Strain: Zookies
Type: 50% Sativa / 50% Indica (Hybrid)
Parent Strains: Gorilla Glue #4 and Animal Cookies
Bred by: Alien Labs
Price per gram: $13.00-$15 per gram
Purchased from: Broccoli Barrel Delivery ~ San Jose, CA

Before anyone gets self-righteous or outraged that I dare have a friend review some weed while I recuperated from dental surgery, I would like to remind everyone that cannabis medical dispensaries are legal in 31 states. And cannabis is legal for personal stash in 9 states. This November election, Wisconsin voters overwhelmingly approved the sales of medical marijuana; but it isn’t binding. We now have a new governor (Scott Walker is gone, baby, gone) and hopefully he will do the right thing before I die of old age.

Calvin has written 7 other cannabis reviews since October of last year. This makes No.8. Going this route has definitely reduced the odds of me getting a writing gig with Cigar Aficionado.

I have been amazed at how many hits I get on those cannabis reviews each and every day. I’ve heard from real cannabis review sites who tell me how much they enjoy these reviews. Big smile…I didn’t write them; I just formatted them.

I hid the category of “Cannabis” from the header of my main page worried I would be judged in a negative light. Then I realized that most people look at me in a negative light already.

I mean, really…who cares if a 69-year-old man publishes reviews about weed? I am retired and answer to no one except my family and friends.

Calvin has been a good friend for years. He lives on the left coast where there are more cannabis medical dispensaries than there are liquor stores and strip joints.

I was finally convinced by Calvin, two years ago, that I should try smoking again to combat the chronic pain in my back and neck due to my near lethal skydiving accident in 2001. I hadn’t slept all night in 16 years. I made thrashing an Olympic sport.

So after over 35 years of not touching the stuff, I went ahead and gave it a try. Now back in the day, we bought either the 4 or 5 finger “lid” for either $10 or $15.
Things have changed. Weed is now a designer drug carefully engineered by chemists and botanists. And prices have changed dramatically. But you knew that…

The first time I tried it a year ago, I was blessed with the first night of full sleep in 16 years. I slept soundly without pain. It felt like a miracle. And it has worked every night since. The idiots that say there is no medical proof that weed helps with a laundry list of health issues haven’t walked a mile in my shoes or the many people I know who also get serious relief. The shit works. And no one in history has overdosed on cannabis.

So now, with Calvin’s help, we have found the perfect Indica strains for me to use a couple hours before bedtime. Charlotte does the same thing…she has health issues that the weed helps makes tolerable at nighttime.

I do see a pain management doctor. I have been doing this since my accident. Miraculously, I have been able to cut back on my pain medication by 2/3rd’s. That says a lot about the medicinal qualities of an herbal plant. I decided to get off my pain protocol because I’m too old for this shit. I have this month to finish up and I’m done…off the pain pills forever. I’m going to depend on weed at first while I figure out how to deal with chronic pain without opioids. Probably naked dolphin yoga.

So now you know; even if you had already suspected that this old Hippie is probably smoking pot. Still, I’m not writing the reviews. It’s all Calvin. He is a true aficionado of the stuff and knows his shit. I just listen to his advice and smoke it.

Another guest review by Calvin Kushman.

PROLOGUE:
It’s been awhile since my previous strain review. I took a long break to do some self-reflection and expand my knowledge on an extended journey brought on by curiosity and crotch itch. Some might call it a spiritual quest of enlightenment. A few others might say it was a tiny regional display of personal growth and uplifted vibes. However, I’m going to call it as it was…. Getting high at the Cannabis Cup.

Yes folks, Cal Kushman is back again for another round of strain sampling. I can’t think of anything clever to call these reviews. (Phil, you think of something.) Now, originally, I was going to review Blue Sherbet and share with you of how it saved me from suicide but then I figured you wouldn’t want to hear about that. (Sure, we would, Cal).

Phil is always going on and on about the popularity of my Gorilla Cookies review and asks me every day why it’s so popular. My answer to that question has always been the same, “The fuck if I know, dude.” I really have no idea why people read that one but if it’s true you all like that strain so much, then I should follow up with a similar one named Zookies.

(This is from my site stats on my blog. It shows that in the last 12 months, the review for Gorilla Cookies came in 6th for the whole year. I have no idea who is referring stoners to this single review and not the others):

The parental strains of Zookies are Gorilla Glue #4 and Animal Cookies. I was told originally that this is an Indica dominant hybrid… but it seemed more like a 50:50 hybrid.

I bought this from Broccoli Barrel Delivery, right here in San Jose, CA. This is a very rare strain. You should consider yourselves very lucky if you are able to find this strain in your area. That is, unless you live in Northern California; I mean. The growers in the “Emerald Triangle” really know how to grow good cannabis. I was really impressed by talking with them at the Cup. I learned a great deal of things I wouldn’t have learned anywhere else.

AROMAS:
Okay so from the fresh opened bag, I take a whiff and detect (I do my best to imitate Phil’s immaculate taste descriptions): Fresh mint, morning fog, super unleaded gas (octane 90), and Splenda™ sweetener.

For this review, I’m using a medium sized glass pipe. I accidentally broke my scientific recycler with the double honeycomb with an inclined propeller and tree-arm ash catcher stem. If you don’t know what any of that means, go ask for it at your local smoke shop. If they don’t know either, they are not a legitimate store. The password is Swordfish.

I also rolled a small blunt, which I easily made by using PerfecRepair’s cigar glue/sealer. I always had the worst time trying to roll a blunt correctly but with this glue, making a blunyú.

LIGHT ‘ER UP:
Okay so the first hit was quite a cougher. The dominant flavors are fuel and sugared cookies. There’s a bit of a minty tone in the exhale. Second hit had similar flavors with a little charred taste, much like when cookies are left in the oven too long. Surprisingly there was less coughing this time. I usually cough more on the second hit. I really should smoke weed more often so that my body becomes conditioned to smoking and then I cough at all. Of course, then my tolerance would be so high, I’d have to smoke a half ounce to get stoned.

EFFECTS:
Unfortunately, I don’t know the actual potency of this bud. Only certain places around my local town have their products lab tested and lists the % values of thc and cbd. If I were to take a wild guess, I’d say what I have here is about 23% thc and maybe 2% cbd. The cerebral tingling isn’t super intense and I’m definitely not stuck to my chair. I do sense a notion to get up and do something fun and interesting. I’ve been suffering severe neck pains recently but after smoking just one bowl of the Zookies, the pain has numbed down and I can feel the blood circulation flow freely within my torso. At least I think its blood circulation I feel.

POTENCY CHART:

EFFECTS 2.0:
About half an hour has passed and I’m starting to feel tired. I just had a light snack so I’m not particularly starving at this moment. I’m sure I will be in a couple of hours though. This Zookies strain is decent but really just an average hybrid to me. The flavor is like a generic mashup of other hybrids. I would be more enthusiastic if the buds were coated with a dense blanket of frosty trichomes but it’s not. The effects aren’t long lasting. I’m saying this as I puff away on the blunt I rolled earlier.

I feel relaxed, which is nice, but I really was hoping this was an Indica dominant hybrid. I actually wanted to feel couch locked. You know, like when you were drunk at a party and sat down in a puddle of where some uncouth couple had sex and fell asleep, then woke up later to find your pants stuck to the sofa by a layer of nasty smelling crusted nut. Don’t act like it never happened to you before!! But then again, it could just be me.

STRAIN ATTRIBUTES:

STRAIN ATTRIBUTES:

STRAIN ATTRIBUTES:

From Green Doctor Network:
Cannabis Sativa:
“Sativa strain types are known to produce an uplifting and cerebral high that is typically very energizing and stimulating. Sativa are known to make you laugh uncontrollably or engage in in-depth conversations about the meaning of life. These strains typically cause you to analyze the human experience and think creatively, which makes Cannabis Sativa very popular among philosophers, artists and musicians. Some Sativa have even been found to enhance lights and sounds, making music, movies, and the rest of your surroundings more vibrant than ever before.”

Cannabis Indica:
“The effects produced by Indica strain types are very relaxing and narcotic-like, typically providing a full-body, or “couch-locked” effect. Indica are perfect for those days spent curled up on the couch watching TV or surfing the web. However, most people use Cannabis Indica after a long day at work to relieve stress, provide full-body pain relief, and help them fall asleep at night.

“Indica strains are ideal for chronic pain, muscle spasms, anxiety, nausea, appetite stimulation, and sleep deprivation. Individuals who suffer from diseases like multiple sclerosis, fibromyalgia, lupus, sleep apnea and insomnia tend to benefit from the effects of Cannabis Indica.”

Hybrids:
“There are a wide range of cannabis strains in between Indica and Sativa. These strains are known as “Hybrids” and show traits directly related to the genetics in its lineage. Hybrids can be broken down into three basic categories:
1). “Sativa-dominant Hybrids: Cerebral high with a relaxing body effect. Provides physical and mental relief.
2). “Even Hybrids (50/50): Ideal strains for people seeking a perfect balance of head and body.
3). “Indica-dominant Hybrids: These strains provide a full-body pain relief, with a relaxing head high. Recommended for night time use to go to sleep, or daytime relief from minor pain. These strains are perfect for patients who suffer from all types of autoimmune diseases as well as insomnia or depression.”

“The Fabulous Furry Freak Brothers:”

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