Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur Black | Cigar Reviews by the Katman

Wrapper: USA Connecticut Broadleaf
Binder: Ecuadorian Sumatra
Filler: Honduran, Nicaraguan
Size: 6 x 52 Toro
Strength: Medium/Full
Price: $8.69

I received these cigars from General Cigar in early June. They’ve had 3 months of naked humi time.
I wanted to get back to reviewing after time served, so I thought I’d start easy.
If you are interested in my cervical spine, I’ve added new information to the body of the post, “Time Out.”

Released June 2021
Regular production
Factory: HATSA Danli, Honduras
According to the Excalibur Black press release:
“Excalibur is a stalwart Honduran brand that continues to withstand the test of time and deliver in its promise of an exceptional smoking experience. With Excalibur Black, we are beginning the next chapter of the brands’ 40-year legacy with a feisty, full-bodied offering. Excalibur Black rounds out the core line with a masterpiece bland that’s as rich and satisfying as it is approachable. We’re expecting that “Black” will expand Excalibur’s devoted fan base with a new generation of cigar lovers.”
Also released are a line of “Black” cigarillos.

Robusto 5 x 50 $8.49
Toro 6 x 52 $8.69
No.1 7.25 x 54 $8.99

You want to get into my Depends, show me a dark, mottled, oily cigar wrapper. I love the look of love. Seams are plentiful, but tight. Lots of small veinage but never distracting or off putting.

The stick is very heavy in the hand. A new feeling for me. It is beautifully packed without hard or soft spots. The triple cap is near flawless. And the double cigar bands are classy with a touch of ornateness.

First up is a deep, rich dark chocolate. Followed by barnyard and cedar, rich cumin, black raisins, sloppy caramel, white pepper, big hunks of malt, and a good cup of Joe.
The cold draw presents flavors of dark espresso, dark chocolate, black pepper, big fat maltiness, black raisins, cashews and almonds, caramel, barnyard, and BBQ sauce.

This is a big fatty, but the draw is perfect…a segue into my plug for the PerfecDraw draw adjustment tool…but I won’t be needing it. I will use it for cleaning my ears later.

It takes a minute, but then flavors begin to line up in formation…A nice mellow buffet of espresso, Tiramisu, creaminess, black pepper, malt, cinnamon, raisins, and a spicy Loosiana hot sauce.

A sweetness is right on at the same time as savory kicks in. The balance starts toot suite. Good sign.

Black pepper enters but is holding back the tasing effect for the moment.
There is a real chocolate covered caramel candy bar in play that is pleasing to my palette…er, I mean pallet…no, my thing that tastes.

I have burn issues just as toot suite. I tried two sticks prior to this one and both had the runs…so to speak.

The tobacco’s sweet nature is alluring to a man that hasn’t been alluring since he wore leather pants on stage in the 1840’s.

Complexity is minimal. Transitions are absent. But it has a nice finish that leaves a nice sheen on my lips.

I couldn’t find any reviews at the time of this writing so no idea how the others will react. But I’m not surprised. Hoyos generally take months before they are ready…never been a very well-aged catalog of blends. It’s up to the smoker to do the heavy lifting. I was hesitant at even reviewing this baby with only 3 months, but I am experiencing a lot of pain from my neck and migraines; so I figured if I didn’t like it, I could go to town giving it three assholes.

The burn line self-heals and all is well. But still, a wavy one at best.
This cigar would possibly have gotten a better critique from me with an additional 3 months on it.

The first two I smoked were pretty identical in the early linear quality but heated up in the second half where the sweet spot lay in wait.

With over an inch smoked, a bit of complexity shows its puss. Actually, it is more a quality of richness than down in the pig slop becoming mysterious.

Strength is a very easy going medium.

The sweet raisins make a statement. The spiciness is on the right side of the law. The chocolate, caramel, espresso, creaminess, and malt are chugging along doing their own thing.

I could not find a single online store that carries these sticks. Is it a B&M entry only? The press release makes no mention. And the Hoyo website still does not have this cigar listed yet. So, I really don’t know what the actual pricing will be…figure a buck less?

Which turns this cigar into a nice go-to stick for the kids when they’re good. Cigars are better for your kids as treats than teeth rotting candy. Plus, the nicotine lets them take a long nap when they finish allowing you to spend some alone time with porn hub.

Complexity is rising. This is good. It pushes the distinct flavors into a corner where they huddle and gossip. The warm blankey takes over the portrait.
Much better. I’m sure with more humi time, the first third will not lay dormant as it did today.

The Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur Black is in a new phase. Warms my cockles.

I’m on my stomach and my 12-year-old radiologist doc is having trouble getting the dye to go from my low back up to my neck. So, he tilts the table til my face is nearly touching the floor. Then two older docs come in and I can hear them giving him directions. Fucking great. Then they started flopping me from one side to my back to the other side 100 times.

My screaming didn’t seem to bother them. If it wasn’t for the very pretty 30-year-old nurse caressing my nutsack, I may not have gotten through it.

I was there for 4-1/2 hours. With no sedation. I grabbed every drug in our house for self-medication I could find. So, I walked into the hospital like a drunk Red Skelton. No one seemed to notice.

Strength is heading into medium/full territory.

This is a nice cigar blend. Nothing extraordinary about it. But for the price, I do not feel I’m being taken advantage of. With lots of humidor patience, I can see this cigar(at the right price) becoming a stick I will always keep in my boxes of love.

The construction is the unsung star of the cigar. Packed perfectly. Not getting soft as it is exposed to 65% humidity. The runs stopped.

It is 9:45am. The orthopod’s office just called, and my doc wants to see me tomorrow morning. Fucking great. I was going to call for an appointment but no need. I’m guessing that Harvey the Chimp at the Milwaukee Zoo needs that brain transplant sooner than expected and they must prep me.

This means this might by my last cigar review for a while since I’m guessing I will need to stop smoking a month prior to surgery. I will report back with one more review on Wednesday.

The balance is screaming laughter now. The blend morphed from something ordinary to something better than ordinary.

The medium/full strength is about to be abandoned for full tilt any moment. Nicotine creeps in as my eyes begin to look like I’m stoned.

Fuck yeah…the cigar improved exponentially in the flash of an enema.

The creaminess is joined with an unexpected vanilla quality that certainly compliments the darker flavor points. Light and shadows.

Back to the future…”She’s Not There” by The Zombies. It is 1964 once again. Any of you around back then?

The burn line needs its first minor touch up.

I’m at the halfway point.

It is hard to tell at 3 months if it was enough time for the blender’s intent to be exposed. I will need to wait another 3 months to know.

Ever smoke a cigar and review it with a migraine? Me neither. Ouch. I will wait til the cigar is done before the projectile vomiting begins.

The dried fruit expands to not just raisins but also added are good dates and a slightly tart apricot. It lingers in the background giving the blend a nice edge.
The chocolate is gone leaving a dark espresso in its place.

I warned the radiology staff that I curse like a lesbian punk band so no one would flinch. No one got it. They must have prepped themselves with nitrous before they attended to me.

My recording studio was in downtown Long Beach…just a few blocks from the Pacific Ocean. And dead smack in the middle of the gay district. So, we had quite a few gay and lesbian bands book time. The gays were a pleasure to work with. For the lesbian dates, I carried a .38 in my belt. The butch dykes really hated men. The control booth was full of stout women with their arms crossed over their chests. I never knew when one would pull a shiv and slit my throat.

I’m digging the Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur Black. Although, it is a bit difficult to smoke first thing in the morning on an empty stomach. This cigar ain’t for newbies.

Transitions finally kick in. A slow roll of various elements previously described. The finish has been delectable from the start.
The complexity has leveled out.

Ladies and germs, we have full tilt strength. Quick, get me some gefilte fish.

A vinegar quality appears that morphs into BBQ sauce. The spiciness changes to red pepper with a sweet tang.

I’m so old (How old are you?) that I remember drinking Tang in the 50’s and 60’s. It was pretty bad, but it was innovative.
The nicotine is pretty heavy.

This will be nearly a two-hour smoke. My migraine sent me a note asking me to be kind. I ignore it.

I finish my dry heaving and rinse my mouth with some Manischewitz.

My first sip of water and the chocolate returns.

I haven’t been able to play bass for a while. My doc said it was the tennis elbow. But I learned that the spine issue in my neck causes numbness in my arms and hands. Fingers crossed that surgery rectifies this and I can return to my first love.

Complexity is upped. It’s now a capo.
Not a stunning blend, but a solid stick with nice tendencies.

Flavor components begin to do the hully gully. They move to the forefront.
Holy shit. This cigar is strong. My nads run away and hide in one of my sneakers.

Despite the nuclear strength, the blend is very smooth. I’ve lost sight in both eyes.

The chocolate now towers above other flavors. The caramel is hanging on with its life.

I’ve changed my mind. I’m not going to amend my Time Out post today. I will do it tomorrow after my orthopod visit. It will allow me to stretch out my pissing and moaning.

I wonder what a BJ from Elton John would be like.

I’m forced to space out my puffs in order to stay conscious.

A more honest review would come from allowing the Hoyo de Monterrey Excalibur Black to hibernate for 5-6 months. And then, maybe not.

With little more than an inch to go, I bail. I believe I’ve hit the major points.
If you know where the cigars can be purchased, comment away.
I experienced no surprises with this Hoyo. On the upside, they chose not to be greedy and charge $14.
I’ve finished the bottle of Manischewitz which means the review is over.



5 replies

  1. Hmm. May have to take a look. Thanks Phil.

    Hope it all goes well with the quacks. Good luck.

  2. That was the best f&$cking cigar review ever written! I’m smoking one these #1s and just started laughing my ass off. The Hoyo review was right on, but the observations observations of a musician were a direct hit! Hats off and good luck with the doc.

  3. Hi Jimmy,
    Those were mighty purty words you used, Pilgrim. They warmed the strap-on of my heart.
    Know what’s odd? I am in dire straits as it pertains to the pain in my neck and head. I have no balance. I can’t feel my hands except for when I accidentally pee on them. I’m delirious. I saw my primary doc today…a solid guy, my age, who smokes cigars. He wrote in the summary I am experiencing psychosis from the pain and no sleep for two months. Fucking psychosis. I believe it. In 71 years, I’ve never experienced this.

    Yet, I’ve been able to semi-cogently write cigar reviews. Don’t ask.
    When the faux doctors diagnosed me with early dementia 5 years ago, they told me that I should still be able to play bass due to muscle memory and over 50 years of playing. It’s the last to die.

    I kind of feel it also applies to my cigars. And my writing. I was writing journals as a kid. I’ve always been a hack of a writer but I’ve kept at it this whole time.
    I got such a mitzvah from your note that the pain disappeared for a bit.
    Who cares if the cigar industry doesn’t like me for being the way I am.
    I write for my peeps. You are the only ones that matter to me. Fuck the cigar industry.
    I am sending over 3 high priced call girls to your home on Saturday night.

  4. Hey Phil, I’ll be on the lookout! Man, what a shitty hand you got dealt. A good friend of mine who is just a great bass player is going through a tough time with bone cancer. We get together every Saturday and hang. Scotch, bourbon, smoke but mostly laughing is what we do. That seems to help everyone out the most. Funny how something as simple as a smoke can get me in touch with you. Send me an email if you get a chance, cousin. You’re a good dude. I’m 58; that’s probably the threshold for all those references, lol! DBX over easy compressor. Remember those?!

  5. I can’t wait to converse with you, Jimmy.
    Just got home from the doc. So, tomorrow is another day.
    I’m sending you my email now.

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s