Wrapper: Cameroon
Binder: Dominican
Filler: Dominican
Size: 5 x 50 Robusto
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $30.00
My cigars received 6 months of naked humidor time.
I reviewed this cigar in 2016. Nine years is long enough to have at it again. I rated it 84. It was $15.00. Now it is twice that. Oy.
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
I grasp the little donkey kong in my hand gently. The wrapper is mottled and not totally unattractive. I remove the secondary cigar band and a hunk of wrapper comes off with it. Great. I snortify the top leaf and it is a culmination of the usual suspects: barnyard, spicy baking accoutrement, chocolate, peaty lager, and black licorice.
I core a hole in the cap using my PerfecPunch. The draw is all cloves and mint. I’m getting the side eye from Rod’s unearthly machine. I yell, “What!?” It puffs its tiny chest and screams back at me, “…….” It can’t fucking talk. Or maybe it’s a whisper. I slap it aside with my PerfecDraw and I’m left alone in peace. Or am I?
A manly start of earthy goodness, vanilla, black coffee, smoked almonds, dark cocoa, black pepper, and rich caramel nougat.
Another overpriced cigar. Should I rant or should I shut the hell up? I will keep my thoughts to myself. One last thing, the first puffs should give me a boner this big. Instead, I have Erectophillicacious. That’s right, I’m in the medical doctrines.
A sour note appears at only half an inch. Not good. Maybe it’s me. I haven’t had any luck with this blend in the past.
1973. Friends and I went to a Jethro Tull concert at the L.A. Coliseum. Naturally, since I had the 1965 VW Westfalia camper bus, I was the chauffeur. This allowed everyone in the back free reign to smoke a pound of weed before we landed. The Coliseum could accommodate 90,000 fans. We had special considerations. After a minute, we decided to leave the security of the press booth to watch from the top tier of the stadium. A bunch of Hippies among all those suits was unbearable. The new chief of police made it his plot in life to destroy fabulous furry freaks and so the place was awash with only barely undercovered cops busting harmless dope smoking attendees…often beating them up for fun. We had backstage passes so off we went to visit our betters. No one messes with you behind the curtains. I never would have guessed that a mere two years later, I’d be playing in a Brit band that was Tull’s support act for 2 gigs in London.
The burn gets wonky. Shiver me timbers. $30. You can snag three Stulacs for that.
Summer camp. I brought my Sony reel to reel. I was tasked with recording JFK’s June 10 ‘Peace’ speech at American University. It was played to the throngs that evening. Gen Z: “Who’s JFK?”
The cigar plumps. The burn self-rectifies. The sourness disappears. Back on track. I’m billing Fuente for the sour period: $6. I’m keeping track. I know I said I’d shut up. I’m ancient. Better to beg forgiveness than ask permission.
Cameroon wrappers are iffy. This one tastes dull. The Dominican guts shines through with a certain listlessness. It’s soft and pliable. The strength at one inch burned is medium. To keep my palate activated, I down my fourth Twinkie. The cigar tastes like cream filling.
The burn wonks out again. WTF? $30. How do you not consider a blend without the price tag? Reviewing blindly would expose me. Something I’ve never been convicted of in a court of law.
My style has changed in the last few years. I’ve seen social media claims that the katman has vanished and someone has taken over in his…er, my place. Paul is Dead syndrome. In previous years, I tried to appeal to everyone. When I realized that I need to write for you, it all changed…for the better. Entertain the troops or lose them to podcasts that drone and drone. The longer we live, the more character we have. Or in my case, not so much.
I’m stalling as I await this triple sawbuck stick to kick in and amaze me. At this early juncture, the thing could be an Oliva 2nd.
Are there bad batches? Must be. But all of them?
I reviewed Arturo Fuente Don Carlos The Man (2024)…89. I reviewed Arturo Fuente Don Carlos Eye of the Bull (2024)…93. I reviewed Arturo Fuente Don Carlos (2014)…87. Apparently, I don’t care for the Don Carlos line all that much. And now the pièce de resistance…the $30 Personal Reserve.
The burn is terrible. The flame continues to go out. Dang me. I’m ready to stomp this cigar into the flame-retardant floor beneath my wings.
Repetitive fire to foot destroys the cigar’s chances for eternal youth. As well as tasting any subtleties the blend may offer. Am I frustrated? Think of standing in line at the DMV. Think of an expired Fleet Enema. Think of turning your head and coughing. Think of your urologist telling you to relax. Think of your streaming service going dark. Think of never being bright enough to get a job doing the weather on TV. Think of hearing your wife telling you she doesn’t mind you having sex with other women, but you’re 75 years old. I rest my case.
Look at this piece of junk:
If it won’t stay lit, how am I to review it? I could make shit up. But I won’t. This review is over, done, fakakta, moose and squirrel, blankety blank blank, over under sideways down.
RATING: 79
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Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS
weird, I’ve had 5 or so of these and love them. Apparently identical blend to the eye of the shark but I’ve preferred these smaller guys.
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Hey Sam,
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m sure I’m wrong. But that awful construction was not my doing.
Good for you that the Don Carlos loves you back. I’m shit out of luck in that department.
Thanks for your comment,
Phil
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not wrong, perhaps unlucky? Anyway, a couple of new Don Carlos spinoffs coming. Hopefully one will hit for you 🙂
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Sad result. But that has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read. Brilliant.
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Hi Woody,
Brilliant? Damn it, you made me go back and read it. I never read my shit. Look what you made me do. I can’t figure out what you are referring to, but I will take the compliment with grace. Thank you.
Phil
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The “Think of” passage alone was hilarious. Erectophillicacious? And we’re not supposed to laugh? I do look forward to your reviews/writing.
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Thank you, Woody. I’m your man.
Phil
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I like the regular don carlos, though still on the pricey side. Another shitty high priced cigar.. thx for saving me 30 bucks.
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Hi Tony,
It is my pleasure to be a disrespectful turd. Consistency is the key for any blend, especially an expensive one. Maybe our betters can afford to trifle with the unaffordable, but the rest of us mortals must pick more concisely.
Thanks for your comment,
Phil
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The Fuente Anejo is a very good smoke, but there weren’t any for a while, more now but selling at $18 or so, compared to 10-11. And the wrapper needs humidor time to taste right.
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Hi Tim,
Yeah, the Anejo is a solid smoke.
As far as pricing, the industry is already making record profits. They are now announcing that they will up their prices based upon new tariffs. They are scattering to the wind any chances of keeping us in the game. But current news reports state that they took a 9% dip in sales in the first quarter of this year. Are they panicking? I hope so.
Thanks for your comment,
Phil
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I’ve noticed a sour note on a lot of Arturo Fuente cigars lately. I’m glad it’s not just me.
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You’re not alone brother.
Phil
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The only Fuente I ever really grab anymore…is the RSG R52. When I’d throw my local shop some biz, I’d pick up a few at like $8-9 per. Yeah…last time I checked, they had gone up to the point where it was no longer any kind of “bargain”.
It’s a shame about this DC. It’s been a while, but I still had Don Carlos on my “worth it” list. It’s no DTT or Liga Privada, but for a Dominican. New world order.
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Greed is king.
Phil
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DAMN!! I love it when you tell the truth! That’s why we love you, man! I get excited enough to pick up my bass and remember when I could play. Karry on Katman……
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Hey Stephen,
Thank you, man. It’s a shame that I’ve carved such a niche for myself with truth telling. Others are young and trying to carve their own niche by pleasing the industry. I don’t blame them. Currying favor has its perks. It boils down to that I’m fortunate, due to my age, that I don’t need to give a shit about the industry. Although, they secretly love me when I give them a big thumbs up. But they can’t be seen in public doing so for the Shame Police will come after them. Big smile.
The terrible nerve damage from a crushed neck has me struggling like never before in my 60 years as a bassist. I don’t care. I slog on and play because I must. All artists and musicians must perform their art no matter how difficult. So you play, Stephen, and don’t worry if you’re meeting false expectations you’ve placed on yourself. Is it frustrating? Think of buying the last condom at the pharmacy and it says For Women Only. Think of playing solitaire and you can’t remember how to cheat. Think of playing some riffs for a friend and y’all can only play Achy Breaky Heart. Or think of your wife telling you that the first three kids weren’t yours, they were her lesbian lover’s.
Thanks for the comment,
Phil
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Phil,
Any Cameroon wrapper you prefer?
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There is a Cameroon which is a hybrid from Southern New Jersey in Lancashire County that I am particularly fond of. There is also a Cameroon from Northern Indio in Western San Bernardino County that blooms beautifully in the desert heat. But my favorite is the Cameroon farmed in a tiny section of the Vatican’s hidden agenda that 16 generations of popes have raised before they became the grand poobahs. I can’t think of any others.
Phil
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can’t seem to find those in cigar page….
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I had my first and only don carlos a few weeks back. I had been sitting on it for the better part of a year…waiting and waiting for that special occasion that i would use as an excuse to smoke it. What a let down it was. It wouldnt stay lit…and when i looked at the foot, it looked like the binder would not light despite alot of heat..but the filler did. Horrible tunneling. Ended up cutting off about an inch of the stick, feeling sure i had removed the problem area. Nope. Every bit as bad as it was from the start, and I wanted to like it so much.
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Hey Paul,
There are both pros and cons that have shown up in these comments. Inconsistency can kill a line of cigars. Sometimes, I think that Fuente is wildly overrated. It can fall into the same category as Oliva. They both make a lot of cigars. Huge tobacco farms. But what about quality control? A mystery.
Thanks for your comment,
Phil
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