My First Review Since Having a Stroke | Cigar Reviews by the Katman

Wrapper: Ecuadorian Sumatra
Binder: Connecticut broadleaf
Filler: Dominican, Nicaraguan
Size: 5 x 50 Robusto
Strength: Full
Price: $7.49 ($6.00 Online)

I had a stroke on Jan. 4. Took me down like a $20 whore with sharpened bicuspids. I dodged a bullet. No permanent damage. Although, I keep wiping my ass with the cat and find myself fondling russet potatoes with ferret oil. I’m in that danger zone of two weeks following a stroke. This is when I’m most likely to have another stroke that will turn me into a hedge fund manager or party clown. But I’m on a bevy of meds to keep me alive. This is the reason I chose a cigar that none of you will purchase. Sort of a run through before opening night.

So, it’s cigar catalog review day. A cigar that will have a longer life in the mainstream online cigar store system than a Twinkie after WWIII.

I’ve had my cigars marinating naked in my humidor for 6 months. If this cigar has any chance of tasting decent, today is the day.

I looked for reviews and found nothing…pretty much the same thing my coterie of neurologists said after the 27 scans of my brain. Badda-Boom!

OK. Truth be told, there are a couple of written reviews.
I saw a whole bunch of reviews that came from online cigar stores. Don’t believe a word. They might get some flavors right but after that…they are paid to sell cigars, not criticize them.

BACKGROUND:
From Halfwheel.com (7-15-2022):
“The second reworked line from Matt Booth, the newly-appointed creative director for General Cigar Co., is now heading to stores.

“This time, Booth, Justin Andrews and the team at the STG Danlí factory in Honduras have reworked three different Sancho Panza lines. Both the blends and branding have changed, the latter of which is said to be inspired by the Latin culture of West Los Angeles.”

There are a trio of lines, each offered in three sizes, though not exactly the same three vitolas…Sancho Panza Original, Sancho Panza Double Maduro, and Sancho Panza Extra Fuerte.”

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
My daughter gave me an iPhone 14 Pro Max around Christmas. The photos look like they are taken with an electron microscope. Every foreign molecule shows up. I’m sticking to my Sony digital camera because sometimes I can capture the beauty of a cigar in all its glory without worrying about seeing errant cat hairs on my stick.

A beautiful cigar.

The draw is absolutely on the money. Exactly how I like it. My PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool stares up at me with tears in its…uh…it doesn’t have eyes so the tears must be coming from its thyroid glands.

The schnoz picks up huge pockets of dark chocolate and floral notes.
I betcha’ a dollar it goes downhill from here.

First puffs and some really nice blasts of black pepper that aren’t overwhelming as they are accompanied by the aforementioned chocolate and slushy creaminess.

I smoked 4 sticks along the 6 months and the cigar was just OK.
Immediate hints of serious complexity. Color me shocked.

My palate has been wonky since the stroke but this morning is the first time that my palate seems to be in full working condition. Whew.
Flavors are Pussy Galore: Chocolate, spiciness, creaminess, malt, rich espresso, a touch of mint, deep savory notes, Trix are for kids, Chinese spices, and frog sweat.

For the price, whether it is the MSRP, or the gettable online price of $6…I am surprised as hell that the blend is this good. Smack me with a dead cat.

Construction is excellent. The char line is pure cesium in an umbrella weapon.

Depth settles in and gives me hope that this everyday cigar is something worthy of your humidors.

Transitions move slowly like a turtle chasing its own asshole. The finish is the star of the show…big fat flavors coat my mouth and refuse to diminish. Outstanding.

My biggest fear while in the hospital, besides not leaving alive, was that they would put a catheter in my wiener. Didn’t happen. Haven’t been this relieved since Charlotte thought she was pregnant when she was 65.

The complexity is happy to find a resting place where it is comfortable. Me guesses it will leave its cocoon during the second half…here’s hoping for a sweet spot.

The only thing I need to mention to so many of my readers is patience is required to get your $6 worth. The cigar didn’t seem to be aged worth a shit when I received it and elongated humidor solitude is absolutely a must.

Stay with me here…the second day in the hospital, I was feeling pretty good and the katman kicked in. Every female nurse and others that took care of me were beautiful women. I can’t thank them enough for wonderful care they provided. But the 30-year-old Philly kicked in and I charmed the shit out of them. The stroke triggered my gonzo sense of humor. None of these women had experienced this from an old man whose brain had exploded a couple days prior to admittance. I believe in positivity. And entertaining the troops was vital to my recovery. And I milked the shit out of it. Really glad they didn’t have the opportunity to see my schmekel…that would have really fucked things up.

The stick is on a very slow roll. New flavors of charred steak, vanilla, black cherry, and cinnamon plotz on my palate.

20 minutes to get 1-1/2” into the cigar.

Strength began at medium but is now in the medium/full range. Full tilt is awaiting me.

My senior moments whiz by like a teen given Ex-Lax by his friends.

I have begun using the phrase, “I had a stroke on Wednesday” for every time I do something stupid or can’t remember something. I’m pretty sure I can milk this for at least 5-6 months.

This cigar is bold. A pleasant surprise that this stick, at a user-friendly price point, is delivering an intense element of edible panties gratification. Public Service Announcement: If you have facial hair, stay away from the candy panties as it will take weeks to get the melted goop out of your beard. I learned this the hard way. I looked like a goat with no morals.

The complexity and depth of field is admirable. I’m enjoying the shit out of this cigar.

Are you bewildered by the plethora of new cigars that are all limited productions? I try to pick cigars that will allow some decent resting time before review…and most importantly, cigars that you can still purchase before they are all scooped up. It is a trend that does not have my approval. This cigar should be available for your perusal indefinitely.

Not a linear blend. Full of life with a green card at its disposal.
Full tilt arrives just before the second half. Amazingly, the blinding light occurs at the same time that the sweet spot takes charge.

Walnuts and almonds enter the theater of flavor points. A sip of water and I discover notes of baklava, buttered cinnamon toast, and a root beer float.

Damn. I wasn’t expecting this. I had my barbs and insults ready to go.

The docs all flapped their arms when they told me I shouldn’t smoke as they gave in to the fact that I’ve smoked the tubular tobacco enchiladas for most of my life…so, they told me to be prudent. Yeah, that’s me. Prudent. Ha.

The sweet spot envelops my damaged brain like a warm blankey. My palate is in overload. I’m digging the hell out of this experience…despite the fact that nicotine has me blinded by the light.

The halfway point arrives at the 45 minute mark. Nice.

Just as I wrote the above sentence, I get a call from Walgreens to tell me that my fentanyl medicated condoms are on hold as the doctor hasn’t approved the prescription yet. Thank God I have plenty of Vicks VapoRub on hand.

The water sip interludes send torrential flavor bursts to my sleepy palate.

I am impressed by the never-ending perfection of the burn line.

This is not a cigar for newbies that still want to have children. But you sophisticates will enjoy the near death experience this blend has to offer.

Not a single flavor has dissipated and are layered like your mama’s lasagna.

The breadth of balance is stunning. Savory v. Sweet is stupefying.
I haven’t been able to get a boner since the stroke. This is a concern. It might be the reason that Sammy the Cat saunters around with a big smile.

The first day of the stroke, I had serious issues with swallowing. Thank God this didn’t happen during my 3 years on Cell Block D in Quentin.

Despite the nicotine blindness, I am relaxed and having a swell time.
The root beer float is demanding to be top billed.

Now here is a quandary…why does a $6 cigar taste better than the $17 new arrivals? It reinforces my theory that new cigars are a rip off.

I pierce the cigar with my PerfecDraw so that I can nub this baby.

My sponsors…Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code katman) and Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code katman) have the cigars in stock.

If anything I’ve written makes no sense…I had a stroke on Wednesday.

RATING: 93



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