Wrapper: Esteli Nicaraguan Ecuadorian Habano Rosado

Binder: Nicaraguan

Filler: Nicaraguan

Size: 6.875 x 60

Body: Medium

Price: $10.00

The release of Big Bad John “Jackhammer” was a big deal in the world of Ortega’s Cigars. A grand plan had been made equal to the landing at Normandy. 12 different blends are planned to be released each month of 2013. As far as I know, only the first has been released. The list is as follows, courtesy of Cigar Coop:

January: Big Bad John “Jackhammer”
February: Iron Mike “I Beam”
March: Island Jim “Wahoo”
April: Tony “The Boss”
May: “DA” Byrdman
June: “honest” Abe
July: “Wild” Bill
August: “Fast” Eddie
September: “Gearhead” Gary
October: “Dandy” McCoy
November: “Warrior” Nick
December: “the Crusher”

The Ortega Wild Bunch is made at the My Father Cigars factory in Esteli, Nicaragua.

From Smoke Inn’s web site:

“The newest collection to come from cigar veteran Eddie Ortega, the Wild Bunch is a collection of cigars inspired by the larger-than-life characters whose names adorn the collection. Twelve total cigars — each of a different size, blend, and name — make up Ortega’s Wild Bunch, and only 500 boxes of each blend will be produced. The first release in the collection is the Big Bad John: 6 7/8″ x 60, this 20-box is home to a full-bodied cigar comprised of Nicaraguan fillers & binder, plus an Estelí Ecuadorian Habano wrapper.”

The Rosado wrapper is a sharp brown unlike most other rosado wrappers. I read the color described as “red clay” which is the perfect description. This is a BIG cigar and I allowed it to rest a few weeks before reviewing it. I could have jumped the gun to be in step with the other reviewers, but first; I was not on the Ortega reviewer’s list (I am now), and second, big cigars need lots of resting time in one’s humidor to settle in and allow the blender’s intent to develop.

So whatever this is today, it is.

The stick is as solid as dynamite. A little rustic looking with some large veins but seams are tight. The cap is flawless. It has a nice oily sheen and some toothiness. It looks like a double or triple cap but I’m not sure.

The band is one of the first to have an abundance of info on it. First, it says “1 of 12.”  It also says in small print: “Grupo Salvaje “The Wild Bunch.”  It has the name of the cigar on it. And “Premium Ortega Cigars.” That’s a lot. A small billboard.

I do a Yarmulke cut, just taking off the wrapper at the cap. And sniff around. Lots of earthiness, very potent, black pepper. Almost makes me sneeze when I sniff the foot…And then I do sneeze: Twice…..and black tea.

I finally went out and bought my first S.T. DuPont lighter. It works flawlessly toasting the foot of the behemoth. I have a small mouth which made me undesirable in San Quentin and this stick is a mouthful. I feel like Tony Soprano.

There is also some strong cedar flavor. And then a nice sweetness to it. The draw is dead nuts perfect and the char line is close to perfect. I have the most trouble lighting a 60 ring gauge than any other size, so any imperfections are my fault.

For only being in my humidor a few weeks, I detect lots of flavors coming to the surface. The black turns to red pepper and my sinuses open. Since I smoke as I write, this will take a while and will smoke, step away from my laptop, and come back to it many times to finish this.

Big Bad John has a folklore background of being a miner who saved his fellow miners during a cave in. The time frame for this event is vague but one can assume it happened in the 1800’s. And as such, I decided to use my usual prop of the Santa Fe Railway. No. It has nothing to do with a mine. But it conveys the period of our country when hundreds of thousands of men did extremely dangerous work to push this country forward…to bring us into the industrial age. My 1955 Santa Fe Super Chief ashtray is made of the most delicate glass. My parents and I  came by train to Los Angeles in 1955, from Cleveland, and my mother kept the ashtray. And I’ve kept it quite safe ever since. The ashtray sat on the table of the train’s fanciest restaurant: “The Turquoise Room.”

The burn line is erratic and I help it along.

The first inch is wonderful. Very fulfilling. Very earthy and rich. Mixed with sweetness and spiciness and wood, it’s wonderful…and then something happens…I get a wallop of creaminess only an inch in. Wow. That is extremely unusual for a cigar, let alone a giant cigar. Along with the creaminess, comes some cocoa…Nicaragua didn’t fail me.

Diet Coke.

Each sip brings out the cocoa and makes it heaven on earth. The only time I drink anything but water with my cigars.

I love this cigar. While not cheap, I was concerned that no matter when I smoked it, it would be too soon due to size. I was dead wrong. Flavors are pouring out. And it stays at a nice medium body. Since I have only one Atkins shake in me for breakfast, I welcome that.

I sat on the couch and watched some TV for 15 minutes so I could get to the second third. In retrospect, the first third was loaded with complexity. Laser beams of taste attack the palate like a guided missile. I got some dried, very sweet fruit in that first third. Not sure what yet.

As the second third begins, coffee shows up and mixes with the cocoa and sweetness perfectly. The cigar is perfectly balanced. Nothing overwhelms the individual components and flavor profile. And sparse sips of Diet Coke are divine darling. Yes. I am gay now that today is my 28^th wedding anniversary. I figure if you don’t use it, you lose it and I’ve lost it.

One of the seams near the foot comes loose and I use some cigar glue to fix it. The char line is always a little askew but never that out of whack that I need to fix it. It’s a big cigar and inherent to large cigars.

And in 2 days, is my 63^rd birthday. I always get ripped off of the present scheme.

I approach the halfway mark and the creaminess jumps out at me. It carries with it all the other flavors and enhances them greatly.

The last third crowns the cigar with its rightful place in the Ortega line.

I love the Ortega D, but I love this stick just as much. This is the very first cigar of this magnitude that smokes like a corona with those intense flavors that only come from a small cigar. It’s a miracle. Can I get an Amen?

The flavors are just crazy good. I want an IV bottle with this cigar in it dripping into my veins all day long. I can walk around the house in my boxers and bathrobe, dragging the IV everywhere I go with a big smile on my puss.

The cocoa and creaminess go fucking wild. Really. The dried fruit isn’t what I had expected… Have you ever had dried blackberries? Have to buy them online, but that is the flavor I am getting…a very intense sweetness of dark berry. Almost syrupy.

The cigar ends up taking almost 2-1/2 hours to smoke. I chose not to rush it because of nicotine swirl, but rather, to enjoy every minute of its character and finesse.

This, my lovelies, is a first rate cigar.

I smoke the cigar to the nub and there is no harshness or bitterness. The strength moves up a notch but still stays at the high end of medium bodied.

Got to get more of these. And I can’t wait for the rest of the line to be released.

And now for something completely different:

I think it was around 1986 and I was working for a small construction company of maybe 20 people in the office and another 80 in the field. We fabricated and installed structural steel. I was senior project manager. And I had another PM working for me.

I can’t remember names. I am slipping into darkness. Give me an amen. The owner was one of those entrepreneurial guys that not only owned this company, but another dozen possessions including a strip club.

He was Errol Flynn dashing. I wanted to have sex with him…and I’m straight.

He was married to Tippi Hedren (“The Birds”) who considered hubby as an ATM machine. She had an animal preserve somewhere in Orange County that’s main mission was to save lions. Tippi’s license plate said, “ROAR.”

Now of course you know that Melanie Griffith is her daughter. And back in ’86, Melanie was a real looker. She hadn’t married Don Johnson yet, but was married to the actor Steven Bauer.

I remember them visiting the shop many times so they could pick up step dad and go to the “Club” for lunch.

I was one of two project managers and was upstairs by ourselves next to the company kitchen…

I remember his name: Luis Barrenechea. We called him Lou.

Anyway, Lou would come upstairs around 2 PM after his lunch with the wife and kids. And he would sit there with a bottle of vodka and get shit faced all afternoon bemoaning his status in life and all the ways that Tippi was draining him of dough. Since there were only two of us up there, he vented like a mother.

One day, we engineers got an assignment. Alfred Hitchcock had made moves on Tippi often and without success, or so we heard from Tippi.

At the end of the movie, Hitch gave Tippi one of the first portable radios. It was the size of a camping flashlight with that huge battery in it. And it had long ago stopped working.

So me and the other PM and the purchasing agent were given the task of figuring out how to replace the long dead battery and make this piece of junk work. We were told it was our number one priority while our projects went to shit.

We spent two solid days on the phone, all 3 of us and we got nowhere. When we saw Tippi in Lou’s office at the end of those 2 days, we talked to her about our fruitless efforts and all we got was a perfunctory, “Boys. You can do better than that. I am counting on you. This was a gift from my dear friend, Alfred Hitchcock, and I want the GODDAMM radio to work. You got me, boys?”

Whoa.

Now we knew why Lou drank himself stupid in the afternoons.

I remember when Melanie visited. She and Steven would be hanging waiting for mom and step pop to get going so they could get the hell outta’ there.

I got the balls one day and introduced myself. Both were very gracious, unlike their mom.

I, of course, bragged about my Curved Air days to them…and they were impressed. The Police was still together and I told my tales of hanging with them at gigs. Which was true.

After that, Steven would come up to engineering and talk to me about rock n roll. This guy really knew his stuff and we had a great time. Work stopped and my boss was thrilled to be a part of it. Melanie would always have to come up and drag him out of engineering but then got caught up in the stories too. We did a lot of laughing that disturbed the worker bees downstairs.

Tippi would then come up and see what the holdup was. She had no interest in rock n roll and since engineering let her down over that stupid radio, she wanted no part of us.

I only worked there for about a year and then moved on to work for my father’s newly opened construction company.

But there was a time when Melanie Griffith thought I was cute and would always give me a kiss and a hug when she left….and a time when Bauer thought I was cool too.

Now, I’m just plain not cool. Time marches on.

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS