Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano Oscuro
Binder: Ecuadorian
Filler: Nicaraguan, Dominican
Size: 5 x 48 Belicoso
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $22.00

NOTE: I was diagnosed with Covid almost two weeks ago. I can finally swallow (Don’t read anything into this). My tastiness is still gone. And I have Marty Feldman eyes when I try to illicitly and secretly smoke a cigar. But the good news is I’m not dying and I’m beginning to see daylight. Thanks to Crusader Rabbit Bible Study, I should be back at it soon…lots of crap to shed daylight on. Here is an altered review of an excellent cigar from earlier this year.

My cigars have had 3 months of naked humidor time.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
This quickly vanishing cigar is a hunch purchase. I shall insert my two cents on the validity of spending $22.

The draw causes cheek collapsification. I remember yesterday’s passion play did not end well for my PerfecDraw’s vagina. I smell fish. Panko breadcrumbs don’t help. Johnny Radar seeks absolution but is given serenity now. A monolithic Festivus Pole stands alone. Elton John’s clitoral stimulus is for naught. I ram the PD into the Black Honey. The only screams I hear are mine. Dr. Rod stares with a toothless smile. Whitening is not an option. My PD darts from the scene and sends Bruce Willis a text from the set of ‘Die Hard XXXVII.’ To be continued…

Chocolate. Reams of it. And honey. No idea of its specificity as I’m not a honey aficionado. It’s been 45 years since the stuff touched my lips. But I remember. Purple Haze. Creaminess galore. Cloves, cinnamon, and cumin. This is a great beginning. It passes the first inch rule…so far. No hesitation with serious complexity and richness. Fattitude. Bulky. This is what I’m ‘talking about.’ I didn’t shorten the last two words on purpose…it makes me appear literate.

Strength is medium. Body is medium/full.

I didn’t review previous iterations of this cigar. What a schmuck.

The first three months of rest were important. I smoked a couple sticks too soon. Hell yeah I regret that. $22.

Warped can be very inconsistent. A swing and a miss is Gellis’ middle name. Ah, that’s just mean. Or could I fabricate the truth. Either way. You just need to be careful with your purchases. Read every reviewer to get a wide viewpoint of Warped blends.

I liked Warped’s Devil’s Hands, Sky Moon, Bird on a Rose, Hog on a Snatch, La Colmena No. 44, HSC Hugo by Warped Cigars (SBC Exclusive), Eagles Descent, and Guardian of the Farm Apollo Selección de Warped. There were just as many in this general time period that I did not care for.

Who knew that a curved wiener was so common? I feel guilty that mine is as straight and true as the mini–Tootsie Roll flies.

I don’t know if the honey flavor is really there or it’s just my brain being susceptible to persuasion. No, I definitely taste it. And it’s good. But I also taste a healthy dose of both milk and dark cocoa. How do you split those. Might be a first. Might be me forgetting.

Spiciness is spot on. A combo of black and red pepper. The tongue tingles from the red pepperiness and the back of throat blackness are evenly matched. That ain’t easy.

I wonder why Gellis said upfront that it would be another 6 years before this stick is re-released. Must be the availability of the leaves he needs. What the fuck do I know. I’m into geriatric vitamins, good dope, and music.

The ash is like a structural member. Refuses to disembark. I hear The Beach Boys singing Sail on Sailor in the distance. There. Proved my point. At my age, everything is in the distance…except pending death.

A nuttiness appears. My testes crumple. One for the other. Very subtle changes. I must squint to garner Jennifer Juniper.

$22 is a lot of dough for a single cigar. It is also the portent of things to come in the new year. But I know the difference between being shanghaied and being given a gift. This blend, early as it is in my mouth, is a gift. Stupendous. Damn. I did not prepare my brain. I’m sleepy but Dr Robert’s surprise to the palate has me wide and awake.

Clearly, this diminutive sized cigar is the unflawed vision Gellis had for this blend. A bigger mass would have been wrong.

I was in London on July 29, 1965. Our bus, returning from Stratford on Avon, came rolling up to a mob in front of the London Pavillion. It was the British opening of The Beatles’ film “Help.” We were stuck for 15 minutes. The grownups among the tour were horrified. We five teens were blown away that we were in the midst of it all. My girlfriend Frieda had met the boys a year earlier, as arranged by her wealthy Beverly Hills parents, and had photos to prove it. She was royalty for a day.

I mean holy shit. 1-1/2” in and I’m just floored. A masterpiece of blending. Really. I wouldn’t fuck with you. Well, I would. But not about this. I’m giddy knowing the cigar will only get better from this point forward. I painfully force myself to take longer breaks between puffs to elongate the experience. You want to soak and stretch your dollar with this cigar.

This cigar saw its initial release in 2015. Then again in 2017. It even made HW’s top 25 for 2015. Rightly so. There is zero information concerning quantities released.
Buy some now before they are gone. Buy a box. Buy two boxes. I’m rating this baby a 98. My sponsors have them. They are listed below. I will continue anyway.

So, Sonja is blowing me in the limo while the band watched. We were bored. Stewart asked why I got to go first. I said it was my idea. He fell back into his seat frustrated. Somehow, my legs were jammed beneath my seat, and I couldn’t move. Sure, a BJ is great. But if cramps become the overlord, there is trouble in River City. I grabbed a tittie mag we got in Amsterdam. Stewart exploded with laughter and points…he didn’t need to as the boys were already in surveillance mode. Sonja finishes despite my need for reading material. Then it was Stewart’s turn. When he was spent, his head relaxed and turned towards me: “Phil. We are cum brothers.” He remembered this bond when he sent me $750 to help a brother out after my skydiving accident in 2001. He also remembered to send me a 1099 shortly so he could write it off.

Strength is medium/full.

Sweet v. Savory is money.

With discounts, this $22 stick will be only $19-$20. Every penny helps.

You’re nobody if you don’t host a History Channel program.

Imagine a sunset on the beach in Jamaica. Nubian girls are fanning you while one serves you grapes and honey coated bagels. Chocolate drips. Creamy almond ice cream is at the ready. A girl holds up the flavor wheel and you point excitedly. Caramel covered turtles are inserted. You are too relaxed to complain. Jalapeno poppers come and go. A eunuch dressed in drag does not fool you. But you don’t care. This moment was brought to you by Warped Black Honey.

Construction is immaculate. The burn bothers you not. Why am I writing. You stopped reading minutes ago and bought some. Six years. Will I still be reviewing. Probably not. Will I still be kicking. Hope so.

You can purchase Warped Black Honey from sponsor Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code KATMAN).

RATING: 98

Check out Katman’s Kartel page at Small Batch Cigar and score deals on cigars from My Top 32 Cigars of 2023 ~ Rated 96 or Higher! Use promo code: KATMAN for 10% off.

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

Tags: Black Honey by Warped Cigars | Cigar Reviews by the Katman, cigar reviews, cigar reviews by the katman, cigars, katman, phil kohn, warped cigars