Wrapper: Connecticut Broadleaf
Binder: Nicaraguan Estelí
Filler: Nicaraguan Estelí, Jalapa, Ometepe
Size: 5 x 50 Robusto
Strength: Full
Price: $14.00
Factory: NACSA Nicaragua

My cigars received 4 months of naked humidor time.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Naming a cigar for one’s dearly departed pet is very popular. I’m waiting to see a blend named Moshe Schmuel…or Finnegan Rory O’Brien. I’d buy both.

I believe I’ve gone nose blind. After a while, every cigar begins to smell the same: barnyard, chocolate, nuts, and spicy peppers. This one smells like chocolate, barnyard, gonadian persimmons, and black pepper.

I move in with my PerfecPunch. A PerfecHole is achieved. This is a new product from Dr. Rod. It doesn’t do anything but it’s only $19.99. But wait, there’s more…No airflow. Dead stick. I grab the effervescent star of stage and screen, PerfecDraw. One semi-deep drilling action and the detritus near the cigar band is removed. I now have PerfecAir. Bundled with the PerfecHole, it is only $10.99.

The cold draw is spicy Mexican mole sauce. Followed by Cinnabons, Almond Joy, and Milky Way. Look, I’ve designed an Ezra Zion cigar blend.

The start is similar to only the closest 9,000 relatives using this style of blend. It’s dark chocolate, espresso, almonds, black pepper, and slight creaminess. Did I leave anything out?

And while I’m carping away, a strange thing happens…the blend kicks into gear with luxurious richness and earthiness. Hold the leather. Very nice. I should edit out that first bit of complaining but what’s the point. I’ll only start whining with a goat’s nest of self-entitled prejudice at some point later in this review. I’m predictable. I bet A.I. could be me better than me.

I smoked only one stick prior to this review. It was not on an empty stomach and as such, it paid the price of being only a fair to middlin’ experience.

In the early two incher mark, the cigar is a tasty morsel. Is it exemplary? It feels more like standard faire. Been here, done that a million times by other equally good blenders. The mid-teens dollars is now the price smokers must pay for a decent smoke that is acceptable to sophisticated palates. I saw this coming a couple years ago and ranted like a crazy man. I have no idea why I did that. The cigar industry barreled over us like we were straw in asphalt. If we see a cigar for only $12, we jump and yell hurrah.

The cigar plumped nicely. The roll is slow. The blend is mildly complex. Flavors are muted. Transitions have not kicked in. But there is a well done richly refined element that keeps my interest in seeing where it goes. Like my money when I fork out for a fiver.

Everyone likes Gellis and his Warped creations. The man is a solid wizard. He turns dirt into smokeable shrubs.

I’m listening and watching The Analogues. What a brilliant idea to reenact every Beatles’ tune with precision. Not a cover band. They don’t dress up. They play albums from start to finish. Technology has allowed them to play live what the Mop Tops couldn’t in the 60’s. What’s really cool is that they researched the instruments used for each recording and tracked them down from all over the world. Even cooler is that these guys are Dutch.

And the cigar goes out. Distractions. Although, a stellarly constructed cigar should always stay lit…even for a time out of 5-10 minutes.

I’m nearing the halfway point. Robustos do not normally last for more than 90 minutes and so far, this stick has clocked in appropriately. Instead of transitions, flavor points hit their mark early and stick their landings. Thankfully, they are palate pleasing choices. I’m having a good time.

In my early recording studio days, I found that most good players had a singular fault. They were unable to play their parts over and over exactly the same until a take was completed. This was frustrating. Especially when I recommended these guys to a client. After a couple months of trying everyone I knew, it boiled down to a handful of successful studio cats. I burned bridges because the guys I passed on took my criticism to heart. Recording a pop song is not jazz. There is no room for contemporaneous riffing.

But there was no better way to get bass dates than owning a studio. Each time a client asked if I knew a good bassist, I raised my hand. Unfortunately, I couldn’t play and produce a recording. I’d sit in the control booth from 11pm-6am all alone with my bass. Despite seeing double from being up for 24 hours, I loved it.

The first half was solid if not eventful. And now for the awaited sweet spot. Does it come or does it fold like a cheap suit?

The ruling flavor is dark chocolate. An easy going fudginess. Right behind is a nice creaminess…followed by roasted almonds, cherries, earthiness, burnished oak, and black pepper. Slightly complex…and the absolutely required richness that provides a serious depth to this blend. I’d rather pay $10 but I’ll dig deep and gladly pay $14…but wait, after promo codes, only $12.60. Now we’re talkin’.

I’m getting ahead of myself. I’m in the crucial last two inches. Most cigars fail at this point. They become harsh, or worse…the blend collapses in on itself. Fingers crossed.

Remember in ‘Spinal Tap’ when the boys get lost in the bowels and riverways of a large auditorium? All the time holding their fists in the air and yelling ‘Rock and Roll!’ That happened to me just once when I was in Curved Air. The road manager always led us to the stage with his righteous flashlight. We wandered the basement like Moses seeking the Holy Land. And we yelled the obligatory mantra of rock n roll. There was an eventual panic but the chief roadie found us and we were saved. Brushing away cobwebs in your path will alert you something is wrong.

The last third is performing like a journeyman. One thing I missed describing is that the tobacco tastes aged. I gave it a few months in my cedar sarcophagus but there is more to it than simple nakedness. Clearly, Kyle Gellis made good choices when designing the blend. I betcha’ half the time, these guys are as surprised as anyone that a cigar blend turned out very cool and appealing.

Musicians are a needy bunch. We expose our art for affirmation and ridicule. What’s wrong with us?

The Sarto passed muster. It finishes with assurance and style. Did it knock me off my socks? It did not. But I’ll take pleasant and composed all day long.

You can purchase Warped Sarto from sponsor Small Batch Cigar. Take 10% off with promo code KATMAN.

RATING: 94

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

Tags: cigar reviews, cigar reviews by the katman, cigars, katman, kyle gellis, phil kohn, warped cigars, Warped Sarto | Cigar Reviews by the Katman