Today we take a look at the new Punch Sucker Punch. Kind of a silly name. But it is one scary cigar. When the word “Full” is used to describe it, they aren’t kidding. My first one was a week after receipt and all those 1960’s hallucinations came back in the second half of the cigar.
Now it’s been a month and I am hoping it is not as blindness inducing.
The stick comes in four sizes: Critical Condition 7 x 52, King Hit 6 x 54, Lights Out 5 x 52, and Smash Face 6 x 60.
Prices range from $4.27 to $5.16 depending on size in boxes of 18.
This is another house brand made by Punch Cigars. I looked around and could not find another review of this stick. That is never a good sign.
It looks like I may be providing a public service announcement as opposed to a review by the time I am done.
The cigar has a beautiful Connecticut wrapper. Invisible seams, small amount of veins. A perfect cap. The wrapper is an oily butterscotch. Feels a bit toothy.
It is imperative that you allow the Punch Sucker Punch a month to rest.
When I first got them, the sticks were spongy from over humidification. At this very moment, they are rock hard.
I must warn you that this is a strong cigar. If that’s not your thing, stop reading and go back to licking the pustules on your fingertips.
I clip the cap and find aromas of sweet caramel, cocoa, mocha java, barnyard, spice, cedar, and graham cracker.
Time to light up.
The draw is spot on and I am engulfed in smoke. At first, I thought I had gone blind from years of masturbation but it was only the smoke.
Several of the aromas have translated nicely to flavors: Cocoa, graham cracker, creaminess, coffee, sweetness, something fruity (Unlike myself), and a rich earthiness.
I’ve burned barely half an inch and the cigar is rarin’ to hit flavor bomb status.
The char line is a bit wavy but no worries yet.
The strength is medium/full from the start.
I am amazed at the transition the cigar made in only a few weeks after the first one. It is incredibly flavorful. If it is on an upward trajectory from here, I will be a happy hermaphrodite. (Shhh..don’t tell anyone. I have readers in the Mid East like Qatar and Saudi Arabia and I don’t think they would approve.)
I am thoroughly enjoying the Punch Sucker Punch. The flavor bomb status keeps on extending its parameters.
My lawyer, Schmuel T. Horowitz, sent me a couple of the 7 x 52 Punch Sucker Punch. They were too strong for him; as it probably is for most smokers except for us manly men. But there was no way I would review a behemoth log before breakfast and take a magic carpet ride on nicotine for 2-1/2 hours. Although, the strength is smooth at medium/full and I am sure the nicotine is waiting for me in the last third.
The char line has been dead nuts since that early waviness scandal at the start.
I can taste peanut butter now. Delightful. There is, in fact, a heavy influence by an array of nuts: almonds, peanuts, hazelnuts, and cashews. All sweet nuts. Like me.
The second third begins.
I bet word of mouth about how strong it is or that is another house brand has kept smokers away.
The Punch Sucker Punch is extremely smooth. And for $4.27 each by the box is a helluva price point for a cigar this good.
Here are the latest flower arrangements: Creaminess, peanut butter, spice, cocoa, coffee, graham cracker, marshmallow, (Yes, a S’more), and cedar.
The billboard sized cigar band comes off with ease.
I watched a taped Graham Norton Show from BBC America. A very funny show. Norton had U2 on plugging their newest album that they gave away free on iTunes but are now selling on vinyl.
I have a story that I don’t think I’ve told and it is about U2 and John Belushi. And I was there.
The peanut butter is raging now. And the strength has sashayed on to full body. Uh-oh.
I can feel the nicotine and I’ve only smoked 2”+. I have 3” to go and it is a toss-up whether I make it or not. This just may be the strongest cigar on the market.
And what makes it so Bozo crazy is that it has a Connecticut wrapper. But the Nicaraguan Ligero filler must have been grown near a nuclear plant. Three eyed fish and all that stuff.
The Connecticut wrapper really highlights the Katman drool. Yuck.
The flavor bomb status makes a quantum leap to the next level.
And the nicotine is like a ticking time bomb waiting to take me down with it.
I stare at the Punch Sucker Punch and see plenty of cigar still there and so little tolerance of nicotine left.
If it were not for the astounding flavor profile, I probably would not gut it out.
I am downing Atkins shakes like they are the vaccine for Ebola.
The creaminess, graham cracker and peanut butter are twice as powerful as the next flavor in line.
There is no fruitiness as I thought earlier.
I have a crack emanating from the cap. My bad. Comes from clipping it to avoid showing off my drool from chomping.
It is a beautiful sunny Wisconsin day which is fortified by my photos.
The char line has not wavered this entire time.
I can unequivocally say I love this cigar. Real shame that smokers aren’t jumping on the band wagon. If I were you, I’d start with the robusto and not the 7 x 52…like my schlemiel lawyer did.
There is no way one could survive that size. Your epitaph would read: “Here lies the (Fill in your name). Sucker Punched to Death.”
I clip the cap for the next photo and I hear a crackle. But I just can’t allow the photo to be seen by children and small dogs. It’s ugly.
The last third begins and I’m swirling.
I take some giant swigs of Atkins and try to get my eyes to focus.
If you are a regular reader, you know that I’ve reviewed all of the self-purported strongest cigars on the market. They are like smoking Macanudos compared to the Punch Sucker Punch.
I can now recommend this cigar to only the manliest of smokers. And I am smoking it on an empty stomach. No worries. I have a vomit bucket on the floor next to me just in case.
I try to clip the cap very gently but I see the wrapper begin to crack so you will just have your own vomit bucket while finishing this review. Too bad I can’t place a black strip across the cap like they did in ancient porno movies. Not that I would know that from personal experience.
The wrapper couldn’t take my last attempt at clipping the cap and cracks form. Ones that I cannot hide.
I have 1-1/2” to go and I’m not sure I can go much past this point. I’m beginning to feel like I dropped acid.
If you are a stout hearted man, then give the Punch Sucker Punch a shot.
And now for something completely different:
It was an invite concert only full of celebrities. I had never heard of the band.
Now the Whisky is a very small club. Everyone sits at tables. Couldn’t hold more than 150 people.
We sat at a small table maybe 10 feet from the band. After a few songs, I leaned over to Marshall and told him they would never make it. Every song sounded the same..which I still believe. An enigma.
Meanwhile, the crowd loved them. I got out of my seat and walked up to the edge of the stage, pushing photographers out of the way. I stood and stared and stared. The bassist seemed to have the legitimacy of a second year student. And if you watch him play today, not much has changed.
U2 did two sets.
Marshall got us back stage between sets.
Standing in the middle of the small dressing room was John Belushi. He was dressed up in a nice three piece suit. We introduced ourselves and he introduced the man next to him: Dad.
We kibitzed for a bit and then I whispered in Belushi’s ear, out of earshot of his dad, that I had some coke.
He and I went into the dressing room bathroom and did some toots.
We came out and he was much more the John Belushi the world knew him as.
The moral to this story is that I have no musical vision. I don’t know shit. And I got to share the white death with John Belushi.
Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS