Wrapper: USA Connecticut
Binder: Mexican San Andrés
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 7 x 48 Churchill
Strength: Mild/Medium
Price: $15.30

NOTE: I was diagnosed with Covid a week back…after I came down with what I thought was just another cold virus. I can’t swallow. My taste-o-vision is gone. And I sound like Janis Joplin when I croak. Here is a review from a year or two ago.

APPEARANCE:
This is not a well-constructed cigar. It is light as a toothpick. There is no mention of aged tobacco being used. I’m sure that the S.O.P. was used…get the cigar ready for sale, insert the cigar into its cello, it then gets a whopping 6 weeks of aging…and thrown into a box and off to the market jiggety jig.

The third cap looks like Howard Cosell’s hair piece. A lot of veinage. Seams are visible but tight. The wrapper is the color of khakis. And it is smooth as ice, no tooth. And the double cigar bands give off an air of sheer excitement.

SMELL THE GLOVE:
Banana…very nice and exotic, floral notes, caramel, chocolate, deep creaminess, cinnamon, baking spices, malt, cedar, espresso, black pepper, and licorice.

This is the uh-oh part. I snip the cap oh so gently so I can put my lavish lips on to the cap for the cold draw. I used a guillotine cutter with a back and the cigar did not explode in my face. So far, so good.

The cold draw presents flavors of hay, black pepper, cinnamon, creaminess, chocolate, espresso, malt, and cedar. Flavors were all very tiny. Like…well, you know.

FIRST THIRD:

I always let a package of cigars that come by post office or the other services rest for a day before opening the shipping box. Why? Because they arrive frozen all the way from Pennsylvania to Wisconsin. After a day’s warming up to the apartment temperature, I open them and place the sticks in my humidor.

The cigars go into shock. The sudden rush of humidification causes the dry cigar to bloat. Next surprise is that when I light up one of the cigars, the wrapper just crackles or crumbles away. Each of the two cigars I smoked disassembled within minutes. I have my fingers crossed that today will be different.

I dry boxed today’s review cigar hoping it might dissuade the cigar from falling apart on me. If it falls apart, I will use a cigar from my humidor.

Time to light up…my bony knees are shaking like the first time I had sex at 29.

I’m leaving the double cigar bands in place hoping they can hold the cigar together if needed.

As I said earlier, the cigar is devoid of tobacco to make it an enjoyable smoke. So, if the cigar stinks, at least it will have burned in double quick time. No lingering death threats.

The air flow is wide ass open. I won’t need my PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool…I store it away in my special hiding place where I keep 325 kilos of marijuana.

Lots of smoke. Like being back on the 405 in SoCal before catalytic converters were required by law.

The cigar is very mild…but tastes OK. If they wanted to make this cigar a better blend, they should have used an Ecuadorian Connie instead of the American Connie. The Ecuadorian version has much more character and sweetness.

Nothing really complex happening but there are notes of citrus, lemongrass, black pepper, creaminess, and vanilla.

Very plain cigar. Charging $11 a pop is insane. I paid $5.20 each. Seems fair as this cigar probably belongs in that vast arena of implausible catalog brands.

The burn needs a touch up.

I don’t know when the medium side of the strength comes into play, but right now this baby is like smoking air.

I like AJ Fernandez. When he has his heart into something, no one beats him. But as he ventures into Rocky Patel, Alec Bradley, and Gurkha territory…this whole line of Ave Maria cigars is just not very good. Still, they continue to sell; so, who the fuck am I to diss them?

There is no growth. I’ve smoked 1-1/2” in 7 minutes.

Burn issues become anointed by the Devil.

Not only is the cigar under filled, but the tobacco was just smooshed into the tube catatonic style. No. 1 rollers were being used…the women who know nothing. Keeps the price of the cigar down considerably…to $11.00. If this cigar were priced without the greed merchant mentality and sold as bundle cigar, it might have some use to the aliens who live amongst us. The coffins the cigars come in are all just smoke and mirrors. The coffin gives the illusion that this must be a great cigar. Bullshit. Smoke and mirrors.
There are tidbits of creaminess, citrus, lemongrass, malt, and that’s all folks.

SECOND THIRD:
Took approximately 12 minutes to get here. Oh lawdy.

This is going to be a 40-minute Churchill. If that doesn’t encapsulate the experience, I don’t know what does.

Some flavors show up that are pleasing: lots of creaminess, lemon citrus, café au lait, white chocolate, almonds, and raisins. (I’m grasping at straws).

In a blink of the eye, sweetness appears. But generic in exposition. No flavor wheel at work here, my dears.

The char line is screaming out “Save the children. Save my doggy!”

Not even with a year of humidor time will this cigar be smokeable. Maybe if I attached my car’s battery cables to the cigar’s groin, it will get jolted into becoming a $6 cigar.

The cigar actually shows some improvement. A hint of complexity and character begin to show themselves. Mild, mind you, but still available to a nuclear palate.

The halfway point arrives at 20 minutes. We are killing it now.

And then the cigar slows down. Most of the tobacco must have be located in the second half.

Strength is still right at a mild+.

The double cigar bands must have been tig welded to the stick. I’m like a monkey fucking a football trying to extricate them without causing damage to the cigar.

First sip of water and Gloriosky Bullwinkle…notes of creaminess, lemongrass, chocolate, homemade biscuits with butter, malt, and generic sweetness.

There is no balance to speak of.

The cigar either tastes like this from the start with 12 years of humi time…or it is just the way the cigar was designed.

The spiciness is wiping out the flavor profile. The inside of my giant open maw burns like sucking on an old bra.

Medium strength lands. And so does the nicotine. Fucking great.

The char line looks like my penis when I try to have sex with the old lady…discombobulated.

Totally linear. No surprises await.

Thank God that this cigar burns quickly. A normal Churchill should be at least a 90-minute smoke. At this progression, it will be half that.

LAST THIRD:
It took 30 minutes to get here.

The flavor profile that had been amended in the second half is now missing in action.
Even if this cigar was priced at $5, I wouldn’t touch it with Charlotte’s gigantic penis.

And what exactly is the purpose of presenting a cigar in a coffin? P.R. bullshit for sure. And it just adds to the hallucinatory price point.

I cannot believe that AJ approved this cigar for production. Did he have stomach cramps that day?

A one trick pony…a pony that has a mental deficiency.

Thankfully, the wrapper did not come apart this time.

I ran into a music producer I knew from my time in London. Long time ago, he was engineer on a David Bowie album.
Bowie was in the midst of laying down his vocal when he began to cry. The producer told the production assistant to get him some tissues. The dip shit could not find any but did find a new roll of toilet paper. He opened the door to the studio and flung the roll at Bowie and it smacked him in the head. That P.A. went on to have a successful career in the British Parliament.

This will never be a good cigar.
The $11 price tag is a farce. Even at $6, it is a failure.
The blend is now dead on arrival.

Remember, this review was a public service announcement and nothing else.

And if you got suckered into buying the Holy Grail, you must give up all of your Christian theology and become a born-again pagan.

Total smoke time is 40 minutes.
You are now left on your own recognizance.

RATING: 65

Don’t miss out! Paul Stulac Cigars can now be purchased from Small Batch Cigar. And don’t miss out using promo code KATMAN for 10% off your purchase.

Stay tuned for the next SWAG Daddy contest coming soon…
Check out Katman’s Kartel page at Small Batch Cigar and score deals on cigars from My Top 32 Cigars of 2023 ~ Rated 96 or Higher! Don’t forget to use KATMAN for 10% off your entire purchase!

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

Tags: aj fernandez cigars, Ave Maria Holy Grail | Cigar Reviews by the Katman, cigar reviews, cigar reviews by the katman, cigars, katman, phil kohn