Wrapper: U.S. Pennsylvania Broadleaf
Binder: Ecuadorian Sumatra Hybrid
Filler: Dominican, Nicaraguan
Size: 5.875 x 60 Perfecto
Strength: Full
Price: $16.75
Quantity: Regular Production
Released: February 2025
Factory: Fábrica de Tabacos Nica Sueño S.A.
My cigars received 3 months of naked humidor time.
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Most smokers will agree that this is a very consistent brand. Reviewers often pish posh the significance of these varied blends with so-so ratings. The trick is that the lines need extensive humidor aging. There are no shortcuts. Even touching the hem of this cigar after only 3 months is foolish. But then I’m giving it hell anyway.
The wrapper hoists sweet aromas of a Milky Way bar, pilsener beer, the blackest of coffees, and just a hint of jalapeno.
I suck but get no air. I clip the foot again so the aperture is 3/8”. My PerfecDraw is a simpering idiot waiting in the wings. I let loose the dogs of war. But only one stab is required. My PD tool wants more. I tase it. It sleeps.
The cold draw is more chocolate candy bar with caramel and nougat plus salty and buttery popcorn, black pepper, black cherries, espresso, and malt.
The start is very sweet with tart citrus leanings. I apologize to the rest of the world as this simperific American whines that a cigar at $17 is expensive…but it is. Especially for a RoMa Craft blend. The message sent is that this is a special blend…and message received, so it better be good. $84 for a fiver is a lot of dough.
Flavors spread like wildfire: Caramel, black cherries, espresso, dark chocolate, black pepper, pecan wood, rich earthiness, slight fennel, and fresh plums. I know you can’t live without very descriptive adjectives and nouns so I’m completing my responsibility as a serious cigar reviewer.
In essence, this is a Gordo vitola. It’s just shaped funny. Normally, I wouldn’t reach into my humidor for a cigar this size without at least 6 months of humi time. Maybe the special part is the blend outweighs its Mothra size. A minimum of a two-hour smoke.
Stewart and I found that we were funny guys. Radio interviews were always necessary when arriving in a new city. To keep ourselves sane, we made the ritual manic and out of control. We edged out the other band members’ time to shine in the spotlight. We were The Stooges meet The Marx Brothers. It pissed off Darryl and Sonja. Darryl asked me to teach him to be clever. I tried. It didn’t take. So Darryl plotted to get even. He told reporters at every concert that I played with Elvis. There was no internet. These guys believed anything you told them. I put on a faux Southern accent and talked a lot of trash. Darryl tired of it as it, once again, stole the spotlight from him.
The elephantiasis is that this cigar is billed as full strength and dumb fuck me be smoking it on an empty stomach. Oddly, the cigar begins with a slightly potent medium power which is so far no biggie.
The cigar is packed solid and yet its fire disappears. I re-light. What a wonderful world this would be if a couple pages of instructions came with every cigar you purchased. Such as, if you taste marmot droppings and peppermint tampons, then you’ve lit the wrong end. Simple, but helpful.
1-1/2” inches in and the balance moves away from the very sweet beginnings. In fact, the sweetness nearly disappears. Sometimes, huffing and puffing too frequently can cause this. I restructure my approach and stop it. Possibly also to blame is that I stare at the cigar and it is not devolving into a smaller cigar…no matter how much I smoke, it remains the same length.
In an interview, Sonja said she wasn’t happy with me because I played too funky. One of my early influences was Dave Mason’s rhythm section. Funkaphonic.
Speaking of a meteorological impact…the CroMagnon bears down like a urologist with attitude.
I met Stevie Wonder once. He didn’t recognize me.
I’ve managed to finally approach the end of the first half. Most definitely a pleasant smoke. The strength did not affect my powers of the mind (Shut up). Balance was even steven. I thought that the strong beginnings of varied flavor implements would turn this baby into a flavor bomb. Not so fast…it was lightly complex, slightly transitional, and with a mild amount of richness. All I can think of is $84 for a fiver.
Speaking of stream of consciousness, my longtime friend, drummer Stephen Hodges always had the goal of playing in Al Green’s band. He came close enough for jazz. He has spent a decade playing in the Mavis Staples Band.
The golden shower curtain exposes a slicker version of the first half.
I spoke to Dr. Rod the other day. He is still old. To liven things up, he bought Michael Jackson’s oxygen chamber…but unfortunately, the chimp was part of the deal, and the animal is driving Kurthy nuts. Another use for the PerfecDraw unveiled.
The strength drops me like a bastard learning the truth. I’m defenseless as ICE breaches my door and throws a flash bang grenade…I throw myself upon my humidors. Happens a lot…Charlotte’s Green Card hangs by a thread. She has had one for 50 years and yet current events scare the shit out of her. Dementia is not her friend.
The second half is everything I had hoped it would be. Serious richness kicks in without using a smoke bomb. Complexity is through the roof. Flavors are expelled from their hiding places. Feelin’ Alright.
I betcha’ a dollar that the first half will come out to play with 6-9 months of humidor time. Did I review the blend too early? Probably.
I was always 6 foot tall. Now that I’m old, I’m a Hobbit. Charlotte drives me around in the kid seat in the shopping cart when we go to the market. I counter the stares by always having an unlit cigar in my mouth. Everyone thinks I’m Billy Barty.
Transitions move up the evolutionary scale to momentous. Whizzing by like crows chasing ferrets for their blue plate special.
This is the first time since I began that I’m comfortable describing actual flavors: black cherries, dark chocolate, vanilla toffee, buttery popcorn, malt, black pepper, and slight citrus.
Lawdy, the strength has me playing the didgeridoo without a single lesson. Goddam the Pusherman.
The first half of this cigar gets a 90. I’m gonna average the splendid second half with the first. If nothing else, I’m a fair and gentile man.
Never smoke this cigar on an empty stomach. Unless you need a trip in the Way Back Machine to 1967.
The milky dark chocolate is just stunning. I find it a shame that blenders can’t make this happen in a medium strength cigar. You can fill a book about what I don’t know.
I could easily make up a bunch of bullshit about the rest of the cigar because its power has me on my hind legs. I could do that. I’m having a good time so I won’t.
In 2025, I don’t really know what constitutes a flavor bomb. Most of it is in our heads. But the CroMag is approaching event horizon.
I met bassist Peter Albin of Big Brother & the Holding Company during my first pre-concert tour rehearsal with Curved Air. I thought he was there to replace me. I damn near shat myself. Turns out he showed up to kibitz with Sonja while changing out the strings on his paisley Fender bass.
The sinewy brawn of this cigar now enters fight or flight mode. It takes only 32 seconds for my life to pass before me. With Stulac’s last two inches on the Red Screaming Sun, it takes 36 seconds. I gotta call Paul and figure this out.
The second half is near perfect. I must deduct two points for causing temporary paralysis of my brain. I wouldn’t have it any other way.
When you buy the CroMagnon, go ahead and smoke one too early. But then let the indominable skill of your patience allow the rest to sleep. You will be rewarded.
You can purchase the RoMa Craft CroMagnon 2024 Gran Perfecto from sponsor Small Batch Cigar. Take 10% off with promo code KATMAN.
RATING: 95
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