Rocky Patel Hercules Cretan Bull | Cigar Review

Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano
Binder: Nicaraguan Cuban Seed Double Binder: Jalapa & Esteli
Filler: Nicaraguan Corojo (Triple Fermented)
Size: 5.75 X 56 “Cretan Bull”
Body: Medium/Full
Price: $8.00

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Today we take a look at the Rocky Patel Hercules Cretan Bull.
Thanks to John Moyer for the cigar. And as long as I feel up to it, I will make my own reviewing schedule. And no more personal stuff about my life except for the exciting rock n roll stories at the end of the review.
I’m anxious to try it. Only found 3 reviews. Don’t know if that’s good or bad. But they reported an only so-so cigar experience.
From this point forward, I will no longer be recommending online stores for purchase of a reviewed cigar. This has come to backfire on me. I’m doing the heavy lifting. You do the lightweight stuff of looking it up on Google. Just like every other reviewer requires of you.
“It’s not personal, Sonny. It’s business.”

DESCRIPTION:
I believe the cigar came out in 2012.
The oily wrapper looks like a baked potato in color; with lots of veins. Seams are tight. It appears to have a quadruple cap but it so expertly applied, it is hard to tell for sure.
The stick is very solid with some give to it.
The double cigar bands are interesting and the color scheme is unlike any other RP blend.

SIZES AND PRICING:
Mongul: 5 x 54 $7.00
Cretan Bull: 5.75 x 56 $8.00
Barbarian: 6 x 60 $9.00
Gnarly Club: 7 x 58 $9.00

AROMAS AND COLD DRAW NOTES:
From the shaft, I smell a fruity sweetness, spice, caramel, coffee, cedar, and new leather.
From the clipped cap and the foot, I smell spice, barnyard, coffee, fruit, brand new leather, caramel, nuts, cedar, and sweetness.
The cold draw presents flavors of bright red cherries, barnyard, more new leather, chocolate, spice, sweetness, and cedar.

FIRST THIRD:
It takes several minutes to properly toast the foot but when I finish, I am rewarded with big flavors of black pepper, excruciatingly good sweetness, milk chocolate, creaminess, cedar, a super-rich dose of earthiness, and a whole array of malts.

Clearly, of the three reviews I read, mine is the one with the most humidor aged blend. It reeks of time and age…in a good way, of course.

The Rocky Patel Hercules is an excellent cigar. I’m sure it took quite a while for it to get to this point of its blender’s intent.
Surprisingly, at this early stage, it has become very complex.
The strength is medium body.

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The char line is a tad bit wavy but no need to rectum-ify anything.

The cherries are making the blend. And a very woody element of oak and hickory add this component that makes it great! But then so does the creaminess. And the milk chocolate.
The complexity hit so early that I am filled with indecision about the flavors.

I’m very curious as to the humidor time really needed to get to this point in the complexity. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if it only took a couple of months. Most Patel cigars take a while.
I get a hearty pluck of cinnamon that doles out total “synchronicity” with the black pepper. No. There will be no story about me and The Police today.

This is the first mamma jamma, in a long time that actually has the flavor of new leather. I find that that term is usually a fall back for someone unable to describe the myriad of flavors a blend might have. I believe that Cigar Aficionado uses that term too much. The more sophisticated your palate becomes, the less leather you taste.

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This is a big cigar. The 5 x 54 Mongul would have been more to my taste in terms of sizes. This will be a 2 hour cigar. But then, if the cigar keeps my interest for that time span, it doesn’t matter. If it loses my interest, I will feel like a Hebrew pulling giant stones to build the Great Pyramid. The money is bad but the hours are long.

SECOND THIRD:
Smoke time is nearly 40 minutes.

The char line is a champ. Just like me in women’s boxing in high school. I was too skinny for the men’s team.

Strength remains at medium body. Everything I read about this cigar says it starts off at medium/full and hits full body very quickly. Being medium body strength at this point in the cigar tells me it has a year or two; or more of humidor time. And some of the strength has mellowed or been sapped out of it.
As long as it’s flavorful, I don’t care.

A new component comes along that is actually a bastardization of other flavors. A curious element of dried cherries, dried cranberries, and golden raisins. Very nice.

I’ve yet to see the ash fall. At some point soon, I will need to take my camera in for servicing. I believe it has had its limit on cigar ash falling on to it and into it. It is doing weird stuff that I can’t explain. It has become a real pain in the ass.
I shit you not when I say that just as I capped that previous sentence with a period, the entire ash fell on to the top of my camera. Out comes the Swifter mop.

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As I move on to the halfway point, the strength increases to medium/full.
Smoke time is one hour.

Some new flavors appear. Here is the current list of flavors for the Rocky Patel Hercules: Chocolate, dried fruit, creaminess, malts, leather, various woods, cinnamon, black pepper, caramel, salted pumpkin seeds (Pepitas), cedar, very nutty and toasty, warm bread, and vanilla. Very, very nice.

Man, I had some weird friggin’ dreams last night. I have to remember not to shoot heroin before bed time. So that I don’t have tracks, I use the optic nerve method. Stand in front of a mirror. Hold the syringe at a 90° angle to your cornea, and insert the needle directly into your pupil. No tracks.

One time, Charlotte came rushing into the bathroom while I was doing this to get her depilatory cream, and she knocked my elbow. I slammed the needle right between my eyebrows. It squirted everywhere and the damn cat licked it up. Now our poor little Sammy wanders the ghetto at night trying to score.

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Back to the Rocky Patel Hercules. Cretan Bull. What kind of name is that? According to greekmythology.com, it is described as: “The Cretan Bull was a bull that appeared in the myth of the Labours of Heracles, as well as the myth of the Minotaur, in Greek mythology. It was the creature that Pasiphae fell in love with, and became impregnated by, eventually giving birth to the Minotaur.”

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Do cigar companies have idiots in locked rooms, with padding on the walls, just to come up with these stupid names for blends and sizes?

I’m amazed at the great construction of this cigar. It hasn’t required a single char line touch up since the start. No wrapper issues. No seams coming apart. John Moyer takes very good care of his cigars. I’m impressed. Any cigar that I can manage to hold on to for a couple years ends up looking like a tampon.

I remember, early in our marriage, how I would get a shopping list for the market and there were the dreaded tampons or pads on that list. Nothing more horrifying than to stand in the middle of that huge aisle looking for something so foreign to you that you expect the manager to announce on the intercom system: “There is a befuddled and confused man in the Tampon aisle. Will an associate please assist him?”
And then he repeats it.

Allspice begins to show itself.

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LAST THIRD:
Smoke time is one hour 25 minutes.

And then Bam! The cigar lets loose with enormous flavors. Big open Wyoming sky flavors.
The Rocky Patel Hercules Cretan Bull takes off like a rocket.

Strength hits full body. The spiciness is like the start of most Pepin Garcia blends.

This is one smooth mommy. The woodiness envelops all of the other flavors. Touching each of them with its magic gay wand.
I have one of those wands at home that I use to answer the door when the mailman comes to the door.

When you find out who sells these cigars, you will notice they have a sale and the cigars are going for half the MSRP. That is a great price for this blend. But the downside, for me, is the sizes. Ring gauges are tooooooo big. As I said earlier, the only one that interests me is the 5 x 54. That’s manageable.

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The last third is so good, that I am going to base my rating on it. Never mind that construction and char line have been impeccable. The flavors were excellent during the first two thirds. But this last third takes the cake.
Wow.

The complexity is carnival big time. The chocolate, creaminess, and malts are made in heaven. The dried fruit and sweetness are perfect.
Why haven’t I heard about this cigar? It’s been out for nearly 4 years.
Thank you John Moyer.

The caramel is fervently delicious. The nutty, toasty, warm bread, and vanilla flavors are killer.

The three reviews reported none of this. I don’t blame them for not waiting to review this cigar and as a consequence missed out on all the yummy flavors. Who wants to wait 2 years to review a new cigar?

I’m impressed. This is the first cigar, in ages, that gave me zero trouble. It is the first cigar to have a perfect char line in a year.

The downside? This is an investment cigar. The Rocky Patel Hercules Cretan Bull is something to be bought and then forgotten about for quite a while. As most RP cigars require.

Yeah, this cigar took forever to finish. But I enjoyed every minute of the experience.

The Rocky Patel Hercules Cretan Bull finishes smooth and hearty. Firm to the touch. No heat or harshness. And Gloriosky Bullwinkle! No nicotine. Huzzah!

I’ve got an inch or so to go and I don’t want it to end, but alas, it does.
Snag some.

Final smoke time is 2 hours 5 minutes.

RATING: 91

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And now for something completely different:
1983

We traveled to NYC to do the “Today Show.” Along with my client, scheduled to be on the same segment was Billy Mumy (of “Lost In Space” fame) scheduled to sit and talk to Bryant Gumbel. We were promoting the release of the single, “Whatever Happened to Eddie.” We took the theme from the Munsters and put our own lyrics to it.

Getting a license to use the Munster’s theme was a real bitch. They call the big building in Hollywood that houses Universal the BLACK TOWER. And for good reasons. That place has been known to eat artists alive.

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At first, we thought Jane Pauley would do the interview but they seemed to be in the middle of a cluster fuck and both Pauley and Gumbel kept getting up and down until Gumbel slammed his fist on the table and said, “Goddam good thing we don’t make dynamite here!”

The director, up in the booth above our heads, couldn’t make up his mind who would interview the duo and this was happening during a commercial break. Live!

I met both Gumbel and Pauley. Gumbel was an arrogant prick but Pauley was gracious and generous. I stood and talked to her for 5 minutes about nothing. Very down to earth lady. I was somewhat startled at how petite she is. I don’t care what her publicity says, this woman is no taller than 5’-2.

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I stood in the tiny studio next to a camera man and watched the interview. Within a couple minutes, I started wishing that I was managing Mumy, not Butch.

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I was amazed at how small the studio was. Two small sets. One was the anchor desk and the other had some sort of cheesy backdrop with two comfy chairs.

After the interview, we all headed out together and hit a bar at 9am. Everyone had breakfast except Butch. He drank his. Butch was the first person I ever knew that did not like to eat food. He just didn’t like it. I had to force him when I was on the road with him. And it wasn’t the coke. He just didn’t like to put food in his mouth.

It was fun talking to Mumy especially about his days on his TV show, “Lost in Space.” The evil doctor stranded with them was really, really gay and used to put the moves on Mumy. No one did anything about it.
I grew up watching “Lost in Space” so it was a big deal meeting him.

I slipped Mumy my business card and asked that he call me. Naturally, he didn’t.

We met some cute girls at the bar and they invited us to a party on Long Island that night. Butch agreed without asking me. We had a big radio interview the next morning and I told Butch we were to be picked up in a car, at 8am at our Manhattan hotel, and I didn’t think a trip to Long Island would be in our best interest.
So of course, we went to the party.

Butch closed the bar at 4am. I had gone back to our hotel long ago and I was awakened by him, and about 8 drunken people whom he dragged back to the hotel. They continued to drink until they passed out on the floor.
At 6am, I got up and saw Butch lying on the floor next to his bed, snoring.
I shook him and he was as drunk as a skunk. I couldn’t get him to wake up so I threw water in his face which elicited a lot of cursing.

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He then begged me to call the radio station and ask them to postpone the interview until tomorrow.

I was livid. This was the NBC affiliate that was syndicated all across America. I think it was the Don Imus show.
He was in no shape to be interviewed so I called the radio station and told them Butch was sick. They were enraged. But they gave in, reluctantly, and allowed us to postpone the interview until the next day, and while I was thanking them, they hung up on me mid-sentence.

The moment I hung up, Butch said to me in a slurred voice, “OK. I’m good. Let’s go do the interview.”

I leaped on him while he was still on his back on the floor. I put my hands around his neck and choked him like a chicken. His face turned beet red. He was flailing his arms but he was weak from being so drunk.
He couldn’t talk but I could see in his eyes that he was pleading for me to stop…so I did.

I got up, grabbed my bags, took out a $20 bill, threw it on his chest, along with his plane ticket home…and told him he better be at that interview tomorrow. And then I left and grabbed a plane home.

Two days later, I got a call from my publicist who went on a tear and ripped me a new asshole for leaving Butch alone.
All I said was, “Fuck you, you motherfucker!!” And hung up.
Butch did the interview the next morning…drunk.

More on Butch (Eddie Munster) Patrick….
Our press agent had finagled us into an anniversary party for Alan Hale, Jr’s restaurant row on La Cienega Blvd. The Skipper (Gilligan’s Island) had a very successful restaurant called: The Lobster Barrel. (The restaurant was sold after Hale’s death and the name changed to The Shark Bar)

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Did you know that The Skipper’s name was really Jonas Gumby? Yep.

Butch and I arrived at the packed Lobster Barrel and it was crawling with strange celebs.
Star of screen in the 1930’s and 1940’s, Rudy Vallee was there.
Max Baer from The Beverly Hillbillies was there. He was doing his best Elvis impression. No kidding. He had an expensive suit with a cape, shirt unbuttoned to his navel, loads of yellow gold necklaces, lots of gold bracelets, and his hair was dyed jet black with Elvis side burns. He also had three good looking chicks hanging all over him.

We hung out and ate and drank on the Skipper. We also met some up and coming bands, who I can’t remember. Lots of photos were taken by newspaper and magazine reporters. Butch was in all of them.

Now here is where it went south on me….

We meandered towards the exit of the restaurant saying our good byes to everyone.
Hale stood at the exit saying good bye to everyone and thanking them for coming. Now I thought this was his birthday party and as I shook his hand, I said, “Happy Birthday, Mr. Hale.”

Hale didn’t flinch or blink when I said that. He thanked me profusely for coming, gave me a gentle slap on the back, and we were back on La Cienega. Then Butch turned to me and said, “You schmuck. It isn’t his birthday; it’s the anniversary of the restaurant.
Du-oh!

What a nice man Mr. Hale was not to correct me and embarrass me. I met a lot of celebrities while doing the Eddie Munster project back in the early 1980’s. And no one was as down to earth as The Skipper.
Next….the green room at the Mike Douglas Show.

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