Wrapper: Nicaraguan
Binder: Nicaraguan
Filler: Nicaraguan
Size: 6 x 54 Diadema
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $19.99

Today we take a look at the Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas.
Had these tucked away naked for several months.

BACKGROUND:
Release Date: August 2018
From the press release:
“Cinco Decadas is a Nicaraguan cigar of unparalleled elegance. This cigar is intended to celebrate a special moment in our company’s history and offer an opportunity to pause, reflect, give thanks – and look to the future,” said Dr. Alejandro Martínez Cuenca, owner and chairman of Joya de Nicaragua.
“It is our most memorable milestone yet and the most memorable of celebrations always require that you rise to the occasion. That’s what Cinco Decadas represents. We want consumers to know that in Cinco Decadas, they will find a cigar so premium that the fact that there’s one in the humidor, will be enough to celebrate,” said Dr. Martínez Cuenca.

SIZES AND PRICING:
Diadema 6 x 54 $19.99
El General 7 x 50 $18.99

APPEARANCE:
This is a very rustic looking stick. Loads of bumps and lumps with more than its share of veinage. Seams are tight. The shape is nicely produced by experienced rollers. The oily wrapper is the color of muddy chocolate. Smooth without a hint of tooth. The stick is hard with no soft spots. It will probably need the PerfecDraw experience.

SMELL THE GLOVE:
Mostly milk chocolate but has a nice background layer of floral notes with lovely fresh baking spices. Ginger and hazelnut make nice. Creamy with overtones of caramel. Raisins. Black pepper, malt, and fresh berries.
The cold draw is smitten with strong black pepper, mustiness, barnyard, chocolate, malt, ginger, more baking spice, and cedar.

FIRST THIRD:
The draw is impossible and out comes the PerfecDraw cigar poker and tool. It makes short shrift of the plugs. We are good to go…

First up is a big blast of black pepper that makes my eyes water like I got punched in the schnoz.

The long months of humi sleep kick the blend into high gear immediately. An array of sweet nuttiness, fresh berries, espresso, malt, rye, caramel, wheel barrels of cedar, and a smoky meatiness.

Strength wastes no time in making its presence unavoidable. It’s potent. I read other reviews that stated it started out smack dab in middle territory. Not this baby. It has attained medium/full status within the first inch.

Complexity grabs my palate by the nuts and won’t let go. Transitions begin their trek. The finish, though, is short.
I get a blast of cinnamon. Spicy cinnamon.

This early on and the Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas is giving me all the signs that the blend is going to kick my arse with nicotine and strength by the halfway point.
It’s going to take til last Wednesday for me to finish it.

This is a good time to discuss the price. Experts say you shouldn’t judge a cigar by its price point. We all know that’s complete bullshit. It’s all about the price. For $20, I want a blow job, I want you to get a blow job, and I want multiple orgasms. So far, the cigar is behaving like an excellent $11 cigar. Long way to go, JDN.

I won’t pay the outrageous prices of Padron or Fuente. Now if I had a big humidor where I could allow my sticks to age for 7 years; well maybe, but for us mortals who must carefully watch our cigar allowance, it’s a waste of money. And unless the Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas causes me to broach the time space continuum, the price is definitely going to have an impact on my final rating.

It’s a good blend. Not spectacular, but good. Maybe this cigar needs 5 years of humi time. I’m not a JDN fan so I’m not sure what to think about their foray into this high-priced arena.

It’s gotten very good reviews but, goddam it, it better for $20 a stick.
I just reviewed Isabela Cigar Company’s new Shape-Shifter. A $10 stick that blows away just about every other cigar I’ve smoked in a kohn’s age.

Mustiness appears but so far it is not intrusive. The sweetness is on the borderline now. It recedes and allows the more savory aspects of the blend to excel. But now it feels out of balance.
There is a strong complexity at play. Transitions begin to be put into motion. The finish is improving.

I’m nearing the end of the first third and while a pleasing smoke, I expected more pizazz. It should have slammed into my palate with a 10lb hammer from the moment I lit it.

A shift occurs as the mysterious tobacco used in this blend moves upfront and pushes the ancillary flavors aside. This changes everything. It now expects to be taken seriously. Good move.
A super savory element vanquishes the sweetness. The black pepper is still making my eyes water.

SECOND THIRD:
I’m getting some burn issues. I don’t want burn issues on a $20 stick.
I’m always suspect when a manufacturer won’t release details of the leaf stats. It could mean they pirated them from someone or it could mean the tobacco is nothing special being hidden by PR bullshit to jack the price of the cigar.

Still, my palate is being enveloped by a quiet determination from this blend. It approaches the quality of a Bespoke but a Bespoke would be blowing my mind by now. The Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas is merely straddling the fence.

One reviewer presented this blend with a 97. Yikes. Others stood by this blend with equally high ratings. A $20 stick should get a 97.

And then a light switch goes on in the tiny brain of the cigar and changes course with a much more sophisticated approach. This is how the cigar should have started. Waiting for the second third to see this blend excel is lame.

I most certainly am basing my comments and reactions on both factors of quality and price.
A stick at this price point needs to be super special.

I believe this is an old school blend requiring serious humidor time. The early reviews confuse me. Clearly, they didn’t get months of rest. And yet everyone is singing its praises like it’s a gift from God.

Transitions slow down like a mother fucker. What happened? I’m unimpressed with the finish. Bland.
But it has its moments of strength. The problem is consistency. That tells me that even after months of humi time, it really needs a long sleep.

At the halfway point, the blend improves. Sweetness returns to balance the smoke. The spiciness is tamed. The hidden flavors return. Much better. But I’m halfway through. I had to smoke $10 of cigar to become impressed.

The redeeming quality of this blend is a subtle uniqueness that hints, with enough time, this could be a stunning cigar.

The second half of the Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas is the hidden jewel. The complexity is at full tilt. Now I’m impressed.

The cigar morphed using the elements of great tobacco taste, full flavors, balance, and richness to knock the chip off my shoulder.

The char line has behaved nicely. No issues since the earlier debacle.
But there has been a lack of creaminess. It would help move the blend forward.
I go back and check other reviews. There is a split. Some sing its praises to the heavens. Others are thinking like me that there should have been more presence. Interesting.

LAST THIRD:
I get spanked all the time because I can find so many flavors in a cigar blend. I read other reviews and see descriptions of flavors I can’t find in this blend.

And then creaminess shows up smoothing out the experience to a better place. Creaminess can really bring out the shy flavors and improve the complexity.

I’m disappointed that the finish is null and void. The moment the smoke leaves my mouth, flavors stop in their tracks.

JDN is a catalog brand. Not the experienced smoker’s first choice. This baby is their voyage into something very special. I believe they missed the mark.

Allowing for my criticisms, it is still a good cigar. But the inconsistency is killing its chances for a rave review. I would like to put one away for a year and come back to it and see how it matured.

Strength has been medium/full since the first third. Now we are at full Indian.
Consistency has returned. Flavors excel. Sweetness is now more of a factor. But the savory quality still rules the day. Spiciness is in the background.

If you are thinking of purchasing the Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas, I really believe that in order to get the most from this blend, throw it into your humidor and forget about til you’re my age.

If I were you, I’d read the other reviews of this cigar. Notice the differences in the reviewers’ experiences. Don’t use me as your single source for this blend. I just can’t recommend the stick because it tastes like a great $10 cigar. Based on my tour of the blend it just ain’t worth $20.

The cigar’s last third is exceptional. Too little, too late.

Time. Some reviewers got lucky and tasted what this cigar will be like long ago and far away. The rest of us only tasted potential. The palate is an amazing tool. We can have similar palates but, in the end, they are all different.

Maybe I’m full of shit. Wouldn’t be the first time.

The finish is spectacular. Sigh. Transitions are a bullet train. The complexity is through the roof. Sigh.
The Joya de Nicaragua Cinco Décadas has gone from impudence and mediocrity to stunning. The last third is the grail. Damn. I figured three months would be long enough.

RATING: 90

And now for something completely different:
1990
MAN VS. FERRET

I took time off from being a project manager in commercial construction. It was killing me. I was 40. And the pressure to keep on schedule and on budget got to me. I had the curse of being good at what I did so my bosses always piled on the work til I burned out.

I found out I had high blood pressure during a blood drive at my daughter’s school and when they took my blood pressure. I was told they could not take my blood. Go see a doctor.
40 was too young to die so I had some choices to make.

I went to work, for an old friend, as a structural draftsman…in construction, anyone on a board is called a “Detailer.”

I was a detailer. It is what I learned in my youth. Before I was old enough to drive, my father brought me down to his structural fab shop and put me on a board. And while I was going to CSULB, the company sent me to L.A. Trade Tech to get my two-year certificate as a structural detailer. It turned out to stead me well later in life. I always took jobs on the side and made between $100-$150 an hour for my work. And that was a long time ago.

Back then, we used formulas to figure out the geometry and trig problems. Sophisticated calculators did not come until the late 1970’s. And ones that would do the geometry and trig came around in the late 80’s. We also had no computers to help us. We had a pencil.

I was working in Fullerton, CA. Not far from La Habra which was ritzy in places and had some hills and forest area behind where I worked.

On a hot day, with the A/C busted, we opened the front and back doors. It was a small place with three rooms in a strip mall. Each room housed three detailers. I was in the middle room.

One day, lo and behold…a ferret walked in. It didn’t seem to be afraid of us. As it walked towards me, I bent over and extended my arm. In a flash, the fucking ferret grabbed on to my forearm with all 4 legs in a death grip and began punching away at my skin with its teeth.

I ran around the office waving my arm trying to get the damn thing off. It wouldn’t let go. I screamed like a little girl and no one could get me to hold still. I was screaming the 7 words not allowed on TV (Thank you George Carlin).

It finally flew off my arm and blood gushed from my arm. I started to go into shock. Did my boss or co-workers call 911? Of course not. It was just a little ferret attack. And possibly a wild ferret as we were right on the edge of the open hills and forest.

I collapsed on the floor because I thought I was going to faint… and screamed out at everyone to close the fucking doors! Do not let that piece of shit weasel get out or I will, for sure, be required to take the rabies series inoculations.

My doctor was around the block. Dr. Mutter. When he saw me, he got on the phone with my boss and SCREAMED at him not to let that animal loose. I had never heard my mild-mannered doctor curse.

He bandaged my entire arm and warned me that if that ferret got loose…and then he made the motion of a needle going into my stomach…shaking his head the whole time.
I gulped the gulp of a pussy.
When I got back, Animal Control was there. A giant black man was trying to catch the elusive ferret with the long stick thing with a loop.

He finally caught it and the little critter began a high screeching that made us cover our ears.

Now here is the interesting part…. The boss had this stupid, good looking blonde working for him in his blue print store next to the drafting company. She was really stupid. But she was a looker.
She was on our side of the building, like everyone else, watching this man try to catch the fucking ferret.

When it started screeching, this stupid woman screamed, “You fucking N****r! Let it go. You are hurting it!! You fucking N****r!”
Everyone was in shock.

The animal control guy dropped the stick with the ferret’s head still in the loop…the ferret tried to make a get away with a 6’ stick attached to it….no go. It hid behind some curtains.
He asked, “What did you call me?”
And the stupid bitch repeated it!!!! She fucking repeated it!
Oh my God. What a racist bitch.

But now I’m thinking the damn weasel is going to get away and I will have 6 weeks of shots to my belly because of a race war inside the drafting company.

I begged the man to please capture and secure the animal and don’t listen to the idiot woman. He calmed down and did just that.
I walked out alone with him and apologized profusely for the act of racism that just occurred. He was very magnanimous, and gracious, and left.

I walked back into the drafting room, walked quickly up to the bitch and slapped her with an open hand.
I screamed at her, “Do you realize what you almost did? You fucking piece of shit, bitch, cocksucker. If he didn’t capture it, I would have to go through some very painful inoculations!!!!!!”

She apologized as her hand rubbed her cheek where I smacked her. She didn’t have a green card so I didn’t care. She was from Germany and even though my wife is too and worked part time doing the books for the place, she had nothing to do with this imbecile.

Then I waited. And waited. And waited. For 10 days.
And then it came. A little post card from Animal Control saying that the animal did not have rabies. One of the longest 10 days in my life.
I still have that post card framed and hanging in our bathroom.

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