Wrapper: Nicaraguan Habano
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 5.6 x 46 Corona Gorda
Strength: Medium
Price: $2.50 Ha. Keep Reading.
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Have I become a complete shill for the Man. It sure seems like it. But if you’ve read more than two of my reviews, you probably have a good sense of who I am.
Cigar Page is always getting a slew of new cigars. Alex Gougher sends me the stuff he thinks I should try. Some are good, some are not. But this is how I’m exposed to new off-the-wall cigars. I can’t afford to spend $1000 per month on cigars. I’ll leave that for my betters.
When I got the Crane’s, I checked them out on Cigar Page. Not much info there. Who the hell is Crane? And why are the cigars only $2.50? Is this crap on toast? My guess is yes.
I’m not going to waste 1000 words on this cigar. So, hang loose.
It is a rich earthy blend. I could smoke them all day. I know, I know, I must have lost my mind. But you’re thinking that I’ve given in. Remember, this is my last year. I’m going for the nuts and scrotal region of the industry. This is the no bullshit tour.
You know as much as me that the first half inch is the money shot in the world of impressions. It ain’t that bad. In fact, it’s really not bad at all. I was hoping to write a scathing review to shame Alex for sending it. He and I did a Zoom about two months ago, and as an afterthought, he brought up the subject of this cigar.
They were passing them around the office, and everyone was surprised. Good surprised. I told him to send me a fiver. If they’re selling them for $2.50…what, they paid a dime? A quarter?
There are notes of earthy chocolate, espresso, nuts, baking spices, and sweet fruitiness. I mean, what the fuck? This pisses me off. If a decent cigar can be sold at a profit by the manufacturer, the distributor, and the retailer for less than $3? I mean, what the fuck? What does that tell you about the logjam in your humidors? I don’t think that the cigar industry is corrupt on a wide scale. I do think that they are greedy bastards who do very well for themselves. They don’t give a shit about cigar reviewers. Why? Because we don’t fucking matter. That’s right. We suck dick. Whose dick? Stewart Copeland’s dick.
I discovered that drummer Copeland starts a 33-city tour of the U.S. this summer doing an informal oratory session. He will tell stories and who knows what else. I then found out he’s going to be here in Milwaukee on July 30. I reached out to his man in Europe, Giovanni Pollastri. I’ve known good ol’ Gio for 25 years. He got back to me an hour later. Believe it or not, he was happy to hear from me. Later, Stewart got back to him, and he is looking forward to seeing me. Apparently, Mr. 7 Grammys and Mr. Hall of Fame does some waxing about Curved Air in his star show. Gio said both he and Stewart will get in touch with me to discuss things further. Could I be invited on stage to swap road stories? Maybe. I think they want to talk to me to see if a 76-year-old man can put two sentences together. Stay tuned.
I taste cherries and vermouth. Construction is excellent. Really excellent as the cigar is not light in the loafers. It burns slowly. The char line is on point. The strength began at a very nice medium. It has just enough mild complexity with a few nice transitions. It’s a nice oily stick, not some drab crapola looking thing we associate with cheap. I’m kvelling. I’m plotzing. I’m a schlemiel for being a snob.
The only con. It was stuffed a little too much. I used my PerfecDraw and it took only one swoosh and the problem was solved. Of the four sticks I’ve smoked, this was the only one with an initial draw issue.
I refuse to ask Alex for a promo code. Even you guys aren’t that cheap. If nothing else, everyone has a set of mooch friends that really don’t know shit about cigars. You can hand them this nice-looking cigar, make up some whack shit about the history of the blend, tell them you love this cigar…and then lie by telling them it’s a $13 stick. Watch their eyes glaze. Especially, when you light up one too.
Despite being only a corona gorda, its smoke time is about the same as a toro because it’s stuffed like a scarlet pimpernel on National Kishka Day.
A fiver is $17. A bundle of 20 is $49.
I’m not going to rate it because this is as far as I go shilling this cigar. It’s a solid buy. You won’t regret it. Start with a fiver. Or two. This ain’t a Padron. It’s a great in the moment cigar.
Fuck, I used 872 words. Apologies.
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Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS
You’re speaking my language here. We have arrived at the same reality: The cigar industry has us bent over the kitchen table and is delivering it dry. I’m retired. 74 and my last filter of diplomacy is gone. Greg A. in SW Oregon
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We’ve been bent sideways since the 90’s. The real sickness accelerated at the same time that every corporation in America used Covid as the excuse to go for consumer’s nuts. The cigar industry has never been accused of holding back unreasonable profits.
There isn’t another popular cigar blog on the planet that promotes free speech like this one.
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