Wrapper: Undisclosed Proprietary 7 years aged
Binder: Dominican
Filler: Dominican, Nicaraguan, Ecuadorian
Size: 6 x 50 Toro
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $20.00
Date Released: 2022
Quantity Released: Limited
Factory: El Séptimo La Mansión, Costa Rica
My cigars received 4 months of naked humidor time.
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Say the name of this cigar 5 times fast.
In 2023, I reviewed two blends: The Sacred Arts Collection Raphael Robusto Extra 96 and Empress of Sheba Maduro 93.
El Septimo gets carried away with naming their blends. It is impossible for any regular guy to remember what he smoked, making it harder to choose next time if you didn’t write it down. It’s a cigar for chrissakes, not your 6th child born into royalty. Plus, ES’s cigars aren’t cheap. Not outrageous but they certainly don’t fall into the line of affordable when a fiver runs a C note.
This is a good-looking cigar. The oil drips and the coloring is spectacular. Much like me in the morning while crawling from the wreckage. But the cigar feels a little light. Things might change once the effigy process begins.
The wrapper smells like a chocolate candy bar. Similar to a split in half Three Musketeers with that nougaty, mousse-like offering. Black pepper oozes from its own lagoon. The foot smells like chocolate covered raisins. I’ve not eaten anything yet today and my low blood sugar is sending signals.
The cold draw is spicy with notes of clove, nutmeg, cinnamon, dark chocolate, black and red pepper, marshmallow, and graham cracker. I better eat something.
Before I forget…I bought a few humidifiers for our home. One is dedicated to my cave. Proving my theory that Sure Seal technology on my humidors is bullshit, the humidifier has wrenched them free from their inadequacy. I’ve seen a marked improvement in keeping a steady 66% in the four humidors. Initial reason for buying the spritzy things was that I’d wake up with an inability to swallow from a dry throat. Secondary was my old man skin started looking lizard-like. An inexpensive $70 humidifier cured both issues. I have no issues looking like a horny toad, but my cigars need proper love.
62,000 words and I haven’t lit up.
Tremendous start. This is my third cigar over the period of 4 months. The first one was during the ‘I see you staring at me. You lookin’ at me?’ period during the first week of ownership. The second was two weeks ago and it was a bloomin’ onion, so I decided this morning I’d don my feather duster pantsuit and go to work. Normally, I write reviews in a bedazzled Depends and Skechers Slip Ons.
The flavors reinforce the candy bar pictorial. Chocolate, marshmallow, nuts and rich earthy qualities are reminiscent of a Nic puro, which this isn’t. The wrapper is advertised as being aged 7 years and I can taste the effort.
The cigar plumps. The burn is slow. In less than half an inch, complexity plants its flag. I realize that I wasted two cigars by not being patient. $40 down the toilet.
I know the end is near when tv commercials show the need for women’s razors to rake in their pubes. Venus razors. If I see guy razors for the same thing, I’m going to watch an instructional video by David Carradine.
This cigar is becoming la dolce vita. There was no fucking around. It decided early that it wanted to impress. Go ahead El Septimo, call your cigars anything you want.
This is not a flavor bomb. Transitions are minimal but it is the statuesque depth that borders on staggering. Eight miles high. Honey, honey, sugar, sugar. I’m still on the first inch. To our dismay, we’ve all used that line when we were young. No woman I knew bought into it.
Back in the day, I saw legendary guitarist Dick Dale at a small gig in Redondo Beach. My buddy had scheduled a radio interview for after the date. I sat in. I was in awe of the man until I heard him manage to work in how great he was every other sentence.
The blend is smooth. Strength is medium as the I see the end of the first half. Out of nowhere, a floral aroma and taste arrive. Followed by my nostrils shifting to that wonderful aroma that a cotton candy machine makes. Flavors are upped. Does this thing of ours have a proper consigliere to advise my palate correctly? Or will it be murdered next to the fruit stand.
A maltiness ensues and doubles down with a chocolate mousse. My mother’s side of the family was all mobbed up. My aunt married 5 times. All gangsters. If she brought home someone who wasn’t named Swifty, we worried about her. Bugsy Siegel was mom’s 2nd cousin. Never met the man. My criminal attorney gramps was rubbed out by the mob on New Year’s Eve 1952. Message sent. Message received. Cleveland was the wild west in the 30’s and 40’s.
The first half was a delight. Great cigar. But there have been some minor burn issues that are quite annoying. It is a dichotomy of wonderful flavors vs. less than stellar construction.
Upon returning from being a soldier in the European theater during WWII, my dad went back to school and got his law degree. He went to work for my mother’s father. After gramps was murdered, my dad said fuck this and went back to school to get his civil engineering degree. We promptly moved out to L.A. in ’55. He thought he could outrun the mob members in mom’s family. They all moved to L.A. too. I grew up seeing the gangster uncles sitting at our dinner table dressed in three-piece suits, greased back hair, pencil mustaches, and wearing black see-through socks. It was inevitable that they would take me aside and slip me $20. Warning me not to tell my parents. The folks figured it out when I was able to spend $4 on a Revell model kit, and not the lesser priced AMC.
Marshmallow and dark chocolate move to the forefront. Strength gets serious. My manhood and ginormous giblets are tested due to the quick nuclear strength. Newbies will volunteer for a quick bullet to the brain pan. The rest of us will find the strength bringing out our ability to sing show tunes.
Raisins continue but begin morphing into dried cranberries. Almonds vacillate into hazelnuts. The black pepper is strong. Complexity is on point. This is a grownup cigar.
The construction issues settle down.
When I returned to L.A. the U.K. in ’76, my gun mol aunt took me to lunch. She proposed that she would like to manage me. I laughed and told her that she didn’t know anyone. She did but it hadn’t occurred to me that her mob ties could have helped me greatly. She didn’t push it but was clearly disappointed. I should have taken her up on the offer but then I would have been beholden to guys with crooked noses named Big Jim and Joe the Barber. After 5 failed marriages, she spent the last 25 years of her life as executive secretary to the guy that ran Ceasars Palace in Las Vegas.
I believe that due to the aging of the wrapper, there is a fragility which explains minor burn issues. It doesn’t interfere with my enjoyment. Just something to whine about.
The flavor profile in the second half is nothing short of spectacular. Thank God I’m not an industry reviewer. These guys have a self-imposed sense of importance and a false perception of responsibility to the cigar industry. Most refuse to rate cigars highly. But many will kick a cigar to the curb without giving a cigar a chance to mature properly. And yet the industry folks love them for their supposed honesty. 85-90 is a superficial place to live. Most lack creativity or enthusiasm.
Cigar Page sells El Septimo blends but not this one. If you are a fan of this brand, you can’t do better than scoring them from CP who offer 40% discounts. $12 per stick goes down a lot better than $20. I highly recommend the 6-count sampler as the best way to go if you’re a newbie to El Septimo. Go to Cigar Page HERE.
But wait, there’s more. I chose to review this cigar on a whim. Which is how I live my life. I typically pepper poor Alex Gougher for promo codes about 4 minutes before I decide to write a critique. He slaps his forehead but always comes through. You get another 10% off with SEPTIMO10. He’s my boy.
The cigar would have rated higher if not for minor burn issues.
RATING: 95
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