“Your Honor” | Cigar Reviews by the Katman

I have never reviewed a TV show in my life. But I’m friggin’ bored.

I tried smoking a stick today and got 1″ in before feeling unwell as my flu just ain’t over yet…getting there…very close…but no cigar.

So I’m documenting some thoughts I have that are very strong and aggressive about this particular Showtime series. Watching 3rd episode now.

Bryan Cranston messed up big time taking this role. He is great in everything. He fucked up.

His teen son does a hit and run on another kid, his age, riding his bicycle…and Cranston’s kid stops and watches the kid die from a fractured skull. Doesn’t call for help. He worries about himself and heads home and cleans up.

The part makes the kid look like a stuttering buffoon…and sociopathic, remorseless killer and daddy the judge is trying to help cover it up. Naturally, the dead kid is the son of the big Mafia boss in town.

Cranston is fine but the story is stupid and unrealistic.

I ran over a 2 year old girl when I was 16. I had my license for two months. The kid darted out between two parked cars and I hit her with my mom’s white 1960 Pontiac Bonneville…the one with the big cow catcher front end.

The way a human being responds to hurting someone with their vehicle is to stop and help…I’m positive 99.9% of all erect hominids would stop.

I did. I was going 20mph and then BANG. I had my left foot stomped down hard on the brake…and my right foot so far back from the pedal that I pushed my knee in to my chest.

Everything dimmed around me. I got tunnel vision. My car was on top of a little girl and I’m the guy driving the car. Time froze for a period of seconds that seemed longer. I put the car in park, shut off the engine, and as I opened my door to get out…the thrash of screaming began to enter my field of hearing. People were everywere.

It was a weekend afternoon in SoCal.

I bent over to find the child but the car was being overrun by bystanders. The mother was screaming as she sprinted out of her house. A man grabbed the unconscious girl and picked her up while I yelled, “NO. Don’t move her.” I was ignored. The mother, a micro second later, bent over the limp body of her baby and lifted her off the grass near the curb. I screamed for her to stop but they were off to the hospital…not waiting for an ambulance.

The cops showed up and it felt like a sea of blue around me. I sat on the curb for two hours. Cops were measuring shit in the street…tapes and professional gear…No one said a word to me as I sat there scared shitless. I was 16…10th Grade.

Children of all ages gathered around me and took turns shouting crap at me. They kept asking if the police were going to take me to jail? I looked up to the cops’ faces when I heard that a few times and the cops were pokerfaced.

I had zero information about the life or death situation that occurred by my hand.

Kids would get in the middle of the street and chant “He’s going to jail!” Over and over. I was losing my fucking 16 year old mind.

Then two hours, almost to the minute, a couple boss cops came over to me and told me to stand up. They said the kid was in the hospital surgery wing. She’s in bad shape.

But they said that they determined my version was accurate and most importantly…I was blameless. Corroborating witnesses mimicked the same description of me in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was going 20mph. The kid darted. I smashed into her and took her down.

A day or two after the accident, I went to the hospital. Her parents had given the OK for me to see her…I had a stuffed animal. She was the fucking mummy. Every part of her body was bandaged and the only flesh I could see was from her eyebrows to her chin. She had legs up in slings. Maybe an arm or two…not sure.

My best friend came with me to the room. The nurse stood with us. I didn’t know what to do. She was unconscious. She was 2.

John and I turned to leave…the nurse asked both of us if we’d like to leave a name for the parents…to let them know we came by? John rat-a-tated, “Tell them Parnelli Jones was here.”

I was a mess for a week. And a year later, I was in the same neighborhood as the accident. I saw in front of me that same little girl, a year older, playing carelessly in the street with other friends.

I hunkered down and shook my head as I passed.

“Your Honor” is a fake movie. Cranston did someone a favor or it was a big payday for him. The kid, not much older than me, and the ensemble going on around him makes no sense. Really disappointed. Some stoned suits pulled the trigger on this. People everywhere making poor decisions.

Yeah, people react differenty. But this dumb ass series chose to do the reaction of a serial killer…without telling anyone else in the cast. It could have been a great part for a good young actor if it was sincere.

And Cranston will forever have to live down doing this show.

Probably likes his toasted bagel with herring on it.


6 replies

  1. Phil, that’s a helluva story. Thank God the little girl survived – for you maybe as much as her. What a stunning turn of events that you saw the same child a year later, recovered from her life threatening accident but putting herself again in harm’s way. Some parents shouldn’t have kids.

    Thanks for the honest review of the series. What a waste of Cranston’s talent. I saw him on Broadway playing LBJ and he was amazing.

    Hope you get over your illness soon my friend. 2020 has been – in the legendary words of Mr. Rogers – one fucking motherfucking clusterfuck.

  2. Thank you, Mr. Leviten…
    Not smoking cigars can lead to madness and a general sense of unbalance.
    This premise has bothered me from the first episode. I can’t remember seeing something with Cranston I didn’t like.
    I’m trying to get well. I keep telling my wife that the sooner I get well, the sooner I can earn some dough. And to do that, I need constant hot monkey sex. She only falls for that on her 6th glass of wine later in the evening.
    Watched the movie “Contagion” last night just to be necrotic. This is all going to end like some bad 1950’s B scifi flick.
    We got what we deserved.
    Carry on, P.

  3. Well, I was hoping to find a cigar review here this evening, but this was a pretty good story. I had to go to the end first to see if the little girl was okay, but I went back and read the whole thing once I found out it ended well. Anyway, wishing you a much quicker recovery. I haven’t been able to smell or taste anything since Tuesday, and received a positive COVID result last night. I got off easy. Mild symptoms, but I can’t even smell bacon cooking. It’s a real bummer. Cigars are big part of my life and I couldn’t tell a Swisher Sweet from a Opus right now. Glad you reviewed the show. I had it in my queue based on Cranston alone, but this sounds like a bad case of lazy writing. Okay, gotta get back to my quarantine. Can’t wait to read some new cigar reviews, so get better, Katman.

  4. Hey Darryl,
    Bummer to hear you are ill. I hear the new vaccine gives you the opportunity to choose what kind of flesh eating zombie you want to become. I will get vaccinated and then choose vegetarian Keto zombie.
    I hear ya about the cigars. I’m so much more depressed about not being able to smoke cigars for two months than I am about being sick as a dog.
    Got my first night of continuous sleep last night for the first time. Things are looking up.
    Get plenty of rest.

    And as far as that little girl…I thought the same thing the second time I saw her. What the hell kind of parents does this kid have? Sometimes Darwin misses a couple.
    Feel better,

  5. I went to the link you provided and it says that the American version just may be even better than the Israeli version. Based upon my review, that’s a low bar; except for the presence of Cranston.
    But I did not know that this show was a re-make. Thanks, Red.

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