Wrapper: Nicaraguan Corojo ‘99
Binder: Nicaraguan Criollo ‘98
Filler: Nicaraguan Corojo ’99, Nicaraguan Criollo ‘98
Size: 5.625 x 52 Toro Especial
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $12.00
This was my #14 cigar of 2022.
THE WHOLE MEGILLAH:
Looks like it was rolled by a blindfolded gorilla with a hangover. Veiny, lumpy, and about as oily as a teenager’s forehead. But it’s got that rustic charm—like Clint Eastwood in a spaghetti western.
Aromas are faint but distinct: floral, milk chocolate, caramel, malt, big nuts, cinnamon, black pepper, cedar, and barnyard. Pretty much your typical Nic puro nasal stains.
The cold draw presents notes of graham cracker, malt, pretzel, caramel, creaminess, espresso, milk chocolate, cedar, and barnyard.
Boom. Right out of the gate, this thing punches me in the uvula with espresso, dark chocolate, and black pepper. Retrohale? Like snorting cayenne pepper off a leather saddle. Burn line is wonky, but I’m too emotionally damaged to care. Smoke output is like Cheech & Chong’s tour bus.
Sweet caramel is up next, followed by lots of creaminess, buttery Ritz Crackers, café au lait, hunka hunka burning malt, and a nice even keeled earthiness.
The strength begins at medium.
After a couple of minutes, the char line becomes dead nuts perfect.
Nicely balanced, which totally surprises me. The cigar really hasn’t had what I consider proper time in my humidor to review (2-1/2 months). But as this is a limited edition, I didn’t want to wait till they are all gone. If I review a cigar, fawn over it, and you can’t buy them…I get hate mail from my ex-wife. Actually, all it takes is me breathing to get those.
I am so relieved that this cigar was rolled with plenty of innards, so it doesn’t become a 25-minute Toro. My last two reviews were barely filled, and they burned like a wood match in hell.
The cigar sends me a psychic message that it is gearing up to show some real complexity. I use the Vulcan nerve pinch and the cigar is knocked unconscious. The cigar awakens and sends another message apologizing. I give it the nerve pinch again.
With barely ¾” smoked, the blend moves into sophistication mode. I can taste flavors spreading out across my tongue, my cheeks, and my ovaries, which is spitting distance to my penile implant.
The Eagles Descent starts hitting assorted notes like a whack-a-mole. Complexity? Like a Tarantino plot. The black pepper recedes appropriately and allows for subtle nuances to send nervous signals to my hard as a walnut sized brain.
The graham cracker element shines like a cop’s flashlight after a traffic stop. I get stopped once a week because I flash my headlights while traveling near the border of Illinois hoping that ICE agents will turn around and chase me. I have a hidden .50 caliber mounted on the roof of my car. I show the masked avengers my CCW license and a $20 bill, and I’m allowed to carry on. Love Wisconsin.
The cigar moves into the effervescent creamy status. The blend could use some of that milk chocolate I smelled on the wrapper. The cigar has a very nice savory v. sweet balance.
There are no booming flavors. Subtlety is the name of the game. Transitions begin to pick up the pace. I put on some KPOP music and lip sync. The finish is only noticeable after a sip of water.
A well-built snausage. The char line is impeccable…similar to wearing $72 Under Armour briefs. I don’t wear them in public as they are so tight that my package looks like a Ken Doll trying to boink Barbie. I slap a piece of boloney in my nether region so the cat can find it when I need to pee. I’d use a tendril with claws but I bruise like a day-old peach.
There are so many new cigars in the over $16 range now. It is just amazing that this blend is at the user friendly $12. Less with promo codes.
Did you know that the average time spent on any reviewer’s site only lasts between 8-10 seconds? Barely enough time to scroll and bail.
Nice slow burn. Most probably close to becoming a 90-minute experience. Lots of bang for your bucks.
Complexity intensifies. Transitions sway to the rhythm of voo doo music. The finish is light and entertaining.
There are no significant changes to the flavor profile. This is just fine with me. The cigar, as a whole, is magnificent.
Strength reaches medium/full with 2” burned. Nicotine lands in a deserted farmer’s field. Crop circles are forming in my brain.
I’m guessing what was missing in the 2019 version has been tweaked to perfection.
While there was no mention of extended aging, this is exactly how the cigar performs.
Taking the recommended two minutes between puffs is now obligatory in order to stay conscious.
Strength is quickly attaining full tilt.
I smoked one of these babies a month in and it was not ready.
Despite the strength being at Chernobyl level, the blend remains as smooth as edible panties fresh from the microwave.
I’m tripping so I play some Grateful Dead at 78 rpm.
Once again, flavors remain the same but intensified.
Complexity is through the roof.
Once before Curved Air went on stage, a roadie ran over to me with a package in his hands. Big smile on his puss as he told me that he shat his pants and had to buy new underwear. I’m guessing he is now a member of Parliament.
Nicotine is either calming down or I am experiencing a life affirming moment in spatial understanding. It helped that my need to pee in an old Nehi Grape bottle was elasticized down to only 5 times.
Charlotte is still asleep, so I run in and have sex with her, twice. Her snoring goes up two octaves while my whining never rises above E♭.
The balance is nicely balanced. What? The strength mellows out some.
And the unique smoothness returns with a basket of blueberry muffins.
A big leap occurs at 2” to go. The excitable sweet spot is upon me.
Nicotine is the only way I get high anymore…that and the massive doses of Fentanyl I take every day. I buy it on the street, so I know it’s clean.
This is the most fun I’ve had since I figured out how to properly wear Depends. This cigar is a flavor bomb wrapped in a middle finger. Not for the faint of heart or the flavor challenged. It’s got grit, soul, and a touch of madness. Would I buy it again? Hell yes. Would I recommend it to my mother-in-law? Only if I wanted her to shut up for 90 minutes.
You can purchase a large variety of Warped cigars, including the new El Oso, from sponsor Small Batch Cigar. Take 10% off with promo code KATMAN.
RATING: 94 (but who cares, ratings are for people who wear ascots).
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Categories: CIGAR REVIEWS
You are my favorite reviews to read. My palette aligns well with yours.There is a small cigar factory
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I’m off topic, so feel free to ignore my daydream. After reading your opinion of the Partagas DeBronce I caved & bought a box. The cigars ( I hadda try one) are good, not as good as they should be at that price, but THE BOX!!! Take an empty one & tap it, nice sound.. A talented cigar box guitar maker could make a really nice semi hollow body electric guitar from this box. One end is re -inforced to hold the strings without warping & its got that Bo Diddley vibe. The cigars will have to sit in time out for a while but I love the box
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