminally low price if you know where to look. And yes, in the midst of 2023 price gouging, $8.00 is cheap.
This review was published in 2018.
Cigar Aficonado’s #8 Cigar of 2017. Rated 93.
I’ve edited my review so that it doesn’t take a day and a half to read. You’re welcome.
BACKGROUND:
Released August 2016
Factory: Tabacos Valle de Jalapa S.A. (TABSA)
From Cigar Aficionado (#8 Cigar for 2017 ~ Rated 93):
“What happens when you give two young blenders unbridled access to some of the best Nicaraguan tobacco in the world? The answer is the Guardian of the Farm Apollo Selección de Warped. It’s the joint effort of Max Fernández and Kyle Gellis. If you’ve never heard of them, Kyle Gellis is the owner of Warped Cigars, a small, boutique brand made in Nicaragua at the TABSA factory. Max is the son of Eduardo Fernández, owner of the TABSA factory and, more to the point, owner of Aganorsa, an agricultural conglomerate that is one of the largest growers of cigar tobacco in Nicaragua, and the source of top-quality leaf.
“Both Gellis and Fernández had a very large inventory of Aganorsa tobacco at their disposal when coming up with this concept—and they did not squander the opportunity. Guardian of the Farm is a tasty smoke that’s profoundly nutty in character, showing almond and nutmeg qualities along with hints of cinnamon. It’s long and slim and is made with an uncut foot, so the first puffs of the cigar give the smoker a bracing taste of the Corojo ’99 wrapper before the rest of the blend kicks in. Guardian of the Farm is named in honor of both Max’s and Kyle’s dogs—so they had a little fun with the name as well.”
No. That’s not my vagina.
AROMAS AND COLD DRAW POINTS:
From the shaft, I can smell lots of stuff…all types of dried fruit, red pepper, malts, coffee, cocoa, tart dried apricot stands out, cream, cedar, vanilla bean, citrus, and ginger.
From the clipped cap and the foot, I can smell strong malt followed by very potent red pepper, tart dried fruit, cream, citrus, vanilla, almonds, cedar, and ginger.
The cold draw presents flavors of chocolate, espresso, red pepper, cream, malts, citrus, and ginger.
FIRST THIRD:
The draw is a bit stifled by a block near the cap so out comes my PerfecDraw cigar poker and rips into it like a monkey on a cupcake. (Thank you Raymond).
Flavors emerge in an orderly fashion: super creamy, graham cracker, coffee, hot cocoa, malt, cedar, red pepper, citrus, vanilla, and nuts.
This stick is bangin’ right from the get-go. While I’m a fan of Warped Cigars, I find they are not the most consistent brand. They can produce blends that hit the highest heights and can also deliver a blend that is dead on arrival.
Merely half an inch in and the Guardian of the Farm Apollo Selección de Warped is beginning to blow me away with its excellent blend and know how. This is a fucking great cigar. And I’m just at the lonely start of a good time covered in floral foam and bunions.
Complexity wastes no time.
The char line is exemplary and outstanding. Like my unbroken record of premature and sequential testicular explosions caused by a lethal entity. I divorced her in 1972.
Caramel joins the league of nations. The balance is the showstopper here. It’s perfect. It forces real introspection on the mystical wonder of a seasoned blender(s) that does great things; instead of using their time getting Xikar cutters with their logo on it.
SECOND THIRD:
Smoke time has been a pleasure infatuated 25 minutes.
Have I mentioned strength? Nope. A very middle of the road medium blowing steam and staying on course.
It is an avalanche of sweet spots coming at my puss like being the target of a paint ball assault. Complexity is through the roof. Transitions put a stupid grin on my face. The finish is leisurely but intense.
Despite all of us having different palates, there are some blends that feed the people. No matter your tastes, you will love the Guardian of the Farm Apollo Selección de Warped. It is a solid investment of your hard earned dough. Buy several boxes and then send them to me…you can keep a fiver.
A new component washes ashore…a blistering double base hit with a gorgeous floral aroma accompanied by the flavor of roses (Use your imagination). It’s like huffing on your wife’s neck after she adorns the Walgreen’s generic perfume you bought for her birthday.
Sweet things: Graham cracker, sweet cream, candied citrus, sweet tea, chocolate covered dried ginger, and a vanilla milk shake.
Savory things: Salted nuts, a light smokiness, horseradish, curry, and lemongrass.
The halfway point arrives at 45 minutes.
Salty pretzels appear tipping the savory scale to its favor.
This blend is just too big for its britches. It needs a spanking. I just have to get this red ball out of my mouth first.
Godamm the Pusherman.
After yesterday’s hit and run by the Mac Inspirado Red and its failure to impress, it is a pure joyful experience this morning…The Red review felt like I was loitering around a urinal that wouldn’t flush.
Imagine you’ve just returned from a long trip across the Syrian Desert along with T.E. Lawrence and you’re hungry. You arrive in Aqaba like a piece of wet toast. You are offered any type of meal you desire. First, you drink a lemonade. And then you say the hell with food…give me a Guardian of the Farm Apollo Selección de Warped. That is what I’m talkin’ ‘bout.
Have I ever told you the story of when I was younger and played bass in a band with T.E. Lawrence? We were both teens in 1904.
Smooth. Complex. Balanced.
LAST THIRD:
I can’t believe this cigar will get much better than this very moment. But then the last third can surprise you.
I’m totally relaxed. Drifting on a cloud stuffed with lox and bacon. This cigar has magical powers of healing and redemption. Acupuncture is extra.
You need to heed your Uncle Katman’s advice on this one dear friends. Buy some. Let them rest for a while.
Final smoke time is one hour 35 minutes.
RATING: 96
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Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS
