Wrapper: Undisclosed
Binder: Undisclosed
Filler: Undisclosed
Size: 6.25 x 49 Toro
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $130.00
Released: September 2024
Blenders: Carlos “Carlito” Fuente Jr. and Manny Iriarte
Factory: Chateau de La Fuente Dominican Republic

This cigar was a gift from anonymous reader, Inigo Montoya. Humidor time was approximately 6-8 months.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Where do I start? Looking at this cigar raises no eyebrows as it has plain jane written all over it. Is there a U-235 pellet inside making it a killer blend? The toe jam from King Tut (cue Steve Martin). I bet nobody reviews this cigar in the blind taste format…that would be a riot.

Holding and rotating this cigar reminds me of #4 rebar. The stick is solid without a single iffy spot. It just might be safe-to-use uranium.

Its aromas are 80% barnyard with the balance being dark chocolate, floral, mint, cantaloupe, and spicy peppers.

I use my trustworthy PerfecPunch to open the thin duke’s blow hole. How do the sheikhs of Araby keep their hands from shaking when smoking their custom made $1000 cigars? This is the most expensive cigar my bonerless hands have ever held.

The draw is stifled. I insert my PerfecDraw down to its hilt once and the thing is fixed. The cold draw is extreme dark chocolate pudding with other notes of espresso, mint, baking spices, malt, buttered popcorn, and licorice. I believe I’ve just described Jelly Bellys.

I’m afraid to bring torch to foot. Instead, maybe I should use the cigar as a display piece in a Lucite pen and pencil set…memorializing it for all time. Fuck it, I’m lighting up.

Here is why I am scared…this was a very kind gift. I don’t want to make my friend feel bad if the cigar is a turd…or that I may have jumped the shark and reviewed it too soon. Will my opinions be skewed? Despite being associated with the cigar industry, I’m human.

Is this what the too-rich-for-their-own-good kings of pauperhood feel like? The blend slams it home in the first puffs. Wow.

I am sent a message from the blend: “Sir, you are a chosen one…and I don’t mean your Jewish heritage. Please observe the rules and regs of critiquing me. Keep your head and hands inside the ride. Secure your colostomy bag. Expel any and all Fleet Enemas from your person. Because here we go!”

Dark chocolate, espresso, heavy malt, baking spices, mild black pepper, mint, graham cracker, and creamy Twinkie.

There is immediate complexity. This is what rich guys are accustomed to smoking. I get it now. I’m such a schlub. We are all unknowing schlubs. I had no idea until these last moments. OMG. I’ve turned into a 13-year-old girl.

There is a heavy richness that is out of my wheelhouse for descriptives. My mouth feels full of exotic finishes. The flavors last and last. They don’t exit my palate. This is not a cigar you dangle from your lips while mowing the hedges or trimming the coffee table. It holds court in my ashtray with a regal air. The char line is perfectomundo. There are voices in my head telling me to savor, savor, savor. I comply with a nod of my Mickey Mouse ears.

I gently tap the ash. I hear a clunk. It refuses to disembark the mother ship. Maybe I can get one of those seven mile island shots of the never-ending compendium of toasty molecules that accumulate on the reservoir tip of your cigar.

And the ash falls on my lap causing girly shrieks. From me, not the cigar.

Who gives a shit about the mild flavor profile. It is all about the refined richness, the inherent complex nature, and the boastful quality one needs at the uppity men’s club you overpay to accept you as a member.

And then I am shocked as the cap unwinds like a Slinky in front of me. WTF? Maybe it is a trick to announce that the strippers are finally here to entertain the troops. No part of a $130 cigar should become disheveled at any time. Points deducted.

Very slow burn. As it should be. I enter inch #3, or in layman’s terms: Second Third.

This is what an expensive OpusX looks like when the cap comes apart:

Sgt. Pepper plays in my head. Pink Floyd’s ‘Have a Cigar’ plays on track 2. And The Archies plays ‘Sugar, Sugar’ in my frontal lobe. Lawdy.

And the cigar goes out. There seems to be trouble in River City. This can’t be happening.

I relight and hear groans of acceptance. I can’t tell if they’re mine or the cigar’s. If I hear voices of Teddy Roosevelt singing Doo Wop, should I see someone? I’m on Medicare so options are limited.

Something is wrong with the draw. Oh no. The cigar is caving in on itself. No dynastic leader in the Middle East would put up with this while lounging on pillows and watching dancing girls do their thing.

The cigar goes out again. My world is crumbling.

Something is wrong with the draw. It feels loose and the cigar becomes hot. The cherry glows but there is little transferred from stick to mouth. What is going on?

The entire multi-layered experience has changed. The draw is as soggy as day old Depends. Flavors depart and instead I’m left scrambling for something good to comment on.

I suck hard and smoke just won’t move into my mouth. It has become stagnant. Oh dear God…this can’t be happening. I can never face Inigo Montoya again.

I am not going into constant relighting mode because you know what this does to a cigar. It ruins it. Damn.

You can’t return a cigar like you do Bermuda shorts that don’t fit. It’s a big hit to discard a C Note plus 30.

Flavors are relegated to being anything by Kelner, but not quite as good. It becomes a wannabe.

Only a couple industry reviewers can afford to do the three-cigar critique. Imagine spending $390 so you can entertain smokers for 5 minutes. Ha.

I’m entering the second half, but all seems lost. It won’t stay lit. I’m reluctantly packing it in. What a brilliant start and then a reckoning with the devil that shows itself at the close of the first third.

I apologize profusely, Inigo. I was sure it would end up in my top 25 list. Rich guys don’t read reviews so there is no way of warning them.

P.S. I used my HumidiMeter before lighting up and it registered a perfect 69%.

RATING: 60

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

Tags: cigar reviews, cigar reviews by the katman, cigars, fuente cigars, Fuente Opus X Society La Edición De La Sociedad | Cigar Reviews by the Katman, katman, opus x, opusx, phil kohn