I am following Daniel Pérez’s lead by providing 6 reviews in 1 post. It is an easy and lazy way out when I don’t feel especially creative.

Each review was written on a different day so there is some overlap in criticisms and reoccurring feelings about the cigar industry.

Stay tuned for reviews by Georg Babbs (Our Man in Europe), Dr. Alex Wu (Our Man in Madison), and Charlie Schink (Our Man in Zambia).

I don’t think I’m going to repeat jumbo mini reviews again. 5,908 words. I’ll ask Daniel to step up. It’s madness for an old man. Me too.

#1
United Cigars Red Anchor | Cigar Reviews by the Katman
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano 2000
Binder: Dominican Monte Plata (Kelner Farm)
Filler: Dominican (San Vincente, Habano 92), USA Pennsylvanian Broadleaf
Size: 6.5 x 43
Profile: Medium
Price: $20.00

My cigars received 4 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

BACKGROUND:
From Luxury Cigar Club website:
“Red Anchor is an old cigar company that was started in 1770, in Holland. These cigars have a ton of history. Following 2021’s release, United added more vitolas and re-released this highly limited blend. Red Anchor is produced in collaboration with the Kelner Boutique Factory in the Dominican Republic. United wanted to truly encapsulate the company’s rich history, and they really nailed it. These cigars are smooth and medium-bodied, which will surprise all cigar enthusiasts with ample tasting notes of dried fruit, sweet earth, and barnyard floor.”

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Not a particularly good-looking cigar. If I remove the band with the fancy crowned anchor, you have something that Cigar Federation claims has 12 years of aging and is the best ugly cigar you ever smoked.

I sniff several times and there is slight floral…but that’s it.
The cigar has very little heft. Like holding a toothpick.
The cold draw is spicy with tones of red and black pepper and subtle notes of cinnamon roll.

I use my new PerfecPunch & Stand to open the cap. I’ve gone through a million punches in my lifetime. And all were crap. The crazy thing I learned by using Dr. Rod’s creation is that instead of screwing the punch into the cap…the incredible sharpness of the punch blade allows you to screw the cigar into the blade while holding the punch It slides into the blade like butter. I know it sounds like I’m being a weasel shill but if you’ve read me long enough, you know I don’t go around spewing bullshit about horseshit products or fuck wad cigars. This punch is a game changer. And the years it took for Rod to get his manufacturer to get everything right, I was right there with him going through the frustrations of getting less than perfect prototypes. Rod, besides being a world-famous dentist for his scientific research, is also a mechanical engineer.

Who doesn’t let a giggle slip when seeing the silly back stories manufacturers give to their little overpriced shrubs. Someone’s grandpa was a soldier or admiral and did heroic things while running a cigar company that Ma Kettle was forced to manage because Pa Kettle was off fighting a war. And thus, deserving a $20 cigar named after them. The $50 cigar is saved for the more heroic dead relative.

This is a fancy cigar. The Kelners don’t give their tobacco to just anyone.

The Dominican presence is immediate. Smooth, creamy, and a bit spicy with a black pepper influence. I’m not crazy about the redundant use of PA Broadleaf. It is not a subtle leaf. Thankfully, it is overwhelmed by four other leaves.

And the cigar goes out.

Are you having frustrating humidity issues with your cedar crypts? Me too. First a summer with uncontrolled dampness. And now a fall with drier and colder weather. Guessing how many Boveda packets to administer is like being a trauma doctor triaging dying patients.

Sweet cream. This is nice. But the body is being inundated by a lackluster attempt of balance. The blend needs some punch. I need a cigar to perform like it has the desire to prove its worth. No fucking around and making me wait til the second half. I have tossed thousands of cigars because I became frustrated and the devastating sense I’ve been mauled by a greedy cigar company. They laugh while we hard working chumps spend money we don’t have. I prefer the period we were in 10 years ago. Less choices but it was easier to make informed decisions. I recently bought some Paul Stulac cigars. I was a big fan in 2012-2015 when Paul was cranking out exciting new blends. I reviewed them all. I’m going to revisit those reviews because the man knows how to blend cigars. If you don’t want to wait, visit Cup O’ Joes. You can’t go wrong with any Stulac blend. His cigars range from a reasonable $10-$12. Tell ‘em the katman sent you.

This is my third review stick. I experienced minor burn issues with each. How much is this cigar? $20.00. Oh dear.

Getting a lonsdale to perform causes sweat to form on any blender’s forehead. We gentlemen normally prefer the Lancero when we meet to discuss our NFT’s while snorting pharmaceutical cocaine. (You can’t taste a cigar with cocaine dripping down your throat. Trust me on this.)

The first third was a complete letdown. With its exotic leaf stats, I expected something along the lines of robust and transitional. Not a lick of richness.

The second third finds a nice buttery toasty quality. I’m grasping to be nice. A candied lemon note is pleasant. But no depth. None.

The blend improves in the second half. I use the term ‘improve’ with a scanty eye leaning more towards mediocrity. Again, I’m being nice. I bought a fiver of these cigars. Godamm the Pusherman.

Five different bloody tobaccos. Winners all. So why does this cigar bite the Bodeen? Dunno. I’m just a critic, not a blender.

My recording studio was on the bottom floor of a 4-story building. Unsavory characters inhabited a few apartments. The same three lowlifes, over and over, tried to sneak down duct work into our studio to steal recording equipment. Each time, they got stuck and the alarm went off. In 5 years, I must have been called to the studio 50 times to reset the alarm system by the cops. If I went to the liquor store next to the studio, I carried a .38 in my waistband. I pulled my shirt up countless times to exhibit my intentions. You only see dead stupid eyes when there is a stare off. My studio employees called my pistola “Clint.” Not a good thing when your weapon of choice has a nickname.

This cigar has all the right stuff to age well and become a very good cigar. Maybe I’m just smoking it too early. There is zero information available pertaining to number of cigars released. This means it is either a regular production cigar or a let’s see if the smoking public likes it and if they don’t, we will stop making them.

Mild blends can be mild if flavor is king. I see cords of cigars lying dead in front of me. Casdagli would have nailed this blend. Jeremy makes the perfect cigar line with the Daughters of the Wind blends. My favorite. Spend your $20 on that lane, not Red Anchor’s. Somm by Vlada Stojanov is also a good line to frequent. Reasonably priced too.

Not a single transition. Only a scoche of complexity. Near flawless in its ability to provide no flavor profile. With a third to go, I tap out. The nerve. Either this cigar won’t be reviewed by my comrades, or to show I’m wrong, will get stellar critiques.
A granular smoke with sepsis overtone.

The world is flooded with new cigar releases. So many choices. So many bad cigars. Boutique cigar blends are a tricky business. Every guy with dough thinks he can build a cigar from the ground up. Most can’t. Does it stop these guys from putting their wares on the market? Nope. Someone must pay off their debt. Why not the consumer?

You can purchase the United Cigars Red Anchor from sponsor Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’).

RATING: 76

#2
Illusione Group of Five | Cigar Reviews by the Katman
Wrapper: Nicaraguan
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 5 x 52 Robusto
Strength: Medium
Price: $16.00

My cigars received 3 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

BACKGROUND:
From Illusione website:
“The first in a series of Illusione ‘limited release’ cigars, the ONEOFF Black robusto is made with tobaccos grown from an entirely unique seed to Eduardo Fernandez’ farms in Nicaragua. Dion liked the tobacco so much that he set aside 25 bales of seco 4 and 5 primings. The bales have been resting for 3 years now and the tobacco is ready to present to the world. Tasting notes: sweet caramel, flinty and an exotic spice finish.
All tobaccos personally selected, graded and blended by Dion Giolito.”

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
When a tobacco snausage is plain ugly, a reviewer wonders if the cigar company exec looked at photos of his goods before he emancipated funds. And then glad handed his contacts to place his cigars in retail stores. They say they all care. But do they?
Manufacturers talk to the cigar media to explain how they did it, why they did it, and when they did it. But the consumer gets little or none of the information because the tiniest percent of smokers read online press releases.

We, the consumer feel an obligation to give the cigar company owner the benefit of the doubt even though we don’t have a relationship we want to foster. This is one of the two reasons manufacturers can’t bear me. I won’t write with my mouth full. And because I…well, you know why. Grumpy Old Man with too many inappropriate stories. And he says fuck too much.

This is a useless blend and a copious waste of any cigar smoker’s time. Will the cigar benefit from an additional 6 months of humidor time? It can’t hurt. I know I painfully flaunt that I’ve been a cigar smoker since 1968. But it gives me serious cred for knowing when a blend is a bum cigar. Am I wrong occasionally? Damn straight. I’m probably wrong now. Chrissakes, this is a subjective hobby.

Sometimes, the blender gets it wrong. What do they do with 50,000 cigars that are a disappointment? You guessed it. They sell them to the public using an in-house too-cool-for-school Joe Camel promotion stampede. They aren’t going to take a hit on that much outlay of cash. It doesn’t take long for smokers to figure out which blends are good and which ones are not…and then word spreads. The manufacturer is left with getting some sales before they hit the closeout bin. Blind leading the blind smokers who only care about discounts will take up the slack because they don’t care what a cigar tastes like. Remember, the production cost for a cigar is only a buck or two.
I could have listed wonderful flavors and impressions.

Know why the drum solo in the song In-A-Gadda-Da-Vida is so cool? The entire band can exit into the cool night and smoke a J. It made playing the rest of the song supersonically charged.

You can purchase the Illusione The Group of Five from my sponsors: Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code ‘katman’) and Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’)

RATING: 81

#3
Room 101 Daikoku Luxury Cigar Club Exclusive | Cigar Review s by the Katman
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano
Binder: Nicaraguan (Corojo 99)
Filler: Nicaraguan (Viso Estelí, Jalapa)
Size: 6 x 50
Profile: Medium
Price: $12.00

My cigars received 4 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

BACKGROUND:
From Luxury Cigar Club:
“Room 101 and Luxury Cigar Club have been two birds for a while now; from our collaborative releases like Johnny Tobacconaut, Snake Shake, Cherubs, & more, you can count on one thing: an exceptional cigar. Daikoku is a new brand from Room 101 that follows Room 101 lure, paying homage to the Japanese god of wealth, good fortune, and abundance.

“Daikoku is a medium-bodied cigar that was designed to over-deliver, at only $12 a cigar you can enjoy these daily, except they are very limited, but your heart will encourage you to enjoy them frequently. Wearing an Ecuadorian Habano wrapper leaf, Nicaraguan Corojo 99 binder, and fillers from Jalapa and Estelï, Daikoku is anything but your typical Room101 cigar. You may find tasting notes of leather, rose water, and marzipan, along with plenty of nuanced flavors to find yourself.

“Daikoku was produced by Victor Calvo, an Estelï-based cigar manufacturer who has been in the business since 1997. Only 1,500 boxes were produced.”

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
A decent looking cigar. Nothing stands out. Beautiful back story. ‘God of Wealth.’ A more passion driven god would be the one that says, “I paid my bills on time this month.” Doo dah.

Aroma is slightly sweet with substantial barnyard.

The draw is wide open. This is going to be a hot cigar. My other experimental trysts were the same. I will hold off commenting on construction.

I got an unscripted blow after lighting up. Wop bob aloo bop and my head jerks back. A spicy attack I have only seen in this third cigar.

I hope to be on the receiving end of “…leather, rose water, and marzipan, along with plenty of nuanced flavors to find yourself.”

There is a creamy leatherface in tune with the upcoming holiday for children and those who love their beer with a Snickers.

I am not sure how to pronounce the name of this cigar. Someone in management should have thought of providing a phonetic guide in the press release. Daikoku. It’s anybody’s guess.

My initial smoke with this blend was two months ago. I decided to wait another two months before I put my critique in writing. I didn’t see much promise as this blend has been done thousands of times.

This blend is as familiar as AJ Fernandez, Carrillo, BLTC, or L’Atelier.

If it looks like a Nic puro, swims like a Nic puro, quacks like a Nic puro, then it is probably a Nic puro. Except for slight misnomer of the Ecuadorian Habano which tastes just like a Nic Habano. Tomato, tomahto.

This old formula has been hammered to death. The New Breed blenders of the 2020’s are following the Casdagli playbook that has been around for far more than a decade. Using Ecuadorian, Peruvian, Costa Rican, Dominican, Brazilian, and African leaves, this onslaught of new releases is providing smoother and more complex experiences than the big bang on the head Nicaraguan encounters.

The first third turns out to be a yawn. I paid no attention to those 30 minutes. A tell.

The second third improves. Not by much. For $12, I’d rather smoke a Southern Draw Kudzu, an SD Manzanita, an SD Desert Rose, and an SD Jacob’s Ladder. And with the right promo codes and probable sales galore, the SD blends can be had for $6. Half. And they aren’t a limited release like the Daikon here. Booth had to know the radish joke was coming.

Skipping ahead to the second half. It’s not a bad cigar. It’s just without any serious merit. I hoped it would be more than decent…but that’s all it is. Decent.

You can’t go wrong with your everyday being a Southern Draw (I am not a rep for SD).

You can purchase this cigar from sponsor Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’).

RATING: 86

#4
Foundation Cigars The Wise Man Corojo | Cigar Reviews by the Katman
Wrapper: Nicaragua (Corojo)
Binder: Nicaragua (Estelí & Jalapa)
Filler: Nicaragua (Condega, Estelí & Jalapa)
Size: 5.5 x 50 Robusto
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $10.50
Factory: My Father Cigars S.A.

My cigars received 4 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
The wrapper is fragile, which is painfully obvious from my visible fingernail nicks.
Wrapper aroma is ultra smooth for a Nic puro. Floral, peanuts, and salted caramel.
The cold draw is pure Nicaraguan…a peppery blast with notes of espresso, dark chocolate, and aged tobacco leaves.

The perennial light up phase gets a passing grade. If the cigar blend is amenable to my palate, the start fades away. The initial flavors of cocoa and taco Tuesday tell my brain that all is good in the world. Peace at last, God almighty, peace at last.
Spicy. Peanuty, and floral.

And the shoe drops. Despite a pleasant beginning, there are no signs of complexity. The signs that lead me to think I’d enjoy this blend, disappear. A blend design that has been done a million times. If I blind tasted this cigar, there would be a list a mile long of similar brands and blends.

I read a couple of reviews in which the critics gave this cigar mild praise. I came in expecting better. My previous two sticks were OK, but I allowed this one to marinate a couple months longer than those disappointing test flights.

10-15 years ago, we all craved corojo. Not so much anymore. It feels like a tired blend. Sold to the masses of Roman citizens.

I skip ahead to the second half. There is not much solace when the first half doesn’t offer up my benign approval. In an earlier life, I was very forgiving of cigars that behaved like The Wise Man Corojo.

A strong peanut shell flavor with a matching peanut shell aroma. I’m grasping at straws. Lackluster. And wouldn’t you just guess that construction is excellent, elongating what is becoming a torturously long smoke.

I’ve provided positive feedback to 12 Foundation cigar blends from 2015-2024. A solid and consistent manufacturer. Not every cigar is a gem. A swing and a miss.
Instead of the Corojo, go for The Wise Man Maduro instead.

You can purchase The Wise Man Corojo from my sponsors: Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code ‘katman’), Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’), and Cigar Page.

RATING: 85

#5
Warped Isla del Cocodrilo | Cigar Reviews by the Katman
Wrapper: Ecuadorian Habano (Desflorado)
Binder: Brazilian Arapiraca, Ecuadorian Habano 2000
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 5.625 x 46 Corona Gorda
Strength: Medium
Price: $13.00

My cigars received 3 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Another unattractive cigar. A bit light in the loafers.

A grape juice cold draw hits me immediately after declawing the cap with my PerfecPunch. Caramel, peppery fettucine sauce, and sauteed wood on a stick. The wrapper smells like day old cow farm.

When the penetration of the draw device is used on a 3/8” opening, one must be careful. I gently insert the tool and get serious resistance. I make it to the halfway point and the plug ends. I carefully remove the PerfecDraw, and I have the resistance that makes me happy. Extra cheese for Dr. Rod today.

I smoked two sticks a month after receipt. My first thought was that I wasted my dough. A month later, there was a glimmer of hope. A month after that I’m writing a review.

Great Burn-a-Roni. Super sweet. The prevailing opinion is that this is a woody smoke. I agree wholeheartedly. The consensus goes on to agree that it has nice splinters of sweetness. Spot on. Third at bat is an easy agreement that this is earthy. Earthy for me describes potatoes and mushrooms with a lick of celery seed. Earthiness is a fabrication of flavors when we don’t know how to describe ‘rich body.’ Dirt tasting experiences are different for everyone. Growing up, everyone’s backyard was different.

A lovely mélange of coffee and brown sugar. This is turning into a terrific cigar.

These leaf stats are a beautiful thing. Perfect. You can’t go wrong. Gellis proves it.

Buttery graham cracker crust and cream cheese. Both tangy. Both something you can schmear on your leg if you are in front of the draft board.

The burn becomes bothersome. I had similar problems with the others. Nothing major. Fingers crossed.

You ever go into a public bathroom only to discover you can’t find the flap in your underwear…so you undo your belt buckle, and your Glock falls on the urine-soaked floor? Me neither.

Any time I find myself quizzing my sanity as I analyze a cigar blend, my first thoughts are I’m out of sync and missing the point. Is the cigar not as good as I hoped…or is my palate out to lunch? I’m sure you’ve smoked cigars, praised by me or other reviewers, and wondered what the hell we were talking about. I question myself all the time.

I tried hypnotizing myself into thinking cottage cheese tastes like cheesecake. All that happened was I barked when I took a piss.

The second third is even more interesting. A hint of transitions. Complexity is derived from the perfect marriage of Ecuadorian, Brazilian, and Nicaraguan leaves. We’ve smoked a lot of cigars with this blend only to find disappointment as the wrong ratio of Wrapper vs. Binder vs. Filler was applied. It’s a best guess for any blender.

Every man jack reviewer agrees that this cigar gets a thumbs up because Gellis uses serious blending techniques. It doesn’t rate with the great sticks we all could name. But it will do pig, it will do.

I’m glad I purchased a fiver. But I wouldn’t go for a box of 15. It’s $200. The cigar industry is bombarding us with cigars. We smoky few end up looking like Dresden on steroids. We can’t keep up no matter how we try.

If you read a lot of reviews like I do, do you find some rating systems totally puzzling? Assigning numbers in 10 different categories cracks me up. It may seem scientific, but it is still one man’s opinion and therefore, totally subjective. The scientific method is just too much work for me. It’s only a cigar.

You can purchase the Warped Isla de Cocodrilo from my sponsors: Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code ‘katman’) and Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’).

RATING: 92

#6
Wildfire Cigars The Revivalist | Cigar Reviews by the Katman
Wrapper: Mexican Claro
Binder: Indonesian
Filler: Nicaraguan Estelí and Jalapa
Size: 5.625 x 46 Corona
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $10.00
Factory: Joya de Nicaragua
Released 2021. Regular Production.

My cigars received 3 months of naked humidor time. Dry boxed 2 days.

THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
I’ve reviewed four Wildfire blends: The Hook (93), Artaois (95), The Intro (96), and Wanderer (93). Clearly, I have an affinity for how Jeremy McDonald blends cigars.

A straight-ahead grouping of mild aromas is produced by a mostly blemish free wrapper. The cold draw is very much the same. Notes of sourdough bread, black pepper, lemon cheesecake, and raisins.

Stupendous start. The brilliance of the blend wastes no time. As rich as Dr. Rod’s plaintiffs in his will.

Immediately complex…flavors are all over the place. To begin: white chocolate, afternoon coffee, dried fruit, marsupial lip gloss, black pepper, and pudding if you eat yer meat. All provided in the first 45 seconds. Nice.

A gentleman’s cigar. Critics report a woody and spicy cigar. But then creamy kicks in within the immediate secondary puffs. Still in the first quarter of an inch. Creamy and smooth will win me over.

I reviewed 5 cigars leading to The Revivalist. Mostly overpriced, underwhelming, and disappointing. The Revivalist gives me that desperate hope we cigar smokers share that finally we bought a great cigar. We are despondent over the ones that are not. The Revivalist is only $10.00.

The raisin aroma turns into a dried fruit extravaganza. Apricots, dates, and mango.
The last third is the most important part of any cigar. The first third lures us into submission and grand hope. The second third is dessert before dinner. That last third is the portion in where we either give the cigar a thumbs up or thumbs down.

Great cigar. Someone slide me a fresh dildo. Call me Felipe Gonzalez-Gonzalez. Charlotte does.

In the past, I was pretty good at destroying bad cigars with words. I’ve become a kinder and gentler old man. There was a time when my despair over wasted time and money given to a crappy cigar would open the creative Ka-Bar in me. I’m cruising now because I have decided I don’t need the pressure to perform like a trained monkey. I’ve paid my dues as a reviewer and as a human being. Maybe when I turn 80…

In the right hands, a Corona or Corona Gorda, is like mother’s milk.
The sweet creaminess morphs. Burnt caramel. Or is it butterscotch? Oh lawdy.

Moments later, caramel pushes butterscotch aside. A nice Sweet v. Savory balance. Sometimes I capitalize those words, sometimes I don’t.

I miss being a young man. But I revel in the clarity of being ancient.

The first half was a ringer for a $25 cigar.

Easy removal of double cigar bands makes us look more favorable on any cigar.

Know how we know that construction on a cigar is excellent? We walk away for 5 minutes, and the cigar is still lit and easily smokeable. That’s how. The Revivalists passes with flying colors.

The second half doubles down on asking for my praise. I understand that Jeremy McDonald is loyal to his ex-company affiliation with Caldwell Cigars. Either Mr. McDonald learned a lot from Robert Caldwell, or he wasn’t listened to enough. It seems harsh but every cigar I’ve smoked from Wildfire has been an example of how it’s done right.
I hope that Jeremy McDonald takes his time. No need to rush. He is a young man and has proved that he is a blender not to be messed with. Again, the cigar is only $10.00!!

Skip and I learned to play Beatles’ tunes on several instruments. My Aunt Rhoda loved how we played “You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.” I could switch from bass to recorder (for the outro) with ease. She applauded and gave us tiny boners. My Aunt Rhoda was hot. A gun moll. She was married 5 times. All Jewish gangsters. These are words that go together well.

Listening to “Paperback Writer” on my car radio. I thought they were singing Paper Bag Tiger.”

Smooth and reverent. Glides like a pack of Dulcolax suppositories. A splendid cigar. After promo codes, only $9…maybe less.

The last third is easy going. Strong and influential body. Flavors are a misdemeanor while richness prevails over the masses. A grownup cigar that the sophisticate will enjoy. Newbies with outreached flailing paychecks will appreciate every inch. An excellent cigar to learn from.

I’m buying a box of 20. This is the perfect go-to. It takes a mere hour or so to smoke. The cigar comes in three sizes: 5.25 x 50, 5.625 x 46, and 6.25 x 52.

Do yourself a favor and visit all the blends that Wildfire Cigars has to offer.

You can purchase these cigars from my sponsors Small Batch Cigar (10% off with promo code ‘katman’) and Luxury Cigar Club (15% off with promo code ‘katman’).

RATING: 95

As Halloween approaches, the following recounting of my bizarre time with Eddie Munster at the Waldorf Astoria seemed like a good use of dredging up the past. I last posted this story September 2023.

And now for something completely different…
The Eddie (Butch Patrick) Munster Chronicles.

The Waldorf Astoria charged $18 ($56.98 in 2024 dollars) for a burger w/ fries in 1983.
Butch and I ordered one burger extravaganza each. The voice on the other end of the phone said it would take approximately 45 minutes.

OK. This would surely be a feast. My God. We were in the famous Waldorf Astoria. I expected a spread that would satisfy Louis XXXXIVV.

Butch headed straight for the courtesy fridge with the ridiculously expensive treats. Items that I was not about to pop for, regardless of how much pot we had smoked.
An hour later, no food. I called room service, and I was assured that it was on its way. Uh-huh.

I had to pry Butch off the fridge. I had a brilliant idea. A little toot of Colombian marching powder would assuage our appetites until the Waldorf could manage to deliver the sumptuous dinner to the peasants. I went over to my suitcase where the drugs were stored for the trip. I removed a small brown colored gram bottle containing the white death.

Payola was still in force in the radio industry. Pay to play. Either money or drugs or go fish. It was out in the open. No one even appeared to hide it. Everyone had their hands out. I spent thousands on cash bribes. I spent thousands on handing out the very hip grams of cocaine. The music industry was a heartbeat away from overdosing in the 80’s.

The dilemma: Where do we find a smooth surface to lay the drug out in neat little lines? Butch looked at the wall above the massive dresser. He stood up, walked over to the wall, and removed the enormous mirror. This piece of art was at least 42” x 60” with an ornate frame making it even larger.

Slipping and sliding, he waddled over to the bed and laid it down. It took up the entire double bed. Rocshire Records popped for adjoining double rooms. It was like taking your kid to Wally World.

I placed the gram bottle on the mirror and got up to get my wallet. Within the wallet would be our means to snort the white death; a $20 bill to be rolled into the shape of a tube. When I came back to the bed, Butch had already dumped the entire contents of the bottle on to the surface of the mirror.

A gram, back then, was worth about $100. An entire gram was too much for a little appetite suppressant. This was essentially a heart attack dose.

My good friend, Rick, was an ex-con. He went to jail for running illegal gambling. He made his living between playing poker and dealing coke. His product was as close to pure as anything I had ever tried. Rick was a man who believed his word was everything. Despite being a drug dealer, he had ethics and demanded the same from his friends. In addition, I wasn’t one of the many coke whores that surrounded his business. I turned down his constant offers for toots, and he just couldn’t fathom it. The rest of his clientele turned down nothing. He found in me a friend not dependent on his drug supply.

This was a man, who once you were friends, was loyal to a fault. He had a big heart. He was not a violent man. But he was a huge man. I wouldn’t want him mad at me or to confront me. He became part of my Eddie Munster creative team. He was very inventive. He always had good ideas. And he had a small part in my “Whatever Happened to Eddie?” music video.

Back to the Waldorf….

I went first, doing a very small amount of coke…. maybe a quarter of an inch. Instant wake up and “What? I’m not hungry. Let’s talk about life.” As Butch leaned over the mirror, there was a knock at the door. Both of our heads jerked up and stared at the portal and then back at each other.
The food!
Obviously, we could not allow the waiter to see the mirror on the bed and the illegal substance atop. I yelled to Butch, “Get rid of it!”

Butch grabbed the mirror, and just like a scene from the Three Stooges, ran towards the open door to the adjacent suite and slammed into it. The dolt was holding the mirror sideways.

The mirror held sideways, in his hands, overlapped the door by at least two feet on either side.

Rebounding from the jolt, he turned the mirror the other way. But the oversized frame would not allow him through. And he couldn’t turn it on its side, or all the coke would hit the floor. Butch was never one to waste a good drug.

The knock at the door was louder and sounded impatient. I yelled that I’d be right there, “Hang on!”

Butch threw the mirror back on the bed. Yes! That’s right. Scoop it up and shove it back in the bottle.
Not Butch.
He grabbed the rolled-up bill and proceeded to inhale the entire gram of coke up his nose.
My jaw dropped.

The paramedics would be called. Survival was not an option.

As I waited for him to drop in a heap, twitching and convulsing, the door knock came, for what seemed, one last time. I pulled the comforter over the mirror and opened the door. The food was wheeled in by a disgruntled employee.

Word was out that a pair of Hollywood types wearing T-Shirts was in the prestigious hotel. And no one liked it one bit.
I signed for the food and the waiter left.

Butch’s eyes had no irises left, only pupils. He couldn’t blink. “Still hungry, Butch?”
There was no reply. He had lock jaw.

I was hungry, and he didn’t seem to be in the throes of death…for the moment.
They forgot to deliver one of the burger and fries orders. I shook my head. We waited an hour and a quarter, and they fucked up the order.

I called downstairs and bitched at them. Profuse apologies spewed forth. Yeah, sure. The Californians didn’t get their complete meal of burgers and fries. I’m sure the kitchen was in an uproar.

I was assured that the balance of our meal was on its way.

I cut the burger in half with a butter knife, nearly destroying it.
Expecting a beautiful piece of meat piled high with condiments and veggies, I was extremely disappointed at the fare. It looked like fast-food.
It felt like we were at some greasy diner in Arkansas. The plate was pitiful. But food was food.

Amazingly, Butch wanted to eat. The natural appetite suppressant of the drug did not seem to cause Butch’s desire to feed his face, wane. So, we shared a crappy burger.

An hour later, the second burger and fries arrived. A big smile on the waiter’s face with an outstretched hand urging a big tip…as he proclaimed that feeling badly, the kitchen threw in some extra fries! I shoved him out the door without a tip.

Life at the Waldorf was not cherries and cream.

Note: Butch got clean several years ago. Too many people don’t survive what Butch put himself through. Two snaps up for 71 year old Eddie Munster being alive and sober.

Photo: Butch giving what ho with two lemon crème pies to the puss of his beloved manager…me. Naturally, I have a lighter and cigar in my hands.

Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS

Tags: 6 Mini Reviews: United Cigars Red Anchor, Illusione Group of Five, Isla del Cocodrilo, Room 101 Daikoku, The Revivalist | Cigar Reviews by the Katman, The Wise Man Corojo