Wrapper: Brazilian Maduro
Binder: Cameroon
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 7 x 50 “Churchill
Body: Medium/Full
Price: $5.40

It was a dark and stormy night …er..I mean morning.

It is after 9am here and as I look out the dining room window it looks like 10pm. Thunder is making the dog and cat go a little nutsy coo coo. The rain is probably going to get in through the basement window. And I have to take photos of a cigar that is almost black with a black band. I’m telling you timing is everything.

But I write every single day….every day. So what if my photos look like your 5 year old’s coloring book. I must march on or be booted out of the Cigar Reviewer’s Union of C.I.O.

I found this cigar in the deep dark depths of my humidor. Must have been here for a year or so. It looks and feels fine, so here goes….

I rarely review Gurkhas. There are too many house blends and a lot of drek. The rumor is that the “real” blends go to B & M’s and the lesser quality blends of the same name get sold online. Now I have no proof of this; just what I’ve gleaned from being around a while.

But there are some really good Gurkhas out there….and all need extensive humidor aging.

The Ninja got a 91 from Cigar Aficionado. And CA said this: “Dark and oily with a sweet bouquet coming from the unlit foot. The cigar burns a bit unevenly, though draws well, showing coffee bean notes, nutty flavors, and an underlying sweetness.”

I also discovered that Abe Flores of PDR cigars had a hand in blending this cigar. There are five sizes. And the price range is $5.40-$6.00 each. A very fair price point.

The construction is extremely rustic. Bumpy body with loads of veins, big and small. It is a single cap and very sloppily attached. The cigar band is black with faint gold lettering; again, this will be a nightmare to photograph. The stick is very solid with a nice give to it. It is extremely oily which I will never pick up in this light. And has a smooth texture.

I clip the cap to check for aromas…My oh my…a wagon load of cocoa. The darkest chocolate I’ve ever smelled. There is some eye blinking spiciness that actually makes me sneeze. I reiterate; if you want the get the true aroma of a cigar, snip the cap. It is all fresh and new. There is natural tobacco sweetness plus some black cherry. And a touch of coffee. I sniff the cap deeply and it is pure jalapeno in there.

I light up.

The first puffs are a bit non-descript. The draw is good and the char line is good. But all I can taste is hay and earth…with a little sweetness. I guess this stick is a slow starter.

Half an inch in, there is some mild cocoa and more earthiness. But none of that wonderful spice I smelled.

An inch in the cigar is sort of blah…some spiciness is beginning to creep in but that’s it. The body is shy of medium. I should expect this from a Churchill; which is why I don’t buy them. They take forever to get kick started with presenting flavor.

The sweetness begins to show itself with some aplomb. (Sorry. Bad pun.)

As the cigar continues to burn, it is slowly beginning to become a cigar. Before this, it was like smoking a cedar stick.

Halfway into the first third, the flavors are weak. There is cocoa, coffee, sweetness, fruitiness, and some mild spice. So far, nothing to write home about.
Could aging for a year have zapped the entire flavor out of the cigar? I still have a lot of cigar to go, so we shall see.

After 30 minutes, I begin the second third. There is a definite uptick in flavor and body. But so far, I am disappointed after reading a couple of other reviews…who praised this cigar endlessly.

The sweetness all of a sudden makes a giant leap and then some creaminess comes to the fold. The sweetness has a long finish.

And then the wrapper at the cap begins to unravel. So I grab my Kingpin cigar glue and fix it. Fortunately, this works faster than the old El Ligador I used for years. The El Ligador is a watery glue. While Kingpin has some viscosity and acts more like super glue by acting quickly. For some reason, the glue comes in 3 flavors. I have the white chocolate. I can smell it and it is quite nice. But by the time it dries, the aroma is gone and there is no residue of taste from it. It’s good stuff. I glued it only 2 minutes ago and I can now continue.

Finally. The cigar comes to life. The flavors are emboldened. The aforementioned flavors are booming. This is what it should have tasted like in the first third. It’s pretty good now. What a difference.

Since my preference is for robusto-like sizes, I am not used to the Churchill anymore. I’m pretty sure that after a year aging in my humidor, I am receiving the blender’s intent.

It’s very creamy and sweet with that dark chocolate and coffee coming to life. The sweetness is not only tobacco sweetness, but a caramel as well.
I’ve got a long way to go so I shall write my true rock and roll story for the end of the review. This is a doozy.

I hit the halfway point and the spice is ramping up nicely and tingling my palate. In fact, all the flavors have become important to the flavor profile. The cigar is beginning to find its complexity. It begins to have a deep earthiness and richness.

You ever what the guidelines are for presenting a nicely aged cigar to Cigar Aficionado for review? I’ve never read anywhere what that might be. A month? Three months? A year? Or right out of the cello?

I am truly enjoying this cigar now. It took too long to get here but go figure.

I should mention that during this time, the char line has been very close to perfect. And the draw is spot on. The sloppy cap is beginning to show itself. The chomping end is kind of disgusting and I try to keep it out of the photos.

Sure as shit…the rain stops and the sun comes out. This was the only stick I had.

I hit the last third and the cigar is doing fine, thank you. This is not a flavor bomb type cigar. It is subtle and nuanced. I like it. I just expected something bolder. But then that’s why I don’t review many Gurkhas. Hansotia, like Patel, are an industry to themselves with producing so many house blends that it has gotten way out of control. Instead of striving for excellence, they strive for quantity. And the dough. Years ago, these cigar makers put out some really good stuff…but those days are gone. With the exception of a few blends in their lines that are top notch. But that is maybe 5% of what they produce. And of course, they both have a huge PR machine that tells you every new cigar they come out with is the best thing since sliced bread. I don’t have much respect for them. And if they read this, they are saying to themselves, “LOL…we are laughing all the way to the bank.”

Luckily, there is a new breed of cigar blenders that believe quality comes first. And with no desire to blanket the market.

The only big time blender that has kept his uniqueness and sense of quality is Pepin Garcia. This man is a treasure. He pumps out a lot of cigars but the 5% is at the other end of the spectrum. Only once in a while does Garcia come up with a clam.

The body is beginning to move towards full. The nicotine is kicking in. And the stick has found its complex nature.
The cigar band is a bit of a bitch removing it.

The cigar finishes out with all the flavors intact. It has a complex nature with a long finish. And is a very pleasing cigar. Would I buy it again? Probably not. This cigar is available on Cbid for half the price shown above. So it’s a good stick to give to your mooching friends. And for when you are cleaning out the leaves from the gutters on your roof.
I think a smaller sized stick would have been more enjoyable.

And now for something completely different:

The Griffgator Chronicles 1975

We were in Amsterdam and our beloved manager had sent his manager of talent from the Dutch office of BTM Records to hang with us for one night while we played the government run hashish club; The Paradiso.

THE OUTSIDE OF THE PARADISO

THE INSIDE OF THE PARADISO

After the gig, he took the band and our roadies that were hired to be with the band at all times. The other 15 roadies were hire-ons. These four.. damn near lived and slept with us while on tour and back in London.

The Griff was, of course, one of the good ones. And in charge of the entire roadie crew.

The Dutch manager’s name was Dirk. Dirk was in his 30’s. Much older than the band..or so they claimed. I was 24 at the time. The violinist, the chick singer, and the keys player all claimed to be nearing 30 when I joined the band. Now, they all claim to be younger than me. Egos and vanity…sheesh.
We had a fabulous dinner at an Indian restaurant at around 1am. After a rousing couple hours of fun and drink and smoking dope, Dirk asked the table, “Who would like to go get laid?” Me, and Griff raised our hands. We looked around at the rest of the table and none of the guys wanted to do so. We, of course, made fun of them.

Dirk loaded the three of us into his tiny car. It was really small and uncomfortable. The Red Light District was only 5 miles away. And it’s legal in Amsterdam. The girls are regularly checked for disease and blood is taken. Of course, that doesn’t help you if the guy two squirts in front of you had the clap..or crabs.

Dirk took us to someone he must have known. The girls sit in small bay windows with a red light behind them. There are streets and streets of these bay windows. No one lives in these buildings.

Dirk got out and said he’d be right back. 5 minutes later he returned and said he got us a deal: $20 each. He said BTM Records would pay for it.
He went in first. About 15 minutes later, he came out a-struttin’. Griff and I had never done this before and while Dirk was inside getting his log jammed, we discussed how nervous we were.

Dirk said it was great, this girl was great; the experience was great, blah, blah, blah.

Griff said he would go next. He spent 15 minutes inside and my stomach was doing the whirly-gig.

Griff came out strutting like Dirk.

It was now my time. I couldn’t back out. I entered the girl’s room. She was very pretty. She had a Eurasian look to her. But this was not the time to discuss ancestry.

She handed me a condom and said put it on. I made small talk. I told her I was a big rock star. She told me she hated rock. She liked R & B. She had never heard of my band.

This was beginning to get very clinical.

I got on top of her in this tiny bed. No foreplay…that costs extra.

Immediately, I was having no fun. She quickly started in with, “Can’t you cum…c’mon..cum.” Over and over and over. I started singing Simon and Garfunkel’s “Keep the Customer Satisfied.” This was ridiculous.

I asked her to take her halter top off and she said that would be another 5 Guilders. I said I had no cash on me. “Come on!! Cum already!” It had been 3 minutes. Damn. This chick could have worked for the Gestapo.

This was no more sexual to me than changing the oil on my car. In disgust, she said I could put my hand inside her halter if it would make me cum faster. I finally was able to squeeze one out.

I jumped up and got dressed. While doing so, she asked, in broken English, “You did not drink tonight?” I was puzzled. “What do you mean?” She asked the same question again. I said no. I didn’t drink. Why?

She then said, “Those two other guys…” and she took her index finger, put it in an erect and straight position, and then let it droop down.

I laughed so hard, I almost cried. My friends were too drunk to get it up but pretended on the way out they had the time of their lives.
So here I was thinking I was getting sloppy thirds, when in fact; I was the only one to take care of business.

As I walked outside and back to the car, I had a huge smile on my face. Dirk and Griff saw this and immediately stared at their shoe laces. I laughed hard and said, “Let’s go, studs.”

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS