Valacari Astronomia Pre-Release | Cigar Reviews by the Katman

Wrapper: Connecticut Broadleaf
Binder: Nicaraguan (Ometepe)
Filler: Nicaraguan (Ometepe, Esteli, Jalapa)
Size: 6 x 52 Toro
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $12.00

From the Valacari Cigars website:
“Introducing the Astronomia. Our newest and most limited core line. Inspired by Astronomy and our exploration of space. The Astronomia represents our companies (sic) goal to push boundaries and discover new uncharted territories in cigar making. This bold new blend embodies new flavors and our boldest core release to date. This blend is created by only our very best cigar rollers and every cigar is inspected to the highest quality standards.”

This cigar is very difficult to find and the only online store I found that sells this blend is Small Batch Cigar. SBC offers a 10% off promo code using ‘katman.’

The album “My Baby Done Changed the Lock” by Taj Mahal and Ry Cooder starts me off.

Simple aromas from the wrapper include dark chocolate, creaminess, black pepper, caramel, a bit of citrus, strong notes of dates (I miss dates since I stopped eating sugar in 1980), cedar, and maple syrup.

Here goes nuttin’ honey…
Nice flavorful start. Very earthy tobacco that provides some immediate depth along with notes of dark chocolate, malt, cedar, maple syrup, a semi-tart note of kiwi, a tiny dose of black pepper, and some green from fresh parsley.

Complexity is the first impression. Transitions begin like they are chasing a Wells Fargo stage. The finish is fruity and savory with that semi-sweetness and the earthy tobacco flavors.

Strength is medium on the nose to win.

A well packed stick. But the draw is just OK. So, being the old coot who likes things the way he likes them, I pick up my PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool and gently clear the detritus to the halfway point and voila! The draw is like sucking on your first teat.

The leaf stats are currently the star of the show. I can taste the soil and the leaves like I am standing in the middle of a Nicaraguan tobacco farm.

The burn is a slow roll. Nice. It gives the cigar time to hit that sweet spot with a ball peen hammer when I least expect it. (I shouldn’t drink in the morning and then write a review).

The char line is a bit dicey but I ignore it for the moment.

Charlotte’s Green Card expires next month and needs renewal. She has been a resident since 1972. She refuses to become a naturalized American. It used to bother me because renewing the card is expensive and a pain in the arse. But in the last few political years, I don’t blame her one bit for not wanting to give up her German passport. A kraut to the end.

The first sweet spot attacks at 1-1/2” burned and 15 minutes expired. The balance is not interfered with; but rather, it boosts all those flavors and depth I’ve described to a new level of distinction. Bolder now. The complexity is like Steamboat Willie now. Just thrashing those big wheels kicking up enormous amounts of thrust.

The strength stays at medium but the cigar burns so slowly that I know the inevitable awaits me…the deadly nicotine spins.

This is a full-bodied smoke. Heavenly. So thick with possibilities. The savory portion is kicking ass. But the baby Jesus miracle is that the sweet points are in force causing a perfect balance. Not easy to do for a blender.

The sweet spot elongates like teen’s schlong in a hot and heavy make out session. God bless the drive in movie theaters of SoCal.

My first job ever was working in the huge snack bar of Los Altos Drive In in Long Beach. After a while they offered me the better paying gig of the guy in a long white coat and white captain’s hat who drives a bicycle around during the movie looking for steamed up windows and knocking on them. Yeah, I was going to interfere with my peers who were having a good time. I said I’d rather drip snot into the popcorn butter vat (Which actually happened once when I had a bad cold. No one noticed and I said nothing. Well, the guy who I was getting the popcorn for noticed and he just turned and left). I was happy with the $1.65 per hour snack bar gig. I didn’t care about the extra 20¢ to make me an asshole on an old Schwinn.

A little more than 2” burned in 30 minutes and the experience is as thrilling as it was for the Indians that took down Custer.

The char line self-corrected and is now razor sharp.

The spiciness from the black pepper is nicely controlled. Just enough to give the cigar some oomph. I’m not a fan of bland cigars.

The maltiness increases. So does the creaminess and chocolate. The tartness disappears and is replaced with subtle notes of candied lemon rind, strawberries, brown sugar, and a Peppermint Patty.

The body is strong but the blend is just barely touching the hem of medium/full.

The second sweet spot is in play. I know this because it always causes my lips to smack with a doggie-like speed before the pooch gets his Liva Snaps.

As a kid, I was ever so grateful for ketchup when my mother served liver and onions once a week. I count this as child abuse.

Because Boomers’ parents were Depression Era kids, it carried over to our lives as kids. I never saw a fat kid growing up. And fat adults were rare. These days, kids are spoiled and get to eat whatever they want as their parents don’t want to deny them anything. The result…too many overweight kids who will experience health issues as they get older. I never had to take a pill until well into my 40’s.

The blend is a great cigar for newbies that want to become adventurous. And a blend that can be enjoyed by throngs of sophisticates with trained palates.

The second half just explodes with flavor. Strength hits medium/full with a vengeance.

But the cigar is so smooth that I can ignore the nicotine spins.

This is going to be a sweet 90 minute smoke. The blend takes its time with its progression.

Dates show up for the first time. Dragging brown sugar, maple syrup, steak sauce, black licorice, vanilla creaminess, and chocolate sauce into the mix at Defcon 4.

At 4” burned, the blend becomes a swingin’ dick.
Just shy of full tilt strength.

At $12 per stick, this is a nice surprise. The Valacari folks could have priced this cigar much higher…but they were smart.
The Astronomia is a fun cigar. I plan on nubbing it until it becomes a stain on my fingers.

Remember, Small Batch Cigar has them. Get 10% off with promo code katman.



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