Wrapper: Nicaraguan
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 6.5 x 54 Toro ~ Box Pressed
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $12.00

My cigars received 5 months of naked humidor time.
This series is the ‘budget’ or entry level for smokers to the Padrón line.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
While I reviewed the Maduro version in 2014, I’ve never critiqued the Natural. I plan on reviewing the Dark Helmet again tomorrow. So here goes…(thanks to Jeff Byrnes for the kick in the arse).

This is one fugly cigar. They often arrive wrinkled. The cigars are light in the loafers. I prefer a stick with more heft and better feel in the hand. It’s an Oedipal thing.

There is nothing special about the aromas emanating from the wrapper. Mostly barnyard with slight notes of dark chocolate, black coffee, brown citrus, and spicy peppers.

The cold draw is dark chocolate, candied almonds, black coffee, nougat, and a hint of mint. Resistance from the suck hole is on the money. I pretend to accidentally drop my PerfecDraw. I then accidentally stomp it several times with my favorite jack boots. I hear tiny yelps for my attention that I ignore…something I’ve learned from being married for 40 years.

This series of Padrón has been a fan favorite for years. Right off the bat, the blend soars with notes of baked bread, creamy hummus, cinnamon, buttery ferret, caramel gooiness, mild spiciness, and a generic nuttiness.

One thing that is very noticeable about the x000 series is its construction and whose exposed blister is always spot on. I’ve never had a single burn issue. That alone is stunning.

The tobacco fattens up from the heat. This big stick ain’t so easy to dangle from my koi-shaped lips. I love to suspend a fatty from my chops while I ooze indifference to my surroundings.

The ash is very genteel. It falls easily from its zeppelin housing. The cigar belongs in the ashtray and not as a jaw gargoyle.

An easy-going medium strength in the first expeditiousness of the cigar’s life. The balance is modalcious.

A couple inches in and I’m more than pleased with this blend. The Natural shaves the sharp edges that the Maduro often has. Two different animals. I am a maduro fan but there is a lot to be loved with a softer, gentler blend.

This blend is so easy going that I find myself drifting off into my own thoughts. A lovely mixture of leaves.

Prices are all over the place for the Padrón Series. I’ve seen it fluctuate from $11.00-$14.00. This is a big margin so you need to shop wisely.

Very creamy nougat. Lots of cinnamon baked goods, milk chocolate, caramel coated raisins, mild black pepper, and Almond Roca.

This is a 2-1/2 hour smoke. The first couple of inches took 45 minutes. The Natural comes in multitudes of sizes so if you’re not looking to make a career out of smoking a single cigar, there are options. I bought the larger size for my evening smokes.

Both the Maduro and Natural blends are Nicaraguan puros. Yet, they are completely different cigars. Padrón has mastered this approach. I’ve never heard anyone complain about this company…other than they can’t afford the company’s product.

You’re not a true SoCal Boomer if you don’t remember Pacific Ocean Park in Santa Monica. A large array of amusement rides that scared the shit out of every kid. Riding in a glass gondola over the crashing waves became a recurring nightmare…but oh so fun.

As the first half comes to an end, serious richness enters the picture for the first time. It is a wonderful surprise as this pleasant blend does deep knee bends and finds a new gear. I love the art of the flabbergast.

Strength realizes medium/full. We are in the afternoon or evening delight mode. A tad harsh for an empty stomach in the morning. Honestly, I don’t know how reviewers are able to critique a cigar later in the day. I can count on one hand the number of cigars I’ve not reviewed as the morning’s first cigar of the day.

Flavors are somewhat muted. But I don’t notice a lap. The blend is smooth and resonant. Rarely do similarly ilked cigars have this much refinement using a Nic puro blend.

The last third begins. It is seeped in richness and prolific vibrancy. A reader asked if the recently reviewed $47 Padrón 50th Anniversary Maduro was several times as good as the blends in the x000 series. Despite my raving about the expensive blend, I replied no. Cigars in the stratospheric price range are goofball one offs. They are for the guys with expendable discretionary cash. Padrón didn’t forget about the rank and file and has produced fine versions of their expensive lines.

The last two inches are pure gold. Complex and highly transitional. But the key is to leave them in your cedar-lined sarcophagus. The x000 blends soar with the eagles with extended sleep.

RATING: 95

And now for something completely different…in multiple parts:

I didn’t make a dime during the year I managed Eddie Munster in 1983. I funded this project on my own. I used the profits from my recording studio, an inheritance, and my small-time cocaine dealing. My dealer was a good friend, and I got the purest of the pure. I had 7 or 8 customers that I knew well. I was still paranoid as hell, but I was lucky. I can’t believe I was that stupid.

Butch knew how to put a few bucks in his pocket to survive. I also gave him some dough when he was pressed. I had a management contract with him that required me to pay him a minimum of $10,000 per year.

Butch had a miserable young life. He had something like 5 mothers and 7 fathers. Divorce, marry, divorce, marry…well, you get it.

Plus his biological mother stole his earnings. This was before the Jackie Coogan Law. This is where the money was put in a trust until the child actor was 18 or 21.
So mom used the money for herself. The crazy thing was she looked like a female Eddie Munster. I always had a smile on my face when I interacted with her.

Butch made shit for pay when he was on The Munsters. I can’t remember exactly, but Butch made either $400 or $600 per episode. That’s it. Back in the day, tv shows did 40 episodes per season. And since the show lasted only two years, Butch made a grand total of $40,000. It wasn’t until the show concluded that the Jackie Cooper law went into effect which forced the studios to pay actors for their residuals for the first time.

His mother stole the dough from his royalty checks from his 70’s tv shows. Butch asked me if he could have them sent to my house. Once, I opened a check not paying attention to who it was addressed to, and it as a $68 check for being in the TV show “Ironsides.”
Butch had to live on those checks. He was like Moses in the wilderness. But without purpose.

I’m only 2 years older than Butch but I became his older brother. His biological father died in 1983. He had a heart attack. The man owned several poker palaces in Gardena, California.

His father’s cronies ransacked the hidden safes and bank accounts minutes after he died.
Butch had a half-sister who was dating David Hasselhoff. I was a bit infatuated with this good-looking girl and attempted to horn in. Again, did I mention her boyfriend was Hasselhoff? I lost that battle.

The funeral was something that Butch didn’t want to attend. I convinced him to go. It was his father and this was his one and only chance to pay his respects in a formal setting. If he didn’t go, he would regret it for the rest of his life.

He said he would go if I went with him. I bought him a suit.

It was a large cathedral and maybe 100 people attended. Half of which looked to be gangsters and high dollar hookers.

Afterwards, he told me he was glad he had gone.

A few days later, there was a reading of the will. The asshole of a father left everything to Butch’s sister. And not a single penny to Butch.

Butch went postal. He hated me for talking him into going to the funeral.

Butch’s sister was being pulled at from all directions and began to lose her hair. She was a mess from the stress of everyone wanting their “share.”

To be continued…

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