Asylum Limited Series Friday The 13th 2021 | Cigar Reviews by the Katman

Wrapper: Honduran Corojo
Binder: Honduran
Filler: Honduran
Size: 6 x 46 Gran Corona
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $7.00



I’ve only had the cigars for 1-1/2 months. But as it is a limited series and only 700 boxes of each size were released, it’s now or never to get it reviewed before it disappears from the shelves.

Many thanks for the cigars from a reader that would rather be thrown into a Turkish prison than have his name inserted into one of my reviews

BACKGROUND:
From Halfwheel.com (7-11-2021):
“The number 13 is featured through much of the Asylum branding and cigar lines, so the thought was to come out with a special cigar called Friday The 13th 2021. The idea is every year on a Friday the 13th, a new blend will drop under the Friday The 13th moniker. This year, we’ll see the undisclosed blend in three different sizes and a limited run of only 700 packs of each size.

“This version is made to coincide with this Friday, which is Aug. 13. It’s a follow-up to a November 2020 version—when there was also a Friday following on the 13th—and the Asylum Martes 13, which was made to coincide with the Latin American version of the superstition.

“Unfortunately, there’s not much known about the cigars as Asylum doesn’t release any information about the blend.”

SIZES AND PRICING:
Gran Corona 6 x 46 $7.00
Figurado 5.25 x 46 $6.50
Robusto 5 x 50 $7.50

APPEARANCE:
I feel the stick up and tobacco is not evenly distributed. It is hard at the cigar band location and squishy from the foot up…about 2”.

I don’t know if they were rolled this way or it happened in the hands of the online store…the cigar isn’t quite round…it is nearly an oval. I’m pretty sure that wasn’t the manufacturer’s design.

Seams are visible but tight. Lots of veins. Very, very light in the hand. I’m guessing this review won’t take long. (Can I get an Amen?)

SMELL THE GLOVE:
Aromas are faint…floral, dark chocolate, malted milk balls, earth, cedar, raisins, barnyard, black pepper, and cinnamon graham crackers.
The cold draw presents flavors of chocolate, espresso, malt, raisins, creaminess, black pepper, and some floral notes.

FIRST THIRD:
I punched the cigar and ducked. (I thought I’d try the same awful joke again; but in a different format…still stinks).
The draw is like an open straw. Uh-oh. I put my PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool away for a different catalog stick or a Cuban.

Here goes nuttin’ honey…
I need to remember that this is a $7.00 stick…can be had for $6.50 or less…so I need to temper my criticisms.

Some nice, subtle flavors open the valley of the dolls…chocolate is the high point…followed by nice creaminess, peanut butter, malt, salted caramel, and cinnamon graham crackers. Not a bad start.

The draw is better than I thought it would. I figured I’d be whistlin’ dixie…but it is more than acceptable.

It could be a good knockaround cigar…except it is a limited edition instead of regular production.

There is a sourness that might be citrus or maybe bad tuna fish. Will need to get deeper into the stick to solve this.

The char line is terrible. Got a run and uneven burn. Underfilled.
Man, I hate putting torch to foot over and over. After a while, the cigar tastes only of charcoal.

This is a throwaway cigar. Give it to your mooch friends…it has a cool looking cigar band.

I’m getting a full dose of what I call the blender’s intent. The tobacco used is junk. Now I’ve found some great cigars in this price range over the years. So, this is not an excuse to make a limited edition. It’s like Cigar Federation. They put out new blends like they are giving away fentanyl on a bad corner. A couple I’ve bought were very good…the rest tasted like this Asylum Limited Series Friday The 13th 2021.

It will take a miracle for this blend to become something to crow about.

It’s OK. I’m not worried about the cigar manufacturer coming after me. I live in Milwaukee…no one comes here on purpose.

Zero notes of complexity. Transitions are salty caramel and chocolate. The finish ain’t so intriguing.

The char line refuses to obey when I don my Wizard of Oz hat on. Maybe I should wear my shiny red metal flaked Dorothy shoes. When it is uber cold in Wisconsin, I will stand on the balcony, wearing the shoes and a matching pair of Depends. I do a couple Monty Python walks and then come in. My nipples become hard as rocks.

Initially, the news that this stick was coming out only said the leaf stats were ‘undisclosed.’ No shit. I wouldn’t brag about them either.
There was absolutely no thought put into this blend. And then foist it on a loyal customer base and call it limited? Shameful.

SECOND THIRD:
It took 12 minutes to burn the first 2”. Mahvelous.

Maybe it will taste better now? Gloriosky Bullwinkle! It is shit on a shingle.
A sip of water is taken to try and wash the awful taste away. Nope. It enhances the meat packing allure.

If this cigar can’t show any signs of life after 1-1/2 months, baby, it ain’t going to show you its tits 4 months from now.

There is some cinnamon…or that could be Barium…not sure yet. The spice comes from somewhere but no idea where.

I don’t know why I said Barium. Ever had a barium enema in the hospital while they take x-rays? I did once when I was a kid and had an ulcer (What’s that? A Jewish kid with an ulcer because he’s neurotic? Can’t be). And once as a young adult. Fuck the waterboarding at Abu Ghraib. Barium enemas for everyone. It is impossible to hold that shit in your keester. They use a concrete truck to pour it into your asshole.

I’m killing time now. There is no way in hell that this cigar will ever taste acceptable. It is a dog shitting on another dog’s turd. And then a human steps into it…and doesn’t know it til he tracks it into the house where the wife starts screaming making the human sleep in the basement. Whew.

I had one of my favorite rock stories to tell today. No fucking way am I going to waste it on this skunk. Next cigar that tastes good.

Thank God it is burning faster than Superman can fuck Lois. Actually, he only dry humps Lois because it is impossible to get out his spandex once he has a boner.

I’m not sure if this is chemically possible, but the Asylum Limited Series Friday The 13th 2021is becoming worse. Much worse.

Not one of the big cigar industry reviewers are going to touch this cigar to save their lives. That leaves me to take the bullet in the head. And do they thank me openly? Fuck no.

There really is no point in continuing. No baby Jesus miracles are looming in this cigar’s future. It is a total piece of drek. What a disappointment because I do like the Asylum blends. This one is pure afterbirth.

RATING: Barium



Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

5 replies

  1. I read the review out loud to my wife and she was in total disbelief and we both got a good laugh out of them! Since you promised to tell another good rockstar story for the next time, we’re both looking forward to your next review. Don’t leave out any details, please.

    Bis zum nächsten mal.

    • Danke mein freund…Ich sprechen nur ein bischen.
      Clearly you have not read many of my reviews to your lovely wife. I thought I was pretty mild today in my profanity and inappropriate language. But tell her I love her more than you do…and when I need a new Haitian/German full time nurse, she has the job. I can pay in Kruggerands.
      By the way, my kraut wife, Charlotte is the one who turned me into a man who constantly uses profanity.
      She turns 71 this month. She is catching up to me.
      This is a pic of her on her 70th birthday last year:

  2. When I was in my early twenties, I had to get a barium enema. Not a pleasant experience. I have always said if I ever had to get another one of those I would fall to my knees and declare to my doctor, “It’s a miracle, thank you Jesus, I’ve been healed!” I hope they knock people out to do that now like with a colonoscopy. It’s a sadistic procedure.

    • Hello James,
      All I remember was leaving a huge white snail trail of white shit as I ran to the bathroom when it was over. And for two days later, every time I took a dump…it was little white powdered sugar doughnuts.
      Now they just stick an endoscopy tube down your throat…they couldn’t knock me out the last time I had to endure it…so I found out that I am definitely heterosexual. Wouldn’t survive in Quentin.
      Phil

  3. I bought two packs of the Figurado on the day they were released. Here I sit six weeks later thinking “at least this one didn’t taste like hot air and ash.”

    I am quite disappointed in Eiroa for this one.

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