Happy 70th to My Darling Charlotte

Today the woman who stuck with me through thick and thin turned 70. A wonderful day was had by all. Since I only get laid every other birthday and every third anniversary, I’m hoping to get lucky tonight.

We ate a dinner, that I made, of lobster and steak. I weighed myself afterwards and gained all that weight back and am just short of a metric ton.

Tomorrow, we go to the kids’ home for their annual Halloween block party. Four square blocks of cops and first responders…so we are safe. Sort of a mini “Cop Land.” My daughter sets up a big picnic table and makes dozens of Jello shots for the parents of the trick or treaters. Her house sees a lot of second and third rounds by the kids.

But we found out today that my son in law’s mother just tested positive for Covid. She won’t be there but her husband will. What? Wisconsin has become a hot spot for the pandemic in the last month. Charlotte and I are considering not going. It’s not worth the risk. His probability of being a transmitter is high.

I am smoking my first cigar in a week. My cold is gone and I intend to get back to reviewing this Monday.

Charlotte just walked into my little man cave with lobster butter all over her face. She is undoing my robe…my Bar Mitzvah wish is coming true…more later…



Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

29 replies

  1. Happy Birthday Charlotte! You should’ve listened to your mother when she warned you about him.

  2. Happy birthday to the misses, brother. She holds her age well. I would not have guessed.

    It may be best if you and yours stayed home tomorrow. Besides, sounds like its going to be a lucky year for you.

    Enjoy the, um… Have fun and enjoy!

    Jeff – aka Crosby.

  3. Happy Birthday to this saint of a woman! 🙂

    • Saints don’t make this old man do impossible exotic sex positions that bruise my pancreas.
      I finally figured out how to secretly throw out every red mouth ball she bought. I’d just shrug my shoulders…”Dunno.”
      But then she does put up with my violent nightmares due to the 6 years I spent on D Block in Quentin. Gotta give her props for that.

  4. Congratulations to you both! Many new adventures I hope await you .

    • New adventures, Andy?
      For me, Flomax is a magical carpet ride.
      For Charlotte, it’s actually enjoying something I like on Netflix.
      We had planned a trip to Nashville in April. That decision was made almost two months ago.
      Now. We ain’t going. A lot of money could be spent to be stuck in a rental property with no escape while the state is shut down.
      The scientists have given up on predicting.
      Luckily, we like each other and are buddies. She’s like having a best guy friend…and has nice tits. And a talking vagina.
      I will consider your offer.
      P

  5. Congratulations to Charlotte…. I bet your life is not boring!!

    • Arelss…ever live with a She-Nazi?
      It took until 10 years ago to finally get her to agree that I don’t have to wear jack boots during sex. Or a Kaiser’s helmet.
      After we married, an old aunt living in Florida sent a message to the rest of her family that God has forgiven them because he sent a Jew to marry one of them. All is forgiven.
      I had a German/History teacher in 10th grade who, during studies of WWII, plastered the classes walls with Nazi shit. We were all freaked out. Gave me a D on a paper I wrote on the Holocaust.
      3 years later, he was driving from Long Beach up to Big Bear Lake and accidentally drove off the mountain…down a 1000 foot
      raviine.
      I thought that was cool.
      I will tell Charlotte what a nice thing you wrote. She will probably send you a dick pic.
      Phil

  6. Congrats and be safe.

  7. Mazel tov. Been reading your reviews for a couple of years. Love all of them a lot. You’re writing style is loved by me. Looking forward to your future reviews. Cheers!

    • Thank you so much.
      AS you’ve been reading my reviews for years, it’s time to disclose I’ve inserted subliminal messages into my reviews to hypnotize you into doing my bidding. I may call on you at sometime to do something important. Remember…the keyword is Swordfish.
      Mr. Glathan, I truly appreciate your support and fielty.
      Be safe and be well,
      Phil

  8. Happy Birthday Charlotte! I pray you are feeling well. Your Hubby should be very fortunate to have you and to celebrate your 70th Birthday. There’s a bueatiful qoute that goes ” I hope you die young at a very old age”. Young at heart will keep your soul singing. I”ll be turning 70 Dec 1st. My wife of 40 yrs will be 68 in May. Oh, by the way, she likes your sweater.
    In this trying period of Covid and the up coming election be thankful for the little things on a daily basis. Enjoy your grand kids. My grandson Colt(19 mos) brightens Marty’s day everytime. I wish you and Phil (Katman) well with many blessings.
    God Bless,
    Phil Matzelle

  9. Happy Birthday to Charlotte and many more to the both of you. Your hypnotic skills have served you well.

  10. As my spirit animal Larry David says: “You think it’s hard being with me? Imagine BEING me! 24/7!!

    God bless Charlotte and my (much) better half. Both knew what they were getting into but went ahead and did it anyway. 🙂

    • Hey Pete,
      The woman has no anger or animosity towards me as she allows me to smoke my cigars in my little man cave in the house.
      The perfect woman.
      I truly feel bad for men banished to the outdoors or the garage.
      Phil

  11. Happy birthday too your lovely wife and happy Halloween too you Kat man. Would have loved to enjoyed mine but my wife also tested positive for covid and had to have the kids stay home. They were devastated but risking spreading this stupid disease isn’t worth free candy that I always hope is spiked for my benefit.

    • Hey Zach,
      Thank you for the nice birthday wishes.
      Well, we fucked up and went to the kids’ party for their friends and their kids last night for Halloween.
      10 minutes ago, we got a call from our daughter who reported she might have Covid. We are waiting for a phone call to see what is going on.
      Meanwhile, Katie’s father in law chose not to attend the party out of safety concerns. But there was at least 6 cops and their wives and kids there. No one wore a mask except for Charlotte and me…the whole while spewing shit about covid is a conspiracy and fake news.
      Katie’s mother in law went from asymptomatic to becoming very ill in just a few days. Don’t know what is happening there either.
      I stood and listened to the men and women at the party spew drunken bullshit about the media’s creation of the pandemic.
      If Katie is sick, they’ve all been exposed.
      Including Charlotte and me. We almost didn’t go but since it was outside, we felt with masks and distancing, we would be fairly safe.
      And since their neighborhood is Cop Land, there were a lot of families trick or treating. Not one person was seen wearing a mask. And they were in groups.
      I can’t wait to see the news in a few days when they begin describing the spike in covid due to Halloween.
      We are biting our nails.
      I dearly hope your wife will be fine. The stress must be terrible.
      Everyone…stay well…and be fucking careful,
      Phil

      • Wow that’s crazy and I hope for the best with your family.i definetly believe covid is real however I do believe the numbers the media are reporting are completely blown out of proportion. It really sucks that almost all the information available is either biased or completely false. I also think it’s terrible that we live in a time where information is so readily available but almost all of it is garbage with no proof what so ever. I hope we can get this virus eradicated and we can go back to “normal” life but we need people to get on the same page and work together first.

  12. All the best on your Birthday!

  13. Just saw comment that you might have been exposed. That sucks. It’s like living at the end of the Roman Empire and everyone’s stupid due to alcohol and lead poisoning….

    Take a TON of vitamin D for a few days, 5000 (not 500) mc 2x a day.

    Stay safe.

    • OK Doc…lol,
      I have been taking 50,000 (not 5000) units of Vitamin D once a week for 4 years.
      I can moo exactly like a cow sounds.
      P

      • ERM… Please don’t have license revoked…..

        Yes. More like 50,000. Five x 5000s am and pm.

        • Great news!
          Got our covid test results back today.
          No Covid for either of us.
          But I do have a killer cold that has laid waste to my now puny body.
          I hate flu season…and being old.
          On the upside, my palate is getting a nice rest.

          You can’t be serious…50,000 units per day? I take one capsule per week.
          Per Mayo Clinic: “Taking 60,000 international units (IU) a day of vitamin D for several months has been shown to cause toxicity.
          “The main consequence of vitamin D toxicity is a buildup of calcium in your blood (hypercalcemia), which can cause nausea and vomiting, weakness, and frequent urination. Vitamin D toxicity might progress to bone pain and kidney problems, such as the formation of calcium stones.”
          Your license is hereby revoked.
          P

          • I great news about your test. Must be a huge relief.

            Not months, 2-3 days. I did that for years when I felt an itchy throat just before getting sick. It worked a half dozen times–and then didn’t anymore.

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